Hello everyone, I hope you've all had a blessed couple of weeks. The weather is wonderful and it's a joy to go to my sisters to help her walk her two chiquaquas around a block or two. I'd call them THING 1 and THING 2, but the truth is, I truly enjoy these walks. One of these dogs is the dad to the other, literally. He is constantly trying to parent the younger and smaller dog. It's quite amusing. What isn't amusing is that now when I visit, they connect me to the walk, and a chiquaquas bark is highly annoying...lol.....what's a girl to do. Even though it's a painful process because of my physical pain and I pay for it later, it's still worth it.
The reason I bring up the dogs is to help explain the changes in the weather and how the leaves change and we know that cold weather is coming. And we need this, in order for spring to come again along with the new flowers and fresh grass and all the beautiful bird sounds....New life. It's all a circle, I know it sounds cliche but this particular week, not only did I witness it, I felt it. The bittersweet of having something really bad happen in the midst of tremendous joy. It's very difficult to keep perspective when your heart and your mind is so confused.
Two weeks ago today, I had a grandchild by my baby, my youngest. Two days after that, my ex-mother-in-law passed away. That would be the new babys great grandmother. I truly loved that woman. She taught me so much about parenting and taking care of a home. Most importantly, she loved me even when her son and I divorced. I think alot of it is because of my children. My children took their grandparents out of their shell. My kids were huggers and kissers and my husbands parents were not. My children taught their grandparents how to show affection. Don't get me wrong, my ex-husband was the youngest of nine children. But I think because we lived just behind them for the first six years or so, my kids and their grandparents became very close and it showed. Anyway, I loved her and I love my ex-father-in-law and I feel terrible for his loss. They were married more then 65 years. That in itself is amazing. I can't imagine the loss he must feel.
That's what makes this so bittersweet. My grandchild is the most amazing feeling I've ever had. He lays on my chest and sleeps and it is the epitome of peace. Through this small child I'm being taught about love and trust once again. These are feelings I've been hiding for some time. My life has been on hold for quite a while, but I can now feel those bonds of not trusting and not allowing myself to love someone other than my family slowly coming loose. I'm starting to feel whole again. I truly think it's because I'm relearning how to trust through the love and total dependence this baby has on others.
One life ends and another begins and summer is over and fall has begun and soon we will experience winter once again. And I will be stronger and so will my grandchild. I will be a better person because of what this little innocent baby is teaching me. I am so very grateful and thankful that I get to be a part of this entire experience. I am a grandmother and it is so very well with my soul.
Love each other and treat each other like you love each other. None of us are promised tomorrow. Anything can happen. So tell your loved ones that you love them, and visit them. Especially when they get older. I passed up an opportunity to spend more time with my ex-husbands mother and I regret that. Don't allow that to happen to you. Love one another. Until next time, love Patty
This blog will be about daily life and some things I've learned along the way. I hope it interests you, entertains you or otherwise, helps you keep perspective!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
Things I should have learned long ago....
Hello Everyone,
I've had a difficult time starting this blog back up. So many things have changed in my life and I guess I'll get to them one at a time. I really hoped to be able to share some of the wonderful lessons in life I've learned to help one individual from repeating my mistakes. It would be worth it right? I sure hope so but truthfully, who am I trying to kid? I'm still trying to grow up and learn from my own mistakes, but unfortunately, I keep making them over and over again. I will tell you something I learned this week, again.
Not long ago, my son and his girlfriend and I moved in together for a year. I'm expecting my grandchild any day, so keep your eyes peeled for updates. :-) It's hard having roommates especially when they're also family. It's been a real challenge to look at my son as my roommate and not as his mother and where is the line that changes me from Mom to roommate? I'm finding that line to be as curvy and changable and challenging as anything I've undertaken before. Wow, do I have a lot to learn!
