Just a little sumpun to share

incredibly wise advice.....love it

Distractify is with Charlene Cordova.

December 5, 2013 at 1:05pm ·

This is powerful.

I saw this on my facebook from 4 years ago and it struck me again with its wise words. We all need these reminders, especially me. Remember Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty

More and more changes

Hello Everyone,

I am truly blessed. Yesterday my granddaughter Amelia got to come home. She's a whopping 4 lbs, 10 ozs. She is so tiny but so beautiful. I got to see her youngest brothers reaction......priceless. He was instantly in love. He was kissing her whole face with his open mouth and kept trying to pick her up. He just hit 16 months old. It was unexpected for him to respond that way. His reaction was way cooler than what we thought. He's dealing with some jealousy issues, but that's to be expected. I'm just so happy she's home and healthy. I will update you all if anything changes but I believe only good things are coming their way. My youngest son and his wife have come through some difficult times recently. But, they're holding their own and I couldn't be more proud of them both. I am blessed. So are they!

In other news, it looks like one of my other kids will be going through a divorce. It's sad, but after the things that were said and done, it is obviously the best thing for them. The kids will suffer some but I know my child well enough to know that they won't be lacking in love and all the necessities they might need. I'm not celebrating the end of their marriage or anything but I can honestly say I understand what my child is going through and knowing how tough it is and the long road ahead. She has a good head on her shoulders and the main reason I'm talking about this is because they need prayer. We all need prayer, but a little extra never hurts and will be definitely appreciated. Please and thank you ahead of time for any prayers you may offer on their behalf.

My other son is there with my daughter to assist with whatever she may need as far as babysitting and just general all around kind of shoulder to lean on. I sure wish I could be there but her dad and step-mom are close and with her brother there as well, she's not going it alone. I'm very thankful for that.

This is enough for now. I just want to remind everyone that difficult times are not something you can avoid. Everyone has their share. It's not the nature of the difficulty that defines who we are, rather it's how we respond to those times. I've heard it said that God doesn't give us anything that we can't handle. I disagree completely. God uses these times to remind us that He's there and can help. The Lord never wants us to suffer needlessly, but He allows these times to teach us and guide us to be better people and closer to Him.

Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True..............and stay on your knees during difficult times, it helps!

Love to all, Patty

Happy New Year and Christmas and baby, etc

Hello Everyone,

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and all that jazz. I pray that everyone enjoyed their time off work and got to spend time with family and/or loved ones. (they're not always the same, unfortunately). I am just glad the new year is here. I have hope for positive changes for this year. Who knows, maybe we'll be called to serve by The Lord in an entirely different location......like heaven, or wherever it is that we go until our final destination is completed and ready for us. Now, that is exciting!

The weather outside is frightful, legitimately frightful....cold as 'the cold blue tundra'. It's not fit for man nor beast. But, tomorrow and I believe at least the next day will not only be tolerable but actually above freezing......holy cow, I'm excited!

On that note, I have a new granddaughter that I'm anxious to meet. She was born on Dec. 19, and needing to spend time in the NICU. There is hope she'll be able to come home tomorrow. Not having a vehicle has made it very difficult to be patient. But it makes me feel better knowing it's not just me who hasn't met her. Her brothers are all anxiously waiting to meet their new sister in person. After 3 boys in a row, all about 18 months apart, I'm believing this is going to be one tough little girl. She's not my first granddaughter but my other two are in Missouri so I don't get to see then very often. I do enjoy talking on the phone with them. They are so much like their mother, it's hilarious. She is such a good mom, I'm very proud of her.....not perfect mind you, but she sincerely tries, as do the rest of my grandchildren's parents. My daughters husband truly tries to be a good dad. My youngest son with the 4 kids has a wonderful wife whom I love very much even though she scares me. She knows no fear and doesn't pay attention to what others think of her, not that she needs to worry about that sort of thing. She's very kind and I love that about her. Ok, enough about all that. I will give you an update tomorrow. Just to let everyone know, I have been a busy grandma. I've been helping almost on a daily basis with the boys so my son Ben and his wife Alex can spend time with Amelia. But I'm trying to be a better blogger also.

To all my loved ones who read my ramblings and all of you who put forth the effort to read my blog even though you really don't know me. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. But I've taken my night meds and time for me to "hit the hay" as they say.

Please be careful out there wherever you are and look out for your fellow man. Any small thing to assist another never goes unseen or unappreciated. The Lord sees and your reward will be worth it. But your motivation should be to be a kind person. To end this message I must stick with past musings that have touched me and hopefully you.

Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.
I love you all,
Patty (about 20 miles outside of Omaha)

Take care and keep the faith!! He is Risen and He will return soon!

Sad, Gross and just plain ole me

Hello Everyone,

As I sit here eating my dinner (spaghetti, meatballs & garlic cheese bread) I find myself pondering mans inhumanity to man......again. Perhaps I should have been pondering how many calories I'm putting away. Oh, well, I love my food folks. I just saw an article that caught my eye for a moment. I didn't want to read it. The headline was enough for me. It said something along the lines of 'Single mom wins $118 million in the lottery just to be sued by her pastor.' Really? Like I said, I didn't read it because it was so disturbing. I'm sure with her being a single parent, she's probably needed help from the church on an occasion or 30. There's also a part of me that understands why the church is a little upset. However, what kind of a message are they sending to their flock? The Bible is really clear about believers taking their issues to anyone outside the church. The whole situation just hurts my heart. I don't know what city this is happening in and have no other information, but please pray for all those affected by the evil one leading even the leaders astray. Lord help us, In Jesus' name, Amen.

On a lighter note, do you have a guilty pleasure that's kind of gross? Over the past couple of years, I've learned all about YouTube. My goodness, the things you can find on that site. Here are a couple of gross ones that I just can't seem to make my eyes look away, kind of like a bad accident....I'm rubbernecking at home at my television. Okay, so here goes....it started with watching Dr's popping zits and cysts and all kinds of blackheads. I just couldn't look away. Then I located the cleaning of the ears. I realized this was more of a cultural problem and didn't hold my interest for long...but not because of it being cultural. It just wasn't as interesting as say, my next fascination was for Jiggers in certain areas of Africa and South America I think. The pain that these smallest of fleas causes for both the young and the old and everyone in between is not only heart breaking but watching them get better is inspiring. They go through some major pain in order to get rid of them. Finally, the last of the gross ones are the mango worms in dogs in Gambia. It's so sad and far too common. Okay, no more gross stuff

I love listening to Trey Gowdy talk to just about anyone. I enjoy the paranormal stuff sometimes, but I'm not sure how God feels about that, so I keep it to a minimum now. Anyway, enough ranting from me. I just thought I'd share something about me. I know, I'm not a very interesting person. I'm me.
Until we talk again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty In Omaha.

I'm Baaaacccckkkk

Hello Everyone,

Bring out your defibrillators because I'm back. It's been over a year and I guess I didn't think I had anything to give there for a while and it's recently come to my attention that a stagnant life is hardly worth living. So, I've decided to try to live again and this is my way of doing what I can to give back. I hope somebody benefits. I know as I am writing I realize that the person who usually ends up benefiting the most from my writings is me. I usually write what I need to hear. Does anyone else do that? In that way, I'm kind of selfish. 

Okay, since I can't actually chat with any of you (unless you comment), I will try to update you on all the changes in my life and the lack thereof. Like most Christians I am watching the sky and everything else for signs of the coming of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I truly am surprised we're all still here. I believe it can't be too much longer, but I guess there are still a few things that need to line up so.....we wait. My prayer life kind of sucks. I try to talk to Him every day but I find myself lacking in that area. Please pray for my desire for Him to increase. That's been a lifelong struggle. I'm too self involved I guess, or rather know this about me. 

I'm about to have another grandchild. My son and daughter in law are expecting their first girl in January. She'll have plenty of protection with 3 older brothers right there. I didn't have any brothers growing up so I have no idea what she's in for, but my daughter knows. When her dad remarried, she gained 3 more brothers along with the 3 she already had. Anyway, so yeah, since my daughter and her husband and her 2 daughters moved to Missouri, I rarely get to see them so I'm excited to have a little granddaughter near.

I don't want this first post to be long and too wordy. I just kind of wanted to get my feet wet and see if there is any an interest or not before I dive in. I really want to be more involved with my writings and be more motivated. Let me know if there is anything you'd like me to talk about or if there is something about me that you have questions about. Until next time,

Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True,

I've missed this, 

Patty in Omaha, or rather Blair, but who really cares... :-)

put your phone down and communicate with each other

Hello Everyone,

You know I always thought that the way to the soul is through the eyes. Now I know that isn't true. First and foremost, the way to the soul is through The Lord. He will let you know if you're looking for the wrong thing. Secondly, eyes lie. I mean they don't speak words, but they are powerful communicators that can completely disarm whomever those eyes are choosing to target. That is called lust, and lust has already had plenty of my time. Now, I'm on my own financially, taking care of myself with my sisters cars help. I have a neighbor upstairs from me that needs help making appts, being understood after having a stroke and he doesn't have a vehicle either. Plus, I have a platonic friend as a roommate for at least another month, then we'll see if this is still kosher with us both.

