put your phone down and communicate with each other

Hello Everyone,

You know I always thought that the way to the soul is through the eyes. Now I know that isn't true. First and foremost, the way to the soul is through The Lord. He will let you know if you're looking for the wrong thing. Secondly, eyes lie. I mean they don't speak words, but they are powerful communicators that can completely disarm whomever those eyes are choosing to target. That is called lust, and lust has already had plenty of my time. Now, I'm on my own financially, taking care of myself with my sisters cars help. I have a neighbor upstairs from me that needs help making appts, being understood after having a stroke and he doesn't have a vehicle either. Plus, I have a platonic friend as a roommate for at least another month, then we'll see if this is still kosher with us both.

I finally got Life Insurance, just enough to put me to rest and approx 7-10 for each of the kids. I don't want them to have to have garage sales and gofundme.com just to have my remains taken care of........that's just too much.

The Lord and I haven't been talking much to each other. I know enough to admit that once again, it's me that's pulled back, NEVER Him. But that's what gets so frustrating, it's always my fault. I have to apologize, I have to make things right, I have to suck it up even though I didn't deserve that. But then, I'm a mother and Grandmother and I want all my kids to be proud of the changes I made, especially over the last 16 years.

So I just want to say, to stand up, put down your phones, all of you, shut off that TV and play a game or cook together, go to the movies, play at the park. Shutting off your phones and looking someone in the eye shows so much more respect than 15 emails.........Just love one another as if tomorrow won't be coming.
In the mean time,  Be Kind;  Be Wise; Be True!!!!   Love you, Patty

So many changes, but I'm the same person

Hello, all you who are faithful even when I'm lost to you for months at a time. I appreciate you all VERY much! Let's catch up.

First, for those who may or may not know, my daughter is about to give birth to her second daughter....I mean like any day, any time. We're very excited as we hope to see both the girls on or around the 20th of this month. Hopefully nothing happens to alter those plans. So please pray for Mary to have Anna as soon as possible and in the healthiest way possible. Thank you.

Also, my son Ben and his wife Alex are just a couple of weeks out of delivering their 3rd son whose name is Connor. We're all looking forward to meeting him. He's going to have to be a strong one and the other 2 boys are very active. They are smart and happy boys. I'm very blessed to get them as often as I want and since they're moving even closer......I should see them ALOT!!

I've also taken on a roommate, not really though. He is family and gets the couch but he's helping me to feel safer and it seems as if the help has been a positive move for everyone involved.

I found a church I like here in Blair. Things were going so great. Then I got to pouring out everything I've ever been through to the Pastor and his wife and I haven't been able to go back. You know when you take honesty and mess up your timeline and make it all sound like it didn't happen over 20 years ago.....I don't know, I thought.....ok, I wasn't thinking. I was very depressed at the time. So everything bad that had ever happened to me came out in about a 15-20 minute talk. I feel stupid. Now I'm nervous to go back, but I have one of their books that was specifically bought due to an interest I had explaining the differences between the Samaritans and the Samarians. It's brand new. What would you do? Suck it up and go to a service and hide among those 20 people? Gosh though, his messages are truly inspired by the Lord. I miss the messages, but my body doesn't want to get up that early and actually be clean and presentable to others. I'm in a conundrum. Maybe I am a conundrum.

Anyway, my back is really screaming at me for sitting this long to type this so I'm stopping now. Feel free to write back, ask question, give me answers to some I asked of you. And until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.

Patty in Omaha

I'm not who I think I am

Hello Everyone,

I know I missed Easter with you, so Happy Easter. I'm early for April Fools so I guess this is no joke. I want to be true to you. True about who I am. You know I had a cousin die last week. A cousin who has done nothing but bring joy to all he met. He played his guitar and sang and his daughters still called him Daddy. I never met him, except through Facebook. After I became disabled and I spent that year without any income. I had to turn my car back over to the bank. So, not only do I not have a car but they are trying to get 6,000. from me. Yeah, sorry, not gonna happen. I turned that car over the moment I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay for it. Well that's another story and I don't want to get in to that right now. Anyway, my point is that he wasn't that far away, but I couldn't get there to meet him and now he's gone.

