My Thanksgiving Confession

Since I believe honesty to be the best policy.  I thought I'd share an interesting story that happened over the past few days.  As many of you know, I was out of work for a week again and when I came back to work, I realized my time-sheet had not been turned in.  So, I'm royally screwed.  As someone who lives paycheck to paycheck and is trying to help support a 19 y/o son who is job searching, it can be very tight financially.  So, an entire month without one, with only a few days warning, just days before thanksgiving was not a good situation.  I simply don't have the money to serve a big dinner this year.  (secretly, I'm kind of relieved because it's hard work, when you're doing it alone).  

So, anyway, I go back to work this past Monday and I'm feeling kind of badly because I know I'm letting  some people down and it is difficult because there isn't anyone else who is trained to do my job.  It makes me feel guilty even though I know there's nothing I could have done differently at the time.  So, I go into work on Monday and the very first email I get is announcing the death of a coworker.  She worked at another office and it's not like we were friends or anything, but we'd share a meal a couple of times and she was a nice woman and to my chagrin, I had no idea she was sick.  So, it saddened me.  Then I get a text from my daughter telling my that my older son who's 24 and has been with his girlfriend for like 5 years or more probably won't respond to my texts as he has other things on his mind, so don't be offended.  My immediate question is.......is he upset with me?  I'm just trying to make sure they have plans for thanksgiving because I'm only doing pies...desserts only this year.  Then I'm informed that my son's girlfriend's mother suddenly passed away.  She was a friend in high school.  It's not like we hung out or anything, but I considered her a friend and we had mutual friends and would often talk about our situations.  She was one of those friends that wasn't high maintenance.  She didn't require a phone call to know we were friends.  Did I mention she's my age?  Only 48.....and there was no warning at all.  So, after finding out about the 2 deaths and having to wait a month between paychecks was not starting out my Monday very well.  I was a little teary and feeling a little sorry for myself.  

Then a coworker who's been on maternity leave comes back to work that day....me, thinking this was her second week back.....asks how it's going and she bursts into tears, so now we're both crying and of course I give her my sad story and I listen to her fears of leaving her baby for the first day.   It wasn't a good day.  I decide I'm not very thankful this year so why celebrate anyway.  Then as I'm driving to work on Tuesday, I'm listening to KGBI, a christian music radio station and the guest speaker, Jill I think is her name, starts talking about how we are called to be thankful in all things.  I was convicted.  Here I am working and working with people who are homeless and have far worse problems than me and I realized I had to be honest with God.  So, I tell Him, you know Lord, I'm not very thankful right now and I know I should be but to say I am would be lying.  So, help me to be thankful Lord in my situation, just as it is and take my fear away.  Help me to trust You to meet my needs.  In Jesus' name, Amen.  That's about all I had at that time.

I go to work today.  I have approximately 50 dollars in my account and I have an empty gas tank and no pies yet and decide that panicking is just pointless anyway.  Relax, do your job and no crying today.  Well the boss that I thought was upset with me was suddenly very nice, like all was okay and nothing was wrong. That made me feel better.  Pretty soon, my coworker comes in with this envelope and hands it to me.  I had a feeling what she'd done and I thanked her but said since I was not going to cry today, if it wouldn't offend her, I'd like to open it in private, like after work or something.  She understood completely.  In the envelope was a check for $100.00 with a note telling me it was a gift and something she just felt compelled to do since she had been given so much lately and this was her way of trying to "pay it forward".  Of course, I fought back tears.  Lost.  I bought the pies my kids had requested and what had once been a free for all as far as what time anyone was going to show up, if they showed up suddenly became a plan.  Thanksgiving evening, my 3 children will be here with me having the pies they requested and I guarantee that there will be a sense of peace that has eluded me for quite some time.  I feel thankful that someone went out of their way to help me.  I feel blessed.  I feel like my prayer was answered and my unhappiness was important enough to my Creator to make sure I received some help.  I don't know what your need is today, but the lesson I learned (once again and probably not the last time I'll need it) is that I have not, because I ask not.  Ask, Seek, Knock....He is there waiting to help.  Until next time, enjoy your holiday and if you happen to be with family, try to enjoy them too.  Be kind to others and yourself, Love Patty