I finally got Life Insurance, just enough to put me to rest and approx 7-10 for each of the kids. I don't want them to have to have garage sales and gofundme.com just to have my remains taken care of........that's just too much.

The Lord and I haven't been talking much to each other. I know enough to admit that once again, it's me that's pulled back, NEVER Him. But that's what gets so frustrating, it's always my fault. I have to apologize, I have to make things right, I have to suck it up even though I didn't deserve that. But then, I'm a mother and Grandmother and I want all my kids to be proud of the changes I made, especially over the last 16 years.

So I just want to say, to stand up, put down your phones, all of you, shut off that TV and play a game or cook together, go to the movies, play at the park. Shutting off your phones and looking someone in the eye shows so much more respect than 15 emails.........Just love one another as if tomorrow won't be coming.
In the mean time,  Be Kind;  Be Wise; Be True!!!!   Love you, Patty

So many changes, but I'm the same person

Hello, all you who are faithful even when I'm lost to you for months at a time. I appreciate you all VERY much! Let's catch up.

First, for those who may or may not know, my daughter is about to give birth to her second daughter....I mean like any day, any time. We're very excited as we hope to see both the girls on or around the 20th of this month. Hopefully nothing happens to alter those plans. So please pray for Mary to have Anna as soon as possible and in the healthiest way possible. Thank you.

Also, my son Ben and his wife Alex are just a couple of weeks out of delivering their 3rd son whose name is Connor. We're all looking forward to meeting him. He's going to have to be a strong one and the other 2 boys are very active. They are smart and happy boys. I'm very blessed to get them as often as I want and since they're moving even closer......I should see them ALOT!!

I've also taken on a roommate, not really though. He is family and gets the couch but he's helping me to feel safer and it seems as if the help has been a positive move for everyone involved.

I found a church I like here in Blair. Things were going so great. Then I got to pouring out everything I've ever been through to the Pastor and his wife and I haven't been able to go back. You know when you take honesty and mess up your timeline and make it all sound like it didn't happen over 20 years ago.....I don't know, I thought.....ok, I wasn't thinking. I was very depressed at the time. So everything bad that had ever happened to me came out in about a 15-20 minute talk. I feel stupid. Now I'm nervous to go back, but I have one of their books that was specifically bought due to an interest I had explaining the differences between the Samaritans and the Samarians. It's brand new. What would you do? Suck it up and go to a service and hide among those 20 people? Gosh though, his messages are truly inspired by the Lord. I miss the messages, but my body doesn't want to get up that early and actually be clean and presentable to others. I'm in a conundrum. Maybe I am a conundrum.

Anyway, my back is really screaming at me for sitting this long to type this so I'm stopping now. Feel free to write back, ask question, give me answers to some I asked of you. And until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.

Patty in Omaha

I'm not who I think I am

Hello Everyone,

I know I missed Easter with you, so Happy Easter. I'm early for April Fools so I guess this is no joke. I want to be true to you. True about who I am. You know I had a cousin die last week. A cousin who has done nothing but bring joy to all he met. He played his guitar and sang and his daughters still called him Daddy. I never met him, except through Facebook. After I became disabled and I spent that year without any income. I had to turn my car back over to the bank. So, not only do I not have a car but they are trying to get 6,000. from me. Yeah, sorry, not gonna happen. I turned that car over the moment I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay for it. Well that's another story and I don't want to get in to that right now. Anyway, my point is that he wasn't that far away, but I couldn't get there to meet him and now he's gone.

Make sure you let your loved ones know that they have touched you, that they meant something, that you miss them and love them. They won't be there forever. They never are. Tomorrow is not promised. And though I try not to preach on this blog, I still have to say, don't let death be your final destination. Make sure you know where you're going. I truly believe that death just kills our body, but our soul lives on and that can be either in heaven or hell.....your choice. Sorry, again, not sorry, this is what I believe.