Make sure you let your loved ones know that they have touched you, that they meant something, that you miss them and love them. They won't be there forever. They never are. Tomorrow is not promised. And though I try not to preach on this blog, I still have to say, don't let death be your final destination. Make sure you know where you're going. I truly believe that death just kills our body, but our soul lives on and that can be either in heaven or hell.....your choice. Sorry, again, not sorry, this is what I believe.

I might also say regarding the Depression that I'm not being medicated properly. So many issues have been brought to the surface recently. Though they are issues from the past and as adults we are to put those childish issues in the past and live as an adult. It doesn't mean that things that happened in the past should have ever happened to a child. Therefore, they are not childish issues. They're adult issues that a child was forced to endure. And they occurred at a time when your little brains are forming their personalities. Who we will be for the rest of our lives. How we will think. Now I know that I have the Spirit of God that dwells inside me. He speaks to me on a daily basis trying to tell me the truth of who I am. Unfortunately, that's not the only voice speaking to me. (speaking is such a relative term), I hope you know what I mean. It's not a spoken voice, it's more like a thought that makes its presence known. Those thoughts don't always have a good thing to say about me. Sometimes, those thoughts are really, really tough on me. It's difficult to know that your past isn't just who you are, it's only a part of who you are. Don't forget that. We can also add into that mix, who we will be. And that's an important part. I have to say these things because I need to remember them. I need to hear this so if it doesn't apply to you, just go on to the next blog and accept my forgiveness. Not all of us are as screwed up as I am.

Until we meet again, remember Be Kind, Be Wise, Be True, love, Patty

I can see clearly now the veil is gone

Hello Everyone,

It's nice to be back here. Not that I went anywhere. I'm just happy to have something to share. I'm really not certain what I want to say or how to say it. So, you're getting completely off the cuff. I'm sorry if it's kind of "out there" for many of you.

Most of you who read this know that I struggle with pain and depression and that I'm disabled now. Recently, my depression medication had to be changed. That requires a process of slowly coming off a medication you're used to and then beginning a new medication to a body that is down, depression wise. That process for me was very difficult and it's been more than a month and I'm just now starting to feel human again. That is probably why I've been unable to write anything.....trust me, I had nothing positive to share.

I have been trying to read at least a chapter of scripture each morning before I read the paper or watch The Today show. You know, just trying to start my days thoughts on the right foot, so to speak. I haven't done it everyday. I've missed some and that's okay. Yesterday however, I was reading in James and Isaiah and I had this spiritual nudge to call an old Pastor of mine. Someone I had a falling out with 20 years ago. I won't go into specifics but this was something I NEVER thought I would ever do. I have forgiven myself for my part and the Pastor and the church. When negative feelings would overcome me over the years, I forgive again. I guess I just never felt it necessary to revisit this part of my past. I believe I was mistaken.

I called the church and acquired the email address of the pastor involved. I just sent a short message, reminding who I am and letting them know of my need to revisit the past for the sake of peace within me.
I did get a very positive response and was asked to be patient in completely responding to my inquiry. Now I sit and I wait patiently. Making that first step though, has provided me with a sense of rightness. I know I am doing what The Lord wanted me to do. That phone call and resulting email was 20 years in the making. I have had it clear in my mind how I was "wronged" and even where I was wrong. But, until I made that phone call, I had not fully looked at the facts and my part in that falling out. I thought I had, really I did. But, we sometimes put blinders on when the truth is too difficult to look at directly. When I made that phone call, the blinders I didn't know were there, came off. I am now more aware of my actions and how they contributed at the time.

