Trying to peek over the fence

Good Morning Everyone,

I don't think it's a secret that things have been difficult for me lately. There are so many changes happening all at once and most of the time, I have no idea what the next change will be. Or how those changes will effect me. I know that I should be more thankful than I am. I am thankful, very thankful. That doesn't mean that this year has been easy for me. I really dislike that I use this blog as my therapy. But, it is my therapy. I learned this at the first job I had working with people in crisis. I found that the more I helped others, the healthier I was becoming. This also has the opposite effect. When I isolate myself away from others, I'm not helping anyone or myself. Isolating makes my issues more obvious and painful. It really makes me wish I had some sort of interaction with the public so I am not just writing for writings sake. Do you know what I'm trying to say?

It's kind of like when they say that to forgive someone is not for the benefit of the one being forgiven, the benefit falls onto the person who does the forgiving. It is a sort of Karma, or what goes around, come around, or you reap what you sow. It's a thought that seems to transcend religion. Unless I'm mistaken, it's a belief that most "faiths" pretty much agree on.

Lately it feels like something is changing and I can't put my finger on it. There is a restlessness that is there yet I don't want to leave my apt. The extra something is not just effecting me. It seems to be touching everyone who visits for any amount of time. There's a heaviness and it just drains every bit of energy I have. I'm having difficulty enjoying any of the things I've enjoyed in the past. Yes I'm well aware that depression is basically what I just described. Hey I'm doing my part, I'm sharing my thoughts, I'm willing to help others if I'm physically healthy. Do you want to hear what's really horrible?? When I'm having one of these days when I can't use the restroom without looking like someone with narcolepsy......It's a good thing I don't know any drug users anymore, I think I would have a hard time saying no to that kind of energy. Thankfully The Lord protects me from myself. I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite verses in the Book of Ephesians 2:8-10 "For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not as a result of works, that no one should boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, love, Patty