I might also say regarding the Depression that I'm not being medicated properly. So many issues have been brought to the surface recently. Though they are issues from the past and as adults we are to put those childish issues in the past and live as an adult. It doesn't mean that things that happened in the past should have ever happened to a child. Therefore, they are not childish issues. They're adult issues that a child was forced to endure. And they occurred at a time when your little brains are forming their personalities. Who we will be for the rest of our lives. How we will think. Now I know that I have the Spirit of God that dwells inside me. He speaks to me on a daily basis trying to tell me the truth of who I am. Unfortunately, that's not the only voice speaking to me. (speaking is such a relative term), I hope you know what I mean. It's not a spoken voice, it's more like a thought that makes its presence known. Those thoughts don't always have a good thing to say about me. Sometimes, those thoughts are really, really tough on me. It's difficult to know that your past isn't just who you are, it's only a part of who you are. Don't forget that. We can also add into that mix, who we will be. And that's an important part. I have to say these things because I need to remember them. I need to hear this so if it doesn't apply to you, just go on to the next blog and accept my forgiveness. Not all of us are as screwed up as I am.

Until we meet again, remember Be Kind, Be Wise, Be True, love, Patty

I can see clearly now the veil is gone

Hello Everyone,

It's nice to be back here. Not that I went anywhere. I'm just happy to have something to share. I'm really not certain what I want to say or how to say it. So, you're getting completely off the cuff. I'm sorry if it's kind of "out there" for many of you.

Most of you who read this know that I struggle with pain and depression and that I'm disabled now. Recently, my depression medication had to be changed. That requires a process of slowly coming off a medication you're used to and then beginning a new medication to a body that is down, depression wise. That process for me was very difficult and it's been more than a month and I'm just now starting to feel human again. That is probably why I've been unable to write anything.....trust me, I had nothing positive to share.

I have been trying to read at least a chapter of scripture each morning before I read the paper or watch The Today show. You know, just trying to start my days thoughts on the right foot, so to speak. I haven't done it everyday. I've missed some and that's okay. Yesterday however, I was reading in James and Isaiah and I had this spiritual nudge to call an old Pastor of mine. Someone I had a falling out with 20 years ago. I won't go into specifics but this was something I NEVER thought I would ever do. I have forgiven myself for my part and the Pastor and the church. When negative feelings would overcome me over the years, I forgive again. I guess I just never felt it necessary to revisit this part of my past. I believe I was mistaken.

I called the church and acquired the email address of the pastor involved. I just sent a short message, reminding who I am and letting them know of my need to revisit the past for the sake of peace within me.
I did get a very positive response and was asked to be patient in completely responding to my inquiry. Now I sit and I wait patiently. Making that first step though, has provided me with a sense of rightness. I know I am doing what The Lord wanted me to do. That phone call and resulting email was 20 years in the making. I have had it clear in my mind how I was "wronged" and even where I was wrong. But, until I made that phone call, I had not fully looked at the facts and my part in that falling out. I thought I had, really I did. But, we sometimes put blinders on when the truth is too difficult to look at directly. When I made that phone call, the blinders I didn't know were there, came off. I am now more aware of my actions and how they contributed at the time.

I look forward to the healing I will experience as I dig a little deeper into this. I'm thankful The Lord brought this to my mind and wouldn't allow me to let it go this time. I am blessed. I plan to share more of this (my spiritual growth) as it occurs and hopefully it will encourage someone else to take off the veil and look clearly into whatever you've had difficulty seeing. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty

A Kiss of Encouragement

Good Morning Everyone,

I am trying to be a better person. This morning I found myself reading in the book of Isaiah in chapter 35 and I came across the one of the most beautiful verses of things to come in the millennial kingdom in verses 1-2, ".....and the Arabah will rejoice and blossom; Like the crocus it will blossom profusely and rejoice with rejoicing and shout of joy........". If you're like me, you've probably read this many times and never gave it much thought. But, if what I'm reading is correct, then in the millennial kingdom, flowers will shout with joy! Can you even imagine a world like that? I have to say it filled me with joy this morning, just the thought of it. I can visualize what that will be like, maybe it was a gift from The Lord......a visual to be refreshed by with things to come. Maybe it's a pat on the shoulder, a kiss of encouragement in a time of frustration for me. This is what I have to look forward to; flowers that sing with joy. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but maybe I'm not.

