Great overall morning

Hello Everyone,

I'm trying to be more consistent with my blog posts.  I'm pretty excited that I was able to get out for a bit this morning and check out some garage sales.  I picked up a couple of really cute summer dresses for myself and a really nice stroller for my daughter's baby or just for Grandma's house.  We will be filled with grandchildren tomorrow afternoon.  Life is good, but really hard too.  As much as I ADORE having my grandkids, it takes it's toll on my body.  But, that's another blog......not today.

One of the things that occur as your children get to be adults is that they cease to need you as a parent.  This truth has been especially difficult for me to accept.  I never thought I would suffer from the dreaded "empty nest syndrome" but I certainly have suffered.  Something that I try to tell myself is that no news is good news. Unfortunately, that doesn't always help.  When I DO get to spend some time with them, I tend to get sleepy. I think this is due to the fact that my worry switch is turned off and my sleep is more restful.  So I say....bring on the kids!!

I wonder if the Lord struggles with his children not keeping in touch with Him?  I understand that He knows all.  He knows our choices before we do.  I realize that for myself, that no news is good news but it doesn't help too much because I still miss them.  I wonder if the Lord misses me when I don't speak to Him for a day or more?  I forget that even though my earthly parents have both passed on, I still have a parent, albeit a holy parent, but a parent nonetheless that patiently waits for me to open the lines of communication.  This is welcome news but it doesn't always stay at the front of my brain.  I, like most people I know let my worries of the day come take me away.  This causes a LOT of discomfort both physically and mentally.  I guess I should practice what I preach and "cast my anxieties upon Him, because He cares about me" I Peter 5:7. I guess I will relax, for this day has been very good to me and I don't want to blow it.  ;-).  Until next time, be good to each other and yourself.  You're loved!!  Patty

A little bit of Spring Fever

Hello everyone,

Today is a beautiful spring day in the Omaha/Blair area.  I just got back from my first garage sale of the season and I'm SO excited to have them back.  You have no idea how much of my daily living items are bought at garage sales.  Life is SO good.  I'm really excited because tomorrow is my night with my grandson who just turned 6 months old.  I just love that little guy so much.  My daughter and I got to spend some time together outside of the apartment and just enjoyed each other's company.  It's amazing how much different we are toward each other now that she is an adult, and a pregnant one at that.  Today I got to see the crib that my sister bought for my daughter.  It is so beautiful, thank you so much Michelle for looking out for my daughter.  You are truly a gift from God.

I'm dealing with a little bit of spring fever today.  I only wish my body was in sync with my mind.  :-)  This kind of weather always takes me back in time.  When I was younger, I drove down these same streets hooking up with friends or a boyfriend and we would drive around and drink beer or get into some sort of trouble.  I remember this guy I dated, I won't name him but he and another friend took me to this place over in Desoto Bend in Iowa called "Leech Lake".  That name probably wasn't its official name, but I believed it was full of leeches anyway.  We were in a canoe.  That would be the first and last time I ever experienced a canoe.  Of course, being guys, they had to rock the boat.  I can remember being scared half to death that we would end up in the water.  It looked like there were trees in the water, or bushes or something.  It's a pleasant memory now, but at the time, yeah, not so much. I still see those guys every now and then.  It's nice to have a piece of my youth in the faces of people in my community.

Unfortunately, my body doesn't like to allow me to do the things I used to do or even the things I need to do. I deal with physical pain on a daily basis as a lot of you know and am waiting for my hearing to have my disability approved.  So, if you pray, please pray for a speedy hearing. It would be really nice to have the proper medications to improve my quality of life.  That won't happen unless I have some sort of income or insurance or something, you know?  Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know it's a beautiful day and I am sitting with the windows open and enjoying the breeze.  I may not have much, but I have everything I need by the grace of God.  Many blessings to you out there wherever you may be.  Be good to each other and yourself.  We are the light of the world, so SHINE.  Patty

My "Thankful Box"

Hello Everyone,

Today marks a new beginning for me.  Today I have a fresh start so to speak.  Things are changing in my living space and I'm really looking forward to the changes.  There are so many things I'm thankful for today. In fact, I've started a thankful box.  It's really just an old shoe box that I've covered with little sayings and pictures cut out of magazines.  Every time something happens that makes me thankful, I write it on a piece of paper and fold it and place it in my thankful box.  Every now and then, I have a bad day as most of us do. It's very healing for me to open up that box and read through some of the things that have blessed me so far this year.  It truly helps when I'm down.