This may sound like a "duh" to some of you, but to me......those lines are difficult to follow but easy to cross. I try very hard to be respectful of my roommates and all that implies, but the mother in me wants to continue to do some of the things that moms are used to doing. Things like laundry and cooking and picking up the living room and cleaning the kitchen and go to the grocery store. Unfortunately, sometimes the roommate steps in there and wants to complain because I'm doing most of the work and have none of the fun. Oh, and they seem to have more spending money than I do and don't you remember I loaned you that 10 bucks and picked up that stuff for you at the store? So that means that you owe me.....and this all makes sense to me until I'm reminded that hey, you're my son and as a mother I want to do these things. Being able to still be a part of my sons life is one of the most rewarding gifts I could possibly be given and on top of that. I get to be here when the baby comes. How many people are as blessed as I am? How do I walk that crazy messed up blurred and blessed line? And the biggest question of all is, how do I walk that line successfully without hurt feelings? .
Let me tell you, that's where the lesson comes in. It kind of all goes back to that whole kindergarden thing. Be polite, don't cut in line, hold hands when crossing the street, be nice, don't take anyone else's toys, don't stick out your tongue and treat others how you want to be treated. That last one is one of the most difficult things to do.
I don't always want to have to be kind and thankfully, they're my family and when I've had a difficult day, I don't treat them that way. I treat them like their my roommates. I attempt to give the same considerations I would give someone who I want to give a good impression to. Not like I would somebody who HAS to love me, do you know what I mean? I think that's the key to living in the same home as anybody. You should always treat the people you love BETTER than the way you'd treat a friend or someone you would want to give a good impression to. It seems like when I follow those principles......things go better. I keep that molehill from becoming a mountain. What really sucks is, this is not a lesson you learn once and can file it away for good measure. It's a lesson that keeps you on your toes and something you have to be mindfull of on a moment by moment basis.
Remember, to show people you love them with your behavior and your words and with respect that is due to those you admire. Be good to you and I hope to chat with you soon. Feel free to give me any feedback you may have...good or bad..I can take it. Patty
I've had a difficult time starting this blog back up. So many things have changed in my life and I guess I'll get to them one at a time. I really hoped to be able to share some of the wonderful lessons in life I've learned to help one individual from repeating my mistakes. It would be worth it right? I sure hope so but truthfully, who am I trying to kid? I'm still trying to grow up and learn from my own mistakes, but unfortunately, I keep making them over and over again. I will tell you something I learned this week, again.
Not long ago, my son and his girlfriend and I moved in together for a year. I'm expecting my grandchild any day, so keep your eyes peeled for updates. :-) It's hard having roommates especially when they're also family. It's been a real challenge to look at my son as my roommate and not as his mother and where is the line that changes me from Mom to roommate? I'm finding that line to be as curvy and changable and challenging as anything I've undertaken before. Wow, do I have a lot to learn!
This may sound like a "duh" to some of you, but to me......those lines are difficult to follow but easy to cross. I try very hard to be respectful of my roommates and all that implies, but the mother in me wants to continue to do some of the things that moms are used to doing. Things like laundry and cooking and picking up the living room and cleaning the kitchen and go to the grocery store. Unfortunately, sometimes the roommate steps in there and wants to complain because I'm doing most of the work and have none of the fun. Oh, and they seem to have more spending money than I do and don't you remember I loaned you that 10 bucks and picked up that stuff for you at the store? So that means that you owe me.....and this all makes sense to me until I'm reminded that hey, you're my son and as a mother I want to do these things. Being able to still be a part of my sons life is one of the most rewarding gifts I could possibly be given and on top of that. I get to be here when the baby comes. How many people are as blessed as I am? How do I walk that crazy messed up blurred and blessed line? And the biggest question of all is, how do I walk that line successfully without hurt feelings? .
Let me tell you, that's where the lesson comes in. It kind of all goes back to that whole kindergarden thing. Be polite, don't cut in line, hold hands when crossing the street, be nice, don't take anyone else's toys, don't stick out your tongue and treat others how you want to be treated. That last one is one of the most difficult things to do.
I don't always want to have to be kind and thankfully, they're my family and when I've had a difficult day, I don't treat them that way. I treat them like their my roommates. I attempt to give the same considerations I would give someone who I want to give a good impression to. Not like I would somebody who HAS to love me, do you know what I mean? I think that's the key to living in the same home as anybody. You should always treat the people you love BETTER than the way you'd treat a friend or someone you would want to give a good impression to. It seems like when I follow those principles......things go better. I keep that molehill from becoming a mountain. What really sucks is, this is not a lesson you learn once and can file it away for good measure. It's a lesson that keeps you on your toes and something you have to be mindfull of on a moment by moment basis.