There is hope, and I think that is the lesson here for me and maybe for you too. We're told not to lose hope. I try not to, but it's hard in this day and age of greed and political unrest. I've become kind of jaded. I don't always see things as they are. The way I feel plays way too big a part in my day to day functions. I forget to look toward a future that doesn't involve pain or death or greed with political unrest and wars and rumors of wars. Maybe it won't be today, but maybe it will. Nobody knows when these things will happen. But if you're looking at the way the world is today, it's never been riper for the prophecies to finally happen.

I just wanted to share a little joy with you this morning. My last post was an eye opener for those of us who don't look at the truth of who we really are at the core of our being. Choosing instead to look through a blind eye at the choices we've made and how they've affected others. Looking at truth doesn't always have to be a reprimand. Sometimes truth is not painful. In fact, truth is made to be freeing. I don't hold those truths about myself close to my head and heart. I don't mind being an open book. I'd rather be truthful about my ugly parts and my beautiful parts. I am who I am and today that makes me peaceful. My prayer for you is that your truth makes you peaceful as well. I hope you find hope in the future that has been created for us. I hope the thought of flowers singing with joy brings you to a place of excitement for things to come.

For today as always, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, with all my love, Patty

Truthful Eyes

Hello Everyone,

I know, I know I'm about as reliable as the weather in the Midwest. However, now that I pretty much have my life nailed back down I think I'm ready to share some things with all of you again. Thank you so much to those of you who have stayed with me during my dry spells and spells where I'm actually saying something. You mean something to me.

I believe it is now safe to say.......I'm going to be a grandma again.....to 2 more beautiful children by my daughter and my daughter in law. It sounds like one should be ready in August and the other maybe not til September or so. That will give me 5 grandchildren under the age of 3! Can you believe that??? God has blessed me so many times it's hard to believe I ever have down days but oh well. I am still a human being.

I've noticed as I've grown older how many failures have led me to this place of an understanding of myself.
It has recently been pointed out to me that my kids' stepmother has had a more positive influence on my kids than I have. I have to say my first impression upon hearing this was not a positive one.....not at all. In fact, I felt embarrassed, chastised, hurt, wronged and a whole bunch of other emotions. However, she has had a greater influence in many ways than I have. I have come to believe that she has held them to a higher standard than I have, which in a lot of ways have helped them to be better people. Every parent makes mistakes and I'm not any different. It was a very hard realization for me to accept that she too has been their mom for about 12 years now. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I've agreed with her methods, I have NOT. In fact, I've been quite upset by the way I feel my kids were treated growing up with her. There was a constant comparison between her children and mine that left some of my kids feeling very inferior. I felt like it was my job to help keep the balance and overlooked things that should have been dealt with by a firmer hand from me. I couldn't do it though and looking back, I sort of wished I was a stronger person, both then and now.

Making mistakes doesn't make us better people until we've looked at what happened through truthful eyes. I made so many mistakes and they weren't all about keeping the balance either. I also had an occasion occur recently that reminded me that I can be VERY self centered and near sighted when it comes to many things. Like a lot of other people, I have a list of excuses I could use that would make me feel better as a person, mother, sister, grandmother, human being. But I know the only way to grow in faith and in maturity is by being put through the refinery, like gold and silver is....having our impurities taken out is a painful process but it yields a purer soul. The end result is not where the growth occurs, the growth occurs during the painful times. It's looking in the mirror and working on the issues you see reflect back at you.

I pray this message finds you at peace with who you are and from where you've come and where you're headed. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Patty

Dresses on the walls? What?

Hello Everyone,

Well this is my 100th post on this blog. I've enjoyed the opportunity to express myself even if there aren't many of you out there reading this. It's therapeutic for me regardless. I would, however like to share some positive things that are going on in my life. I've spent quite a bit of time sharing my frustrations and depression episodes and things similar, in hopes that my words would encourage someone dealing with the same type of feelings I have. It helps to know you're not alone when experiencing depression. That someone out there understands and that it's okay and even healthy to talk about it. I think it's important to be genuine. I'm not always happy, but I'm not always sad and depressed either. I think it's time for some of the good.

