I've been a bit selfish with my time. I have 2 new grandbabies and one more coming in May. I feel so entirely blessed right now. But, unfortunately........I seem unable to appreciate the small things in life that DO bring me joy. This has been my year of learning humility, trust, appreciation for family and all that comes with that word. The amazing birth of my newest grandchild, is a girl brought to me by my daughter. Three generations just being together. It's brought out this love that has truly astounded me.
Then, in a short conversation, I am cut down. So many times I find myself looking back and realizing what an unhappy upbringing I had and how deeply I want more for my kids and my grandchildren. Some really awful things have happened over the years. While I try to be appreciative, pain seems to be hard-wired into my body and my life.
I'm still waiting to be approved for Social Security Disability. In the meantime, I have my sister who has so graciously provided for my needs. She will be paid back monetarily, but I'll never be able to pay her back for not even blinking an eye when it came to helping me. I love you Michelle.....I love all of my sisters.. Melody I don't know where I would be without your funny personality and your ability to always make me laugh when we're together.....driving down main street with your Darth Vader mask on, yelling at people on the sidewalk "I am your father".......singing Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen in front of goodwill. We've had some great times. Valerie, my mother in so many ways. You're still the one I go to when I need good advice and perspective. You all have truly made your mark.....minus the baby of the family, our sister Melinda. Too much loss, way too much loss.
I guess I'm having a bittersweet day. I'm reminded of pain, both physical and mental pain. I'm reminded of how beautiful life is, my children, my grand-children have provided me with the joy I so desperately need. And they give it without even trying. I'm writing this and as the words are seen on the screen I am slowly gaining what I truly needed today. Perspective.......the ability to accept what you can't change, change what you can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know that's a poem or prayer of sorts that is said at 12 step meetings around the globe but to me, that prayer at least the beginning of it is the definition of perspective.
Today I leave you with one of my favorite verses taken from John 16:1 words written in red "These things I have spoken to you, that you may be kept from stumbling." Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Patty
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