I've been surprised when rereading these little slips of paper by what I was thankful for in previous days.  It becomes apparent to me that I don't always recognize when I SHOULD be thankful.  I have been without income since the first of the year.  I mean this literally.  Yet, I can say with all seriousness that all my needs are met and even some of my wants.  Is this incredible or what??  I've even been given things I didn't even know I needed before I actually came to realize it's significance.

I'm learning that it's the little things that are so important.  My grandchildren, a smile, a gift given and a gift received.  A goosebump moment when you KNOW you are being blessed with the presence of the Holy Spirit.  A friend leaving a message of encouragement on facebook.....lol.  It's amazing to me the people who are willing to pray when you ask for it.  One of my most favorite verses out of the bible is in Psalms, chapter 138:8 when God states "He will accomplish what concerns me."  That verse has sustained me in the best and worst of times.  My prayer for you, the reader, is that you would believe that verse speaks to you as well.

My goal is to keep this blog going and I know it's lacking in so many ways.  It's not colorful or full of great pictures or recipes but I hope it gives you perspective in the everyday.  As always, I appreciate any comments or criticisms anyone may have.  Until next time, be good to each other and yourself.  Patty

What I didn't do

Hello, I'm having one of those moments when you just need to express it somehow.  It doesn't really matter to whom or if it's even read.  But having it out here makes me feel a little better and somehow not so lonely. Once again, I've been schooled on my parenting practices, or lack thereof. Here is my big question.  How do you go back and instill in your children confidence and practicality? How do you make your adult children understand that .....I did it all wrong.  I'm sorry, please learn from my mistakes. I'm tired and needing to sleep but I will let you know if anything marvelous comes of this.

Where have I been??

Hello Everyone,

It's been awhile.  I can't say I've been busy but I have had a lot of changes and many, many lessons learned. The first thing I'd like to do is apologize to two people.....you know who you are.  I just want you to know I deleted that post and will not be so unfeeling in future posts.  Thank you for your forgiveness and for bringing it to my attention.

Okay, so how do I catch everyone up with my goings on?  I will try.  Many changes have occurred.  I have a roommate, am waiting to be approved for SSDI.  I've hired an attorney and am waiting for a court date. My grandson literally has sunshine coming out of his arse.  He should actually be here soon.  I found out my daughter is now 15 weeks pregnant and I couldn't be happier unless I was already approved and actually had income.  I can tell you with certainty that my grandson has taught me more about love in the almost 6 months of his life than all my other years put together.

I think the relationship between Pax and I has its foundation in Christ.  I'm relearning how to love and trust all over again.  I look at him and his reliance on others to care for each of his basic needs and I'm reminded of how much I too am loved.  Pax is truly the apple of my eye and I am the apple of Gods eye.  He says that in Psalms I think. I could look it up but that would take time and that's not even my point.  I'm re-learning how important I am to God.  It's truly amazing.  I have all my needs met and even some of my wants.  I have no income and yet I have each need met each month.  How does that happen??  I can't tell you.  It's family and friends and random things in the mail, which turn out to be NOT so random at all.

There is so much more I need to say but for now it will just have to wait.  My sunshine is about to be here. I have missed talking to you via this blog.  I don't know if you have missed me, so let me know if I should continue.  Until next time......take care of yourself and others.  PattyinBlair

The circle of Life

Hello everyone, I hope you've all had a blessed couple of weeks.  The weather is wonderful and it's a joy to go to my sisters to help her walk her two chiquaquas around a block or two.  I'd call them THING 1 and THING 2, but the truth is, I truly enjoy these walks.  One of these dogs is the dad to the other, literally.  He is constantly trying to parent the younger and smaller dog.  It's quite amusing.  What isn't amusing is that now when I visit, they connect me to the walk, and a chiquaquas bark is highly annoying...lol.....what's a girl to do.  Even though it's a painful process because of my physical pain and I pay for it later, it's still worth it.

The reason I bring up the dogs is to help explain the changes in the weather and how the leaves change and we know that cold weather is coming.  And we need this, in order for spring to come again along with the new flowers and fresh grass and all the beautiful bird sounds....New life.  It's all a circle, I know it sounds cliche but this particular week, not only did I witness it, I felt it.  The bittersweet of having something really bad happen in the midst of tremendous joy.  It's very difficult to keep perspective when your heart and your mind is so confused.