As many of you know, I recently moved into a main level apt with only one bedroom. This has been the most positive thing I've done for myself in a long time. I have to give a shout out to my sister who lives here in town close by. She's got some of the strangest ideas when it comes to decorating that just seem to work. I mean who would think to use an old fashioned blinged out dress as wall decoration? She does and it works! She has me rethinking some of my standards and shaking things up a bit. Now, I don't have a dress hanging on my wall but I do have a scarf that's outlining some pictures that looks fabulous. I think my fish likes it too. I have another sister who's about 20 miles away and her and her husband just bought a house and now she gets to start over on her decorating. Changing just a few things in a room can alter it in a way that what once was "a little much" to "warm and inviting", she gets to start from scratch. It's exciting. When I walk through my apt door, I automatically feel good to be HOME. There's just something about the smaller more compact apt that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Today as I sat here at home with my blinds open watching the snow fall for the first time this season, I was overcome by how many blessings I've received this year. Some of them weren't even asked for. I'm humbled when I realize how much of the negative I have focused on. It's genuine alright, but it shouldn't be. I am the only one who can make that decision. The decision to be content with what I've been given. My prayer for all of you and myself is that we will all become active participants in learning to be content and at peace wherever our station in life may be.

Tonight I leave you with an appropriate verse in Hebrews 13: 5b ".....being content with what you have, for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you."" Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.......Love, Patty

I AM CHOSEN!!

Hello Everyone,

It's hard to believe that we're nearing the end of October of 2015. Truth be told, I never expected to live this long. I treated myself badly for years. For those of you younger than I....take note. You will pay later for what you put your body through now. Some people just have good genes I guess. I must not be one of them. But, that doesn't have to define who we are today. I know I say that sort of thing a lot these days but it's true. I look back on my younger years and see the choices I made and the stupid things I believed and how I allowed others to treat me. I wish I could talk to her....my younger self. Let her know how many regrets she would have later. Tell her to think more and act less. Be silent, listen, be still.

I feel that way about my family and loved ones too. I see things in my children that I wish I could just download my experiences into their data banks and have them learn by osmosis. We are a lot like computers it's true, but not enough and that is a very good thing. What we failed to know then is what made us who we are now. That my dear is not a mistake. We can't pick and choose our mistakes from the past and most of us wouldn't anyway. We know that if only one of those things didn't occur, it would change everything....everything that we are now. I have to believe that all that I am is for a reason. There is something special about me. There is something in me worth dying for. I am a precious daughter of the Almighty God. I am chosen and elected and adopted as one of HIS. I would be a better use to Him if I remember who I am and where I'm going and what is truly important in this life of ours. A little reminder of this is found in I Thess. 1:4-5a "knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you; for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and with the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; "

I wish for you all to be blessed and until we meet again remember to Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, with love, Patty

Blah, blah, blah and other interesting topics

Hello Everyone,

I really am trying to be more regular at this but, it's hard. It's hard to know what's appropriate and helpful or what's going to bring others down or cause sorrow. There's been a lot of reminders lately of those people whom I've loved and lost. Family members who have passed on that I miss so entirely. I am frustrated with my lack of life or rather the lack of participation in life. Having chronic illnesses that are not going to get better takes a part in that as well.

Have you had times where you want to get together with family or friends and you don't because you don't want to bring them down? I get tired of hearing myself complain. Others ask how I'm doing and I don't have a positive thing to say unless I'm not honest. What's the point, right? So, I stay home, get bored, talk to my fish, read books, watch the daily paper pile up without being read. I watch hour after hour of Netflix, but even that gets old......trust me.

I really need some ideas for some hobbies. I don't want to sew or crochet or knit....I've already been through the cross-stitch phase. I read, but that's not enough. I sometimes think I'll buy a guitar and learn how to play or buy a drawing pad and see where my thoughts take me in that format. Send me your ideas please.

On a positive note, one of my grandsons spent the night with me last night. We had a great time. It's amazing just watching his vocabulary develop along with his understanding of different things. Truly amazing. The two of us giggled while playing all morning. Don't get me wrong, it is exhausting and I do pay for it physically but it's worth it.

Also, can a fish like an African Cichlid get sick due to boredom or loneliness? If so, what can I do? This particular fish is too aggressive with other fish and has to be separated, but truthfully, she stalks me. She watches every move I make and it makes me feel terrible.

Anyway, I miss hearing from those I care about, but even if you don't know me feel free to drop a comment. I'm still trying out here to find my way. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty

Solitude sucks!

Hello Everyone,

Recently I had a big change in my life. A change I thought that would be sort of welcoming. I've been telling myself for the last 7 or 8 years that I've come to enjoy my own company. I seek out my alone time. I got to say, what a crock I've been feeding myself.

My daughter and her husband and my granddaughter moved out of state this past weekend. I can count on my two hands how many days I've spent without seeing my little Emma. It's not like I won't miss my daughter or her husband, because I will. But, my time with Emma was very precious to me. It's only been one full day and it already sucks. I see myself in this apt and wonder if this is all there is left? Have I really become comfortable being alone?

