Do you ever have one of those days when everything just feels wrong and you don't know why? I do. I have a restlessness that I can't begin to even explain. It feels like a silent tantrum inside. Where I'm needing a vacation from my own mind. I think this must be a form of spring fever for older people. Where the mind is still young, but the body begs to differ.
I sometimes feel stuck in the choices that have brought me to where I am today. Sometimes that is a good place and other times, it just stagnates, feeding on all the negative I've done in my life or allowed in my past. It's not my intention to bring others down, but sometimes just letting loose with what I'm really feeling just might help someone else to know that they're not alone in their suffering. Today, I'd rather be walking on a trail, communing with nature, instead I am finding my self using extra pain meds to take the physical and the mental pain away. It's not a smart thing to do, but certainly not unheard of for me. I too, seek to leave my own company at times. Movies and books don't always accomplish what I need them for. This too is my own fault.
I wrote the previous two paragraphs last night. I will close this short post this morning, with a good thought. I'm getting ready to go with my daughter to see my new grandchild by ultrasound. This truly makes me happy. I'm praying today is better than last night. It just wasn't a good night for me. But today is a new day and it has new hopes and new ideas and thankfully a brighter outlook. As usual, I usually just need to ride out the day and get to a better one.
Until next time, take care of each other and that means you too, Love, Patty
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
I am NOT always HONEST
Hello Everyone,
You know I've been talking about trust, nurturing and expectations and to be honest with you. I know nothing about any of those things. Except for my own experiences. I HAD to look them up in the dictionary because I realized I didn't know what I was even talking about. I've been finding out that I am not always honest with you the reader. Not purposefully, but definitely by avoidance of how things really are.
I can tell you with all honesty that I sometimes go weeks without opening my Bible, sometimes I even forget to pray. But I usually remember when I want something or have a need. This happens a lot to me as a parent. I find that it's difficult to get my kids together for even a weekly dinner because they just don't need me like I need them. I'm so thankful for the time that they DO give me. It means a lot.
I find out in 2 more days what my next grandchild will be. I'm very excited about this but to be perfectly honest. I'm nervous