Truthful Eyes

Hello Everyone,

I know, I know I'm about as reliable as the weather in the Midwest. However, now that I pretty much have my life nailed back down I think I'm ready to share some things with all of you again. Thank you so much to those of you who have stayed with me during my dry spells and spells where I'm actually saying something. You mean something to me.

I believe it is now safe to say.......I'm going to be a grandma again.....to 2 more beautiful children by my daughter and my daughter in law. It sounds like one should be ready in August and the other maybe not til September or so. That will give me 5 grandchildren under the age of 3! Can you believe that??? God has blessed me so many times it's hard to believe I ever have down days but oh well. I am still a human being.

I've noticed as I've grown older how many failures have led me to this place of an understanding of myself.
It has recently been pointed out to me that my kids' stepmother has had a more positive influence on my kids than I have. I have to say my first impression upon hearing this was not a positive one.....not at all. In fact, I felt embarrassed, chastised, hurt, wronged and a whole bunch of other emotions. However, she has had a greater influence in many ways than I have. I have come to believe that she has held them to a higher standard than I have, which in a lot of ways have helped them to be better people. Every parent makes mistakes and I'm not any different. It was a very hard realization for me to accept that she too has been their mom for about 12 years now. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I've agreed with her methods, I have NOT. In fact, I've been quite upset by the way I feel my kids were treated growing up with her. There was a constant comparison between her children and mine that left some of my kids feeling very inferior. I felt like it was my job to help keep the balance and overlooked things that should have been dealt with by a firmer hand from me. I couldn't do it though and looking back, I sort of wished I was a stronger person, both then and now.

Making mistakes doesn't make us better people until we've looked at what happened through truthful eyes. I made so many mistakes and they weren't all about keeping the balance either. I also had an occasion occur recently that reminded me that I can be VERY self centered and near sighted when it comes to many things. Like a lot of other people, I have a list of excuses I could use that would make me feel better as a person, mother, sister, grandmother, human being. But I know the only way to grow in faith and in maturity is by being put through the refinery, like gold and silver is....having our impurities taken out is a painful process but it yields a purer soul. The end result is not where the growth occurs, the growth occurs during the painful times. It's looking in the mirror and working on the issues you see reflect back at you.

I pray this message finds you at peace with who you are and from where you've come and where you're headed. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Patty