Yesterday I found out I'm having a granddaughter. Her name is Emma. She is so active inside her momma's tummy. It was just beautiful. I'm so thankful to be at the age where it is those little things that bring the most joy. So, why am I fighting depression like the world is falling apart at the seams? Maybe because it kind of is....if you pay attention at all to the news. Usually I can make myself feel better just knowing that according to the Bible, the good guys win. It truly helps. So why am I not spending more time in His Word? I have no idea.
It's never my intent to bring others down. However these past few days or more have been really challenging for me. I'm waiting for a court date for my disability claim. My attorney says very positive things but it's been over a year. It's really starting to weigh on me. Oh yeah, let's not forget that part. I've gained like 15 pounds, oh goody.
But, yes my NEEDS are met. I DO have people who love me. I'm not homeless or hungry. I have medications that do help with the pain even though they make me loopy enough that a job is out of the question. It's not like they take the pain away, but it takes my pain level from an 8 to probably a 5 or 6 on a scale of 1 to 10.
The trouble is, my whole routine has been tossed out the window. Don't get me wrong it was my choice to do that. And it had to happen eventually, but that particular decision has cost me more than I thought I'd have to pay. It's amazing really, one little decision can have a ripple effect that can lead you in a downward spiral. But, I believe that when things are at their worst, is when God is most effective. He is up to something in my life. I know this because I have absolutely NO control over what goes on from here. Believe me, knowing that does help me keep perspective. The song of Carrie Underwood's comes to mind "Jesus Take the Wheel". That seems to be exactly what's happened. Not knowing my destination is difficult for a control freak like me. I like plans and rhythm and knowing what's happening. I'm not very spontaneous anymore.
Please continue to pray for me to keep perspective and if any of you have a bit of advice or a verse that helps you when you're having times like these.....I'd love for you to share them with me. When the going gets tough, the tough get on their knees. But my knees are not very strong, so help me please. I need the strength that numbers can provide. Thank you for taking the time to listen to my rotten frame of mind. You are truly appreciated.
Until next time, take care.....all of you...Patty
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