Depression Sucks

Hello Everyone,

It's midweek and I'm going through my typical Wednesday blues. Most of my week is centered on how soon I get to see Paxton, my grandson.  But sometimes that isn't enough. One of the things I have been diagnosed with for years is Depression. I've battled this thing for as long as I can remember. Most of the time I can keep perspective, but not always. What does the Bible say, "healer, heal thyself"? I don't know where it's at and I don't feel like looking for it. But it feels like I'm needing to spread some good cheer or something because I really NEED it today.

That's the thing I've learned, that in order to get peace and joy through the difficulties of life.....you have to give it away first. In fact, that seems like some sort of life lesson that I continually must learn. Typing it in a blog is one thing, but living in the truth is another. I know that you have to give away everything in order to have anything worth hanging onto. Do you know what I mean? Have you gone through similar journeys? Does any of this make sense? I'm asking because I get really frustrated sometimes. It seems every time I have a legitimate complaint about some thing or some one, I always end being the one who has to ask for forgiveness. I'm the one who has to change. This isn't a new thought.  The Lord and I have been going round and round on this for years. He keeps telling me (in that still quiet voice) to not worry about what He is doing with such and such or another individual. He tells me I'm to keep my thoughts on Him. The human part of me fights this for usually the entire 15 rounds. I pout and complain to family and friends and then WHAM upside my head. And once again, it's something that I have to let go of, hand over to Him. That is when I find the peace that surpasses understanding. But wait, I always end of having to ask forgiveness for my stubbornness, my anger for not handling it the way I want it handled, my pouting, my unforgiveness of others. The Lord doesn't want me to worry about how He is dealing with another individual or situation. He wants my focus on Him. When I do that, focus on the Lord, I have that peace, and eventually the joy comes again.

But, today we aren't quite there yet. I only just woke up. I'm entitled to a little pouting before I finally have to give in. I'm not ready to be joyful. I want to be frustrated and pouty and hit my head against the proverbial wall. So today, I'm asking you, the reader to pray for my adolescent mind. I'm still depressed and frustrated and apparently unwilling to follow what God says I should do. So pray for me to find a way to help someone else so I can receive the joy He has for me. Until next time, try to be good to each other and yourself.  Love, Patty