Remember, to show people you love them with your behavior and your words and with respect that is due to those you admire. Be good to you and I hope to chat with you soon. Feel free to give me any feedback you may have...good or bad..I can take it. Patty
Sunday, September 29, 2013
sorry, one more day is needed
I guess I timed this wrong. I still need one more day in order to submit anything decent. My mind is kind of foggy and there's other people around so.........Look for a new and improved blog tomorrow sometime.....for sure, around 3 or 4 CDT, love you and miss you all and look forward to your comments. Take care of you, Patty
Saturday, September 28, 2013
I almost forgot about all of you, but not quite
Hello everyone, I just wanted to send a quick word out to let you know that I've been pretty busy and sort of forgot about even having this blog. I hope you forgive me, but boy do I have a lot of catching up to do....so.....I promise to spend some time tomorrow catching everyone up on the goings on in my own little world over here. I've missed you all and didn't realize how much until just now....don't give up on me and I promise to never give up on you either.. I will be back tomorrow, chat with you then......I can't wait, but I have to focus first. Much love to you all! So happy to be back!!!!
Sunday, February 3, 2013
What a man thinks, so is he........what?
Hello everyone, just a few thoughts today. Have any of you wondered why some of us fight successful actions? I talked with a friend of mine today that I used to work with..for over an hour! I only called for a simple question and we found ourselves talking about the "good ole days" at the job we both
worked at. I was hearing about what this person is now doing and what that person is now and I found myself once again wondering why I'm where I'm at and not working toward another goal?
My daughter is extremely intelligent, actually all of my kids are. Each one of them could really have excelled at high school but none of them had the determination or the desire to reach their full potential. I was not a good role model either. I've been one of these people that has constantly quit most things that are working toward my good. What got me thinking about this was my daughter has such low standards for herself. She reminds me of me and sometimes that's scary. She is smart enough to take on just about anything, but she doesn't think anyone would give her a chance so she just passes by those job openings that could give a leg up not only employment wise but also would do wonders for her self esteem.
I think each of us has a tape that plays in our heads that tells us what we should be thinking of ourselves based on the information it's been given, much like a computer does. It only puts out what's been put in. Apparently somewhere along the way, my children and myself were convinced that having goals were unrealistic and attempting to meet them would only lead to failure. My daughter is going to college right now and I honestly couldn't be more proud of her, but she is setting her sights pretty low, just in case, I think. My older son is capable of things you wouldn't believe, and apparently neither does he. He is content to just exist in this life. My youngest son is still finding his way. Trying to figure out which is more important, partying with your friends while you're young or getting started on figuring things out.
I truly believe that each of us should start paying attention to the things we say to ourselves. Yes, most of us do talk to ourselves. Some of us, more than others. What are we saying? Is it uplifting? Is it positive? Does it encourage us or discourage us? Do we tell ourselves we're fat or ugly? Do we ever tell ourselves that we're actually doing okay? What's on these tapes we listen to and should they be destroyed? I think if we made a conscious effort to listen to what we say to ourselves out loud or just unspoken thoughts we have, we would be surprised at how awful we are toward ourselves. We should read the Bible and see what our maker has to say about who we are! What kind of value we have and what sort of purpose we actually serve? I think we would be surprised. I know I was, and it's still something I struggle with because of those stupid tapes that were started from childhood. Be careful what you listen to. As a man thinketh, so is he........makes you think doesn't it? Anyway, I have work tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Take care of each other and tune out those tapes. Enter new data and become who you were meant to be. With love, Patty
worked at. I was hearing about what this person is now doing and what that person is now and I found myself once again wondering why I'm where I'm at and not working toward another goal?