I can tell you that I will be spending a lot more time with my grandsons, Pax and Dean. They're here in my community now and that makes me very thankful. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for them being local.
The thing is, I have built this wall that makes me invincible to the arrows of life. I can't be hurt too bad because I've cut out almost everyone in my life. I have a sister that's local and another that's 25 miles away. But, without a car, travel of any sort is difficult. There are no taxi's in this little community. I haven't been "Patty in Omaha" for over 2 years now. I also have family in other states that I miss daily but I've learned to live without them being a part of my daily life. You adjust, you have to, no choice. This isn't how I pictured my life at 51 years old. If the truth be told, I never thought I'd live to be this age. I didn't treat myself very well on my way here.

I have these things I want to do. Things I'd like to try, like knitting, or painting. Who knows, maybe I'd be good at it. My mother was. I need to find something to fill up my life. Not just Netflix and books. I may be disabled but that shouldn't mean I'm unable. And I shouldn't forget my first love, The Lord. Unfortunately, I talk a good talk, but forget to walk the good walk. Thankfully, He doesn't hold a grudge. That's really all I have to say for now. Love the people in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.....Love, Patty

We are spiritual beings

Hello Everyone,

I've had a lot on my mind recently. I've been going through all of the necessary tests that one takes when they reach that golden age of 50. So far, things are going well with only one more test to endure. Hurrah for my side. Sometimes the most difficult tests we go through have nothing to do with medicine or school.

Learning to live outside of your emotions is one of the most difficult challenges we face as individuals. It's hard to separate how we feel from who we really are. We think because something upsets us that we are entitled to that feeling of being upset. I beg to disagree. We are spiritual beings I believe. As spiritual beings it's important to remember that this life is but a brief space in time when compared to eternity. When we die, as we all do, we change into who we were meant to be. We were created in the image of God. We are not governed by time or emotion or our circumstances. Love should be our greatest endeavor, our most fervent passion, the thing we strive for the most. I'm not talking about passionate love that one feels physically for another person. I'm talking about the kind of love that sheds light so bright that the darkness cannot even comprehend it.

I'm not going to say this is something I'm working diligently on. But, I should be. This is more than perspective, it's a reality that most of us haven't even comprehended let alone put into practice. The idea that I don't have to live in any typical emotion is still very foreign to me. But I really want to learn how to transcend these moments and live as I was meant to, as a spiritual being.

I believe that there are pieces that can be taken from different "schools of thought" from around the world of beliefs that can help us to realize this major truth. I believe that meditation would be very helpful in my search to love. I believe that most "religions" have a little bit of truth in them. Little nuggets of wisdom that we close ourselves off to out of fear.

I'm talking about love that doesn't require forgiveness because we've never counted it against us in the first place. Am I making any sense? Perfect love......it's worth looking into don't you think?

Typically I would end my rantings with one of my favorite verses from the Bible but tonight I have my mind working overtime and I need to shut it off and get some rest. So until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty

Confessions of a serial isolationist

Hello Everyone,

It's been awhile but I'm here now. I'm thankful for the few of you who still have an interest in my ramblings. I'm not sure what all I've shared regarding recent goings on so here's an update. I did finally get my disability and now have all my medical taken care of. I'm able to live alone and be self sufficient. Self sufficient in all ways except transportation. And since I'm outside of Omaha now, there isn't a transportation system to get me to local appointments. Thankfully I'm able to get a ride for most errands. I also now have 3 local grandchildren who are also a great source of joy for me.

You would think I would be more appreciative. Instead I find myself struggling daily, sometimes all day with depression, helplessness and without any lasting joy. I find myself not wanting to get outside at all even when I do have a ride. I feel lost and honestly, very lonely. For the past 8 years I've learned to isolate quite effectively and that's not a good thing for me. I've managed to pull away from loved ones and friends to the point where I really don't hear from anyone anymore. Sometimes that bothers me, but mostly it bothers me that I've become comfortable with it.....usually.

I'm sharing this with you for several reasons. First of all, I need prayer. Prayer to have the desire and strength to get out of my little shell and the transportation to make it possible. Secondly, by sharing with you my struggles, maybe it will help someone else to reach out and ask for help. Lastly, I like to be honest about myself. I struggle with keeping myself upright sometimes. I have days where I don't hardly leave my room. Medically, my doctors are trying to get me the help my body needs but my emotional and spiritual health is sadly in need of radical help.

