Solitude sucks!

Hello Everyone,

Recently I had a big change in my life. A change I thought that would be sort of welcoming. I've been telling myself for the last 7 or 8 years that I've come to enjoy my own company. I seek out my alone time. I got to say, what a crock I've been feeding myself.

My daughter and her husband and my granddaughter moved out of state this past weekend. I can count on my two hands how many days I've spent without seeing my little Emma. It's not like I won't miss my daughter or her husband, because I will. But, my time with Emma was very precious to me. It's only been one full day and it already sucks. I see myself in this apt and wonder if this is all there is left? Have I really become comfortable being alone?

I can tell you that I will be spending a lot more time with my grandsons, Pax and Dean. They're here in my community now and that makes me very thankful. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for them being local.
The thing is, I have built this wall that makes me invincible to the arrows of life. I can't be hurt too bad because I've cut out almost everyone in my life. I have a sister that's local and another that's 25 miles away. But, without a car, travel of any sort is difficult. There are no taxi's in this little community. I haven't been "Patty in Omaha" for over 2 years now. I also have family in other states that I miss daily but I've learned to live without them being a part of my daily life. You adjust, you have to, no choice. This isn't how I pictured my life at 51 years old. If the truth be told, I never thought I'd live to be this age. I didn't treat myself very well on my way here.

I have these things I want to do. Things I'd like to try, like knitting, or painting. Who knows, maybe I'd be good at it. My mother was. I need to find something to fill up my life. Not just Netflix and books. I may be disabled but that shouldn't mean I'm unable. And I shouldn't forget my first love, The Lord. Unfortunately, I talk a good talk, but forget to walk the good walk. Thankfully, He doesn't hold a grudge. That's really all I have to say for now. Love the people in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.....Love, Patty