Two weeks ago today, I had a grandchild by my baby, my youngest.  Two days after that, my ex-mother-in-law passed away.  That would be the new babys great grandmother.  I truly loved that woman.  She taught me so much about parenting and taking care of a home.  Most importantly, she loved me even when her son and I divorced.  I think alot of it is because of my children.  My children took their grandparents out of their shell.  My kids were huggers and kissers and my husbands parents were not.  My children taught their grandparents how to show affection.  Don't get me wrong, my ex-husband was the youngest of nine children.  But I think because we lived just behind them for the first six years or so, my kids and their grandparents became very close and it showed.  Anyway, I loved her and I love my ex-father-in-law and I feel terrible for his loss.  They were married more then 65 years.  That in itself is amazing.  I can't imagine the loss he must feel.

That's what makes this so bittersweet.  My grandchild is the most amazing feeling I've ever had.  He lays on my chest and sleeps and it is the epitome of peace.  Through this small child I'm being taught about love and trust once again.  These are feelings I've been hiding for some time.  My life has been on hold for quite a while, but I can now feel those bonds of not trusting and not allowing myself to love someone other than my family slowly coming loose.  I'm starting to feel whole again.  I truly think it's because I'm relearning how to trust through the love and total dependence this baby has on others. 

One life ends and another begins and summer is over and fall has begun and soon we will experience winter once again.  And I will be stronger and so will my grandchild.  I will be a better person because of what this little innocent baby is teaching me.  I am so very grateful and thankful that I get to be a part of this entire experience.  I am a grandmother and it is so very well with my soul.

Love each other and treat each other like you love each other.  None of us are promised tomorrow.  Anything can happen.  So tell your loved ones that you love them, and visit them.  Especially when they get older.  I passed up an opportunity to spend more time with my ex-husbands mother and I regret that.  Don't allow that to happen to you.  Love one another.  Until next time, love Patty

Things I should have learned long ago....

Hello Everyone,

I've had a difficult time starting this blog back up.  So many things have changed in my life and I guess I'll get to them one at a time.  I really hoped to be able to share some of the wonderful lessons in life I've learned to help one individual from repeating my mistakes.  It would be worth it right?  I sure hope so but truthfully, who am I trying to kid?  I'm still trying to grow up and learn from my own mistakes, but unfortunately, I keep making them over and over again.  I will tell you something I learned this week, again. 

Not long ago, my son and his girlfriend and I moved in together for a year.  I'm expecting my grandchild any day, so keep your eyes peeled for updates.  :-)  It's hard having roommates especially when they're also family.  It's been a real challenge to look at my son as my roommate and not as his mother and where is the line that changes me from Mom to roommate?  I'm finding that line to be as curvy and changable and challenging as anything I've undertaken before.  Wow, do I have a lot to learn!

This may sound like a "duh" to some of you, but to me......those lines are difficult to follow but easy to cross.  I try very hard to be respectful of my roommates and all that implies, but the mother in me wants to continue to do some of the things that moms are used to doing.  Things like laundry and cooking and picking up the living room and cleaning the kitchen and go to the grocery store.  Unfortunately, sometimes the roommate steps in there and wants to complain because I'm doing most of the work and have none of the fun.  Oh, and they seem to have more spending money than I do and don't you remember I loaned you that 10 bucks and picked up that stuff for you at the store?  So that means that you owe me.....and this all makes sense to me until I'm reminded that hey, you're my son and as a mother I want to do these things.  Being able to still be a part of my sons life is one of the most rewarding gifts I could possibly be given and on top of that.  I get to be here when the baby comes.  How many people are as blessed as I am?  How do I walk that crazy messed up blurred and blessed line?  And the biggest question of all is, how do I walk that line successfully without hurt feelings?  .

Let me tell you, that's where the lesson comes in.  It kind of all goes back to that whole kindergarden thing.  Be polite, don't cut in line, hold hands when crossing the street, be nice, don't take anyone else's toys, don't stick out your tongue and treat others how you want to be treated.  That last one is one of the most difficult things to do. 

I don't always want to have to be kind and thankfully, they're my family and when I've had a difficult day, I don't treat them that way.  I treat them like their my roommates.  I attempt to give the same considerations I would give someone who I want to give a good impression to.  Not like I would somebody who HAS to love me, do you know what I mean?  I think that's the key to living in the same home as anybody.  You should always treat the people you love BETTER than the way you'd treat a friend or someone you would want to give a good impression to.  It seems like when I follow those principles......things go better.  I keep that molehill from becoming a mountain.  What really sucks is, this is not a lesson you learn once and can file it away for good measure.  It's a lesson that keeps you on your toes and something you have to be mindfull of on a moment by moment basis. 

Remember, to show people you love them with your behavior and your words and with respect that is due to those you admire.  Be good to you and I hope to chat with you soon.  Feel free to give me any feedback you may have...good or bad..I can take it.  Patty