So there it is. This is me asking for help. I need prayer warriors. I started reading in Phillipians today. The verse that stuck out the most was 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." All hope is not lost....I really do know this, but sometimes the road is really long. Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.......Love, Patty

Happy Easter!

Good Afternoon All,

I just wanted to take a moment and wish all of you who read this a Happy Easter. The greatest miracle of all time was when He rose from the grave and took away the power of death. And in doing so provided us who believe, a home, forever with Him. There is no death for those who believe. Even if our bodies die, behold, we live. He is Risen! Rejoice and be glad.

I pray you are all with your families and just enjoying the pleasure of your loved ones. I am just writing these few words as my granddaughter awaits me. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty

Changes, Changes and Changes

Hello folks,

I don't even know how to begin this blog again. Or what I even want to say. I guess I could start off by letting those of you who have read my blog in the past know how things have changed.  So many changes, okay, first of all. I am officially disabled and after 2 years finally have steady income each month. It's not much, but it's enough to take care of my needs. I am so thankful for all the support I received during my time of learning. I say it was my time of learning because you really learn what is truly important when you have NO income of any sort. The Lord does provide! I have experienced first hand His ability to care for me.

The second thing that has changed is that I now have 2 grandchildren. My Paxton is about 18 months old and my granddaughter Emma is just shy of 7 months. My third grand child is still in the womb. His name is Dean and we'll be meeting him in about a month. They are all beautiful and teaching me a whole new form of love I didn't know existed until they came along.

Let's see what else? I am now overjoyed (NOT) to find out I have Diabetes type 1.5 and that's about all I know about it other than it's known as LADA (latent autoimmune diabetes in adults). Oh, and it really sucks.

My youngest son is getting married this June and I'm looking forward to officially adding the mother of my grandsons to the family. I've considered her my daughter for sometime but it'll be nice to have it official.

So now, I'm trying to figure out a way to get my oldest sister home for the wedding along with her 3 grandchildren that she is adopting. We had airline tickets but the company we bought them from apparently had some issues with their vouchers and Southwest Airlines said, oh well, not our problem. So, now we're trying to raise funds for them to rent a car to drive down with unlimited mileage. Anyone know of any fabulous deals? She's in Washington state if that helps anyone.

So, life goes on. Nothing really changes except that everything changes. I still spend a lot of time in my room. I try to get out but that still remains a difficulty for me as now I get a little claustrophobic when I get anywhere with even a small crowd. I guess I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and well and living on planet earth. Until next time, I'd like to share one of my favorite verses in Phillipians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Be Kind. Be Wise. Be True.
Patty

Stranger things have happened.

Hello everyone, I know, once again I've been caught up in my own little world. I've heard some good news though and thought I would share with all of you who have been praying on my behalf. The judge who was looking through my disability case has awarded me my disability pay and I will be receiving back pay for roughly a year or so. But.......I won't receive it for a couple of months or so. I'm still relying solely on my sister who is thankfully still paying my bills. She getting some of my settlement but it won't be nearly enough for all she's done this past year. I love you so much Michelle. Thank you!

You would think with this good news I would have a better disposition. Unfortunately, I'm still a worrier even though worrying is completely pointless. And, due to my worrying, it's caused my fibro to be in full blown over-active mode for some time. This is causing problems for son and daughter in law as they count on me to be there for my grandson while my daughter works. And sometimes I put my foot in my mouth and my words come out completely different than what I had intended. So now......I don't know, I worry and I miss those days when laughter was my main staple. I've been reading in the book of Acts, which is the one book in the new testament that makes me nervous. I just don't have a handle on all of it. I guess it's time to finish that book and move on to one that's encouraging, like Romans.

Today, I had a stranger hand me a note. Odd enough in and of itself but the note said "God will listen to your prayers". This isn't news, I've known that part for years but I don't always put it into practice. So, today I am choosing to rest in my room, enjoy my granddaughter Emma, watch stuff on Netflix and ignore all things negative, including myself. I apparently don't really care for me these days. So if you've been praying for me, please continue....I know that this too shall pass but it feels like forever before my life will have any life to it at all.

Today I leave you with one of my favorite verses in Acts 17:24 - 28 "The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; neither is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all life and breath and all things; and He made from one, every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined their appointed times, and the boundaries of their habitation, that they should seek God, if perhaps they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and exist, as even some of your own poets have said 'for we also are His offspring'"

Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, love, Patty