Hello Everyone,
It's nice to be back here. Not that I went anywhere. I'm just happy to have something to share. I'm really not certain what I want to say or how to say it. So, you're getting completely off the cuff. I'm sorry if it's kind of "out there" for many of you.
Most of you who read this know that I struggle with pain and depression and that I'm disabled now. Recently, my depression medication had to be changed. That requires a process of slowly coming off a medication you're used to and then beginning a new medication to a body that is down, depression wise. That process for me was very difficult and it's been more than a month and I'm just now starting to feel human again. That is probably why I've been unable to write anything.....trust me, I had nothing positive to share.
I have been trying to read at least a chapter of scripture each morning before I read the paper or watch The Today show. You know, just trying to start my days thoughts on the right foot, so to speak. I haven't done it everyday. I've missed some and that's okay. Yesterday however, I was reading in James and Isaiah and I had this spiritual nudge to call an old Pastor of mine. Someone I had a falling out with 20 years ago. I won't go into specifics but this was something I NEVER thought I would ever do. I have forgiven myself for my part and the Pastor and the church. When negative feelings would overcome me over the years, I forgive again. I guess I just never felt it necessary to revisit this part of my past. I believe I was mistaken.
I called the church and acquired the email address of the pastor involved. I just sent a short message, reminding who I am and letting them know of my need to revisit the past for the sake of peace within me.
I did get a very positive response and was asked to be patient in completely responding to my inquiry. Now I sit and I wait patiently. Making that first step though, has provided me with a sense of rightness. I know I am doing what The Lord wanted me to do. That phone call and resulting email was 20 years in the making. I have had it clear in my mind how I was "wronged" and even where I was wrong. But, until I made that phone call, I had not fully looked at the facts and my part in that falling out. I thought I had, really I did. But, we sometimes put blinders on when the truth is too difficult to look at directly. When I made that phone call, the blinders I didn't know were there, came off. I am now more aware of my actions and how they contributed at the time.
I look forward to the healing I will experience as I dig a little deeper into this. I'm thankful The Lord brought this to my mind and wouldn't allow me to let it go this time. I am blessed. I plan to share more of this (my spiritual growth) as it occurs and hopefully it will encourage someone else to take off the veil and look clearly into whatever you've had difficulty seeing. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty
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