Let's talk about relationships

Hello Everyone,

Before I get into my thoughts on relationships I first want to clear up something that I said in a previous post. For the record, I am NO longer a night owl.  That's right, I've switched to the day side (not dark side). Believe me when I tell you I have no idea how this happened. I moved from Omaha back to Blair and I instantly became a day person.  All I can say about that is that you're never too old to learn new tricks. LOL.

Ok, yeah, I have no idea where that came from either....let's call that a glitch in the matrix, or perhaps the force is strong with me, haha. Ok, let's talk relationships. I have been single for the past 7 years or so.  Not even a date. This has been a conscious choice. Do you have any idea how much this scares me? I can say that I honestly don't feel like I have to have someone in my life romantically. However, the question is......wait for it....why not? I could say it's because my life is full with my kids and the grandkids, which is true.  I could say that my relationship with the Lord fulfills me, which is true when I actually make the effort. I could say a lot of things but would any of those excuses be true? Are they excuses? I think they are excuses.

When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I'm just plain scared. My body's been battered both in my younger years and the most recent relationship I ran away from 7 years ago. I am able to hold my own on that now, pain be damned. I WILL fight back, as my most recent ex would tell you. I got scars but he was just plain shocked. I'll never forget the look on his face......lol. It's not amusing at all, but it is peculiar. But, that's not what I'm afraid of.

Have you ever gave to another human being all that you are??  Just trusted with the utmost trust? No, I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been able to do that. I have learned why this is true, but then, I turn 50 this next month. I'm certainly not stupid. I have a boatload of experience that goes with that 50 years. But here's the thing. I'm learning more about love through my relationship with my grandbaby then with any other human being I've encountered. He is teaching me to trust, to love with ALL of me. He's teaching me it's okay to be vunerable. I can fall backwards and know I'll be caught. I have family that love me completely. My children teach me about love on a daily basis.  So what is my problem??  I don't know, maybe with enough teaching I'll be able to trust another person in my older years. But, my older years haven't come yet.  LOL, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.  In the meantime, take care of each other and yourself.  Love Patty