I look forward to the healing I will experience as I dig a little deeper into this. I'm thankful The Lord brought this to my mind and wouldn't allow me to let it go this time. I am blessed. I plan to share more of this (my spiritual growth) as it occurs and hopefully it will encourage someone else to take off the veil and look clearly into whatever you've had difficulty seeing. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty

A Kiss of Encouragement

Good Morning Everyone,

I am trying to be a better person. This morning I found myself reading in the book of Isaiah in chapter 35 and I came across the one of the most beautiful verses of things to come in the millennial kingdom in verses 1-2, ".....and the Arabah will rejoice and blossom; Like the crocus it will blossom profusely and rejoice with rejoicing and shout of joy........". If you're like me, you've probably read this many times and never gave it much thought. But, if what I'm reading is correct, then in the millennial kingdom, flowers will shout with joy! Can you even imagine a world like that? I have to say it filled me with joy this morning, just the thought of it. I can visualize what that will be like, maybe it was a gift from The Lord......a visual to be refreshed by with things to come. Maybe it's a pat on the shoulder, a kiss of encouragement in a time of frustration for me. This is what I have to look forward to; flowers that sing with joy. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but maybe I'm not.

There is hope, and I think that is the lesson here for me and maybe for you too. We're told not to lose hope. I try not to, but it's hard in this day and age of greed and political unrest. I've become kind of jaded. I don't always see things as they are. The way I feel plays way too big a part in my day to day functions. I forget to look toward a future that doesn't involve pain or death or greed with political unrest and wars and rumors of wars. Maybe it won't be today, but maybe it will. Nobody knows when these things will happen. But if you're looking at the way the world is today, it's never been riper for the prophecies to finally happen.

I just wanted to share a little joy with you this morning. My last post was an eye opener for those of us who don't look at the truth of who we really are at the core of our being. Choosing instead to look through a blind eye at the choices we've made and how they've affected others. Looking at truth doesn't always have to be a reprimand. Sometimes truth is not painful. In fact, truth is made to be freeing. I don't hold those truths about myself close to my head and heart. I don't mind being an open book. I'd rather be truthful about my ugly parts and my beautiful parts. I am who I am and today that makes me peaceful. My prayer for you is that your truth makes you peaceful as well. I hope you find hope in the future that has been created for us. I hope the thought of flowers singing with joy brings you to a place of excitement for things to come.

For today as always, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, with all my love, Patty

Truthful Eyes

Hello Everyone,

I know, I know I'm about as reliable as the weather in the Midwest. However, now that I pretty much have my life nailed back down I think I'm ready to share some things with all of you again. Thank you so much to those of you who have stayed with me during my dry spells and spells where I'm actually saying something. You mean something to me.

I believe it is now safe to say.......I'm going to be a grandma again.....to 2 more beautiful children by my daughter and my daughter in law. It sounds like one should be ready in August and the other maybe not til September or so. That will give me 5 grandchildren under the age of 3! Can you believe that??? God has blessed me so many times it's hard to believe I ever have down days but oh well. I am still a human being.

I've noticed as I've grown older how many failures have led me to this place of an understanding of myself.
It has recently been pointed out to me that my kids' stepmother has had a more positive influence on my kids than I have. I have to say my first impression upon hearing this was not a positive one.....not at all. In fact, I felt embarrassed, chastised, hurt, wronged and a whole bunch of other emotions. However, she has had a greater influence in many ways than I have. I have come to believe that she has held them to a higher standard than I have, which in a lot of ways have helped them to be better people. Every parent makes mistakes and I'm not any different. It was a very hard realization for me to accept that she too has been their mom for about 12 years now. I'm not going to lie and tell you that I've agreed with her methods, I have NOT. In fact, I've been quite upset by the way I feel my kids were treated growing up with her. There was a constant comparison between her children and mine that left some of my kids feeling very inferior. I felt like it was my job to help keep the balance and overlooked things that should have been dealt with by a firmer hand from me. I couldn't do it though and looking back, I sort of wished I was a stronger person, both then and now.

Making mistakes doesn't make us better people until we've looked at what happened through truthful eyes. I made so many mistakes and they weren't all about keeping the balance either. I also had an occasion occur recently that reminded me that I can be VERY self centered and near sighted when it comes to many things. Like a lot of other people, I have a list of excuses I could use that would make me feel better as a person, mother, sister, grandmother, human being. But I know the only way to grow in faith and in maturity is by being put through the refinery, like gold and silver is....having our impurities taken out is a painful process but it yields a purer soul. The end result is not where the growth occurs, the growth occurs during the painful times. It's looking in the mirror and working on the issues you see reflect back at you.

I pray this message finds you at peace with who you are and from where you've come and where you're headed. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Patty