My daughter is extremely intelligent, actually all of my kids are. Each one of them could really have excelled at high school but none of them had the determination or the desire to reach their full potential. I was not a good role model either. I've been one of these people that has constantly quit most things that are working toward my good. What got me thinking about this was my daughter has such low standards for herself. She reminds me of me and sometimes that's scary. She is smart enough to take on just about anything, but she doesn't think anyone would give her a chance so she just passes by those job openings that could give a leg up not only employment wise but also would do wonders for her self esteem.
I think each of us has a tape that plays in our heads that tells us what we should be thinking of ourselves based on the information it's been given, much like a computer does. It only puts out what's been put in. Apparently somewhere along the way, my children and myself were convinced that having goals were unrealistic and attempting to meet them would only lead to failure. My daughter is going to college right now and I honestly couldn't be more proud of her, but she is setting her sights pretty low, just in case, I think. My older son is capable of things you wouldn't believe, and apparently neither does he. He is content to just exist in this life. My youngest son is still finding his way. Trying to figure out which is more important, partying with your friends while you're young or getting started on figuring things out.
I truly believe that each of us should start paying attention to the things we say to ourselves. Yes, most of us do talk to ourselves. Some of us, more than others. What are we saying? Is it uplifting? Is it positive? Does it encourage us or discourage us? Do we tell ourselves we're fat or ugly? Do we ever tell ourselves that we're actually doing okay? What's on these tapes we listen to and should they be destroyed? I think if we made a conscious effort to listen to what we say to ourselves out loud or just unspoken thoughts we have, we would be surprised at how awful we are toward ourselves. We should read the Bible and see what our maker has to say about who we are! What kind of value we have and what sort of purpose we actually serve? I think we would be surprised. I know I was, and it's still something I struggle with because of those stupid tapes that were started from childhood. Be careful what you listen to. As a man thinketh, so is he........makes you think doesn't it? Anyway, I have work tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it. Take care of each other and tune out those tapes. Enter new data and become who you were meant to be. With love, Patty
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
How have you been treating life?
Hello Everyone, how has life been treating you, or rather, how have you been treating the life you've been given? Just for the record, I swear I did not just write that sentence....trust me. I think that question was a direct question for me. Don't you just hate that?
One of the things I'm learning by not being able to go out and work right now is that there are people out there who are missing me even though I am one strange cookie. :-) I got a message from a friend today that I work with. She is one of the people that make my job so much fun. She always has the best stories and she has this weird thing about always attracting these guys who are not what she's looking for. But she tells them in such a way that it's hilarious. I miss her, there's another gal that it doesn't seem to matter what she says, she just makes me laugh. I think I give her a complex about it. Anyway, if anyone from work happens to read this. I miss you all. But I'm trying to do the right thing here. I've sat around and waited for things to change for too long and guess what, it doesn't happen on it's own. I hate that too. :-(
I have found that I want a life, I want to live it! I'm not too old, I'm broken and a little scared.....okay, a lot scared but that doesn't mean that I can't rejoice over the little things I've been given. It also doesn't mean that this is all there is. This one room where my whole life consists of Netflix. I've enjoyed it don't get me wrong, but I want relationships with people.....all kinds of people. I want to learn from them and laugh with them and enjoy the moments they have to offer. So far, that's not really happening because I'm not really letting it. Hopefully after this first surgery, that will change.
Also, out of the blue, I discovered this musical artist that goes by the name Plumb. She has this incredible voice and it's very haunting and it stays with you. If you get a chance, make sure you youtube her or google her or something. Amazing voice she has and her lyrics are something that makes you think.
