Good morning everyone,
At least what's left of the morning. It's thundering here and my body thinks it belongs in bed. I have a lot to say today and I'm actually not sure where my ramblings will take me. I think I tend to write better when I speak from experience instead of what I think to be right. So, here goes.
I'm probably the last person in the world that should talk about trust. Mainly because the only one I truly trust is The Lord Jesus. It's impossible to not trust Him when I look back at all He brought me through. You the reader wouldn't believe some of the things that have happened to my family. Because this is my blog and not theirs, I can't really tell you of all the things I've been saved from. Times I should have died, numerous really. I can only share my experiences, not the ones that effected me from other family members. Let's just say there has been tremendous loss and those aren't my tales to tell.
Relationships have been the most difficult for me to trust in. My relationships with my significant others have probably taught me more than any other human relationship. I believe I've told you in previous blogs about how my sisters and I were brought up to believe that happiness could be found in the arms of a man. So, I spent a great deal of my life pursuing that end. My first husband didn't pan out for reasons I'd rather not bring up again. My second husband was too in love with himself to ever love another. He actually came right out and admitted he never loved me. He married me because he needed someone with a car, license and low self-esteem so he could manipulate me. He was very successful in his endeavor. But, for only 3 years. I was so happy to have him out of my life. He did a lot of damage to my psyche. I went from that marriage straight into the fire so to speak. My last relationship lasted 2 years. It was a very damaging relationship full of violence, cheating, lying, drug use (him, not me this time). That relationship changed who I am. I haven't been in a relationship since that time.
I lost my trust, had received no nurturing and my expectations of what a good relationship should be went out the door. Since that time, (roughly 7-8 years ago) I have spent a lot of time alone, literally. I pretty much walked away from my friends, my job, financial obligations and just stayed to myself, in my room. I learned so much during that time. I've developed a love of The Lord, His Word and can now appreciate time alone. Which I never thought I'd be able to do. I know who I am. I could remain a single woman for the rest of my life here on earth because I've learned to enjoy my own company. I also can finally say, I could be with another person and have it be healthy. I've really been afraid of rejection and being taken advantage of. I now know that is not possible any more. I have given my life to The Lord. He chooses what is best for me. He is someone I trust. He nurtures me through His Word and The Holy Spirit, which ministers to me daily. I have an expectation of Joy, Peace and all the other fruits we're promised. I put my life in His hands and I trust Him to lead me in whatever is healthy for me spiritually. When your spirit is aligned with what is right, the rest naturally follows.
I can't wait to see what He has in store for me. Eventually I'll share some more of my experiences but today I needed to share with you how far I've been brought. How much I've been taught. How much I still have to give. When your cup runs over, there's plenty yet to give. My cup always flows, as long as I allow it. Yours can too. Until next time, be good to each other. You don't know what the next person is experiencing. So love each other and don't neglect time alone. It's important! Love, Patty
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