So, I'm also really sucking in my prayer life. I try to pray for my kids everyday and all my loved ones, but don't always get it done. I try to ask the Lord to teach what it is He wants me to learn each particular day. Today I've learned that people are precious. Not a single person enters our life that doesn't leave their mark. We are touched, sometimes in a good way and sometimes it's a time of trial. Nevertheless, they touch us. You have all touched me. I noticed today that I had people from Russia reading my blog. Welcome friends. I hope you get something out of it. I'm going to make a bigger effort to let the people I care about know that they mean something to me. I hope you're doing the same. Remember we aren't promised tomorrow. Make sure your words are kind. Until next time, please take care of yourself and be kind to others also, with love, Patty
One of the things I'm learning by not being able to go out and work right now is that there are people out there who are missing me even though I am one strange cookie. :-) I got a message from a friend today that I work with. She is one of the people that make my job so much fun. She always has the best stories and she has this weird thing about always attracting these guys who are not what she's looking for. But she tells them in such a way that it's hilarious. I miss her, there's another gal that it doesn't seem to matter what she says, she just makes me laugh. I think I give her a complex about it. Anyway, if anyone from work happens to read this. I miss you all. But I'm trying to do the right thing here. I've sat around and waited for things to change for too long and guess what, it doesn't happen on it's own. I hate that too. :-(
I have found that I want a life, I want to live it! I'm not too old, I'm broken and a little scared.....okay, a lot scared but that doesn't mean that I can't rejoice over the little things I've been given. It also doesn't mean that this is all there is. This one room where my whole life consists of Netflix. I've enjoyed it don't get me wrong, but I want relationships with people.....all kinds of people. I want to learn from them and laugh with them and enjoy the moments they have to offer. So far, that's not really happening because I'm not really letting it. Hopefully after this first surgery, that will change.
Also, out of the blue, I discovered this musical artist that goes by the name Plumb. She has this incredible voice and it's very haunting and it stays with you. If you get a chance, make sure you youtube her or google her or something. Amazing voice she has and her lyrics are something that makes you think.
So, I'm also really sucking in my prayer life. I try to pray for my kids everyday and all my loved ones, but don't always get it done. I try to ask the Lord to teach what it is He wants me to learn each particular day. Today I've learned that people are precious. Not a single person enters our life that doesn't leave their mark. We are touched, sometimes in a good way and sometimes it's a time of trial. Nevertheless, they touch us. You have all touched me. I noticed today that I had people from Russia reading my blog. Welcome friends. I hope you get something out of it. I'm going to make a bigger effort to let the people I care about know that they mean something to me. I hope you're doing the same. Remember we aren't promised tomorrow. Make sure your words are kind. Until next time, please take care of yourself and be kind to others also, with love, Patty
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
What changes are necessary to make now???
Hello everyone, long time no hear, huh? Sorry about that. I've had some strange goings on. I've missed a lot of work again. But I think things are looking up, finally. I went to see my Dr. today and he's going to get me set up to get a new knee which will probably turn into 2 new knees. He also set me up with a pain management Dr. So, finally I'm looking for solutions instead of waiting for the changes to happen on their own. This seems to be one of the most difficult things for me to do. As someone who likes things to stay the same and usually is not very spontaneous, I've proud of myself for making the necessary moves to finally find myself at least able to live with some of this pain I feel.
I will be going on short term disability though, that's going to hurt but I think I'll get over it. My older son has a good job, my daughter is about to start her second quarter in college and my youngest son might have a really good paying job beginning the first week of February. Pray for them please.
One of the problems I have spiritually is the age old question......is God really good? If the answer is yes, does that apply to me? I've decided that I'm stuck in a rut and the only way that I can think of to get out of it is to ask Him to show me what it is he's trying to teach me. If I don't then it seems I'm doomed to keep repeating old mistakes until I learn this particular task He wants me to learn. Does that make sense? Sometimes I feel so disconnected from Him. My instincts tell me that it's my fault not His. But it feels like I'm alone in all this. Isn't it a little sad that the one being that can help me the most is the one I feel so disconnected from?
So, I'm asking you all to say a little prayer for me, to help me take the next step and learn from it. I need to be accountable to ask each day, what would you have me learn today Lord? I've never failed to get some sort of answer it just irritates me when the answer is usually something I need to change or fix. It's almost always something I'm not seeing correctly.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep my head up and just an FYI, my cell phone is out until taxes come in. Sorry, but I'm always available through the net. Until next time, take care of each other and don't neglect yourself! Much love, Patty
I will be going on short term disability though, that's going to hurt but I think I'll get over it. My older son has a good job, my daughter is about to start her second quarter in college and my youngest son might have a really good paying job beginning the first week of February. Pray for them please.
One of the problems I have spiritually is the age old question......is God really good? If the answer is yes, does that apply to me? I've decided that I'm stuck in a rut and the only way that I can think of to get out of it is to ask Him to show me what it is he's trying to teach me. If I don't then it seems I'm doomed to keep repeating old mistakes until I learn this particular task He wants me to learn. Does that make sense? Sometimes I feel so disconnected from Him. My instincts tell me that it's my fault not His. But it feels like I'm alone in all this. Isn't it a little sad that the one being that can help me the most is the one I feel so disconnected from?
So, I'm asking you all to say a little prayer for me, to help me take the next step and learn from it. I need to be accountable to ask each day, what would you have me learn today Lord? I've never failed to get some sort of answer it just irritates me when the answer is usually something I need to change or fix. It's almost always something I'm not seeing correctly.
Anyway, I'm trying to keep my head up and just an FYI, my cell phone is out until taxes come in. Sorry, but I'm always available through the net. Until next time, take care of each other and don't neglect yourself! Much love, Patty
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
New Year Wishes
Happy New Year Everyone! I pray this year finds you in great spirits, healthy bodies, good friends and loving families. This has been a very hard year for me, for a lot of people I think. It seems as though everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. But, I have nothing but hope for the new year.
Today, I got a new battery put in my car with a little help from friends who love me! Thank you very much for your kindness. Who would have guessed that Walmart would put in a car battery for free if you buy it there? I was surprised! I have sisters and nieces and nephews and children and extended family, some of whom I haven't even met, that I care about and that I love very much. I'm very blessed.
I'm going to try to keep this short. I just want to express my well wishes and give you all a little piece of something to chew on these next few days. When an accident occurs....and is witnessed by several people. Each person gives a different account of what they saw happen. None of their stories are inaccurate, though they don't all tell the same story. I know that I have been guilty in the past and will probably be guilty in the future of only seeing my story through my eyes. I've found that's pretty typical. I talked with a co-worker about a week or so ago telling him that I didn't think someone liked me because we just don't communicate well with each other. It was kind of funny what he told me. He said that said person has never been able to communicate with others, it's not personal. He told me to keep at it and don't make presumptions. Wise advice. Of course, he's a therapist, so that's his job. But he's right, there is always more than one side to every story. This year, I pray that we all are open to hear other people. To look at the bigger picture, to NOT always take things personal. Sometimes, we react to things that maybe weren't even about us. Like my situation with a coworker. Try to see a situation through another's eyes, whether it be a cranky check out person or a waiter in a bad mood, or maybe someone cut you off in traffic. We really don't know what that person is going through, so don't take it personal, say a little prayer for them and move along your day in a positive way. Until next time, be kind to each other and yourself, with all my love, Patty
Today, I got a new battery put in my car with a little help from friends who love me! Thank you very much for your kindness. Who would have guessed that Walmart would put in a car battery for free if you buy it there? I was surprised! I have sisters and nieces and nephews and children and extended family, some of whom I haven't even met, that I care about and that I love very much. I'm very blessed.
I'm going to try to keep this short. I just want to express my well wishes and give you all a little piece of something to chew on these next few days. When an accident occurs....and is witnessed by several people. Each person gives a different account of what they saw happen. None of their stories are inaccurate, though they don't all tell the same story. I know that I have been guilty in the past and will probably be guilty in the future of only seeing my story through my eyes. I've found that's pretty typical. I talked with a co-worker about a week or so ago telling him that I didn't think someone liked me because we just don't communicate well with each other. It was kind of funny what he told me. He said that said person has never been able to communicate with others, it's not personal. He told me to keep at it and don't make presumptions. Wise advice. Of course, he's a therapist, so that's his job. But he's right, there is always more than one side to every story. This year, I pray that we all are open to hear other people. To look at the bigger picture, to NOT always take things personal. Sometimes, we react to things that maybe weren't even about us. Like my situation with a coworker. Try to see a situation through another's eyes, whether it be a cranky check out person or a waiter in a bad mood, or maybe someone cut you off in traffic. We really don't know what that person is going through, so don't take it personal, say a little prayer for them and move along your day in a positive way. Until next time, be kind to each other and yourself, with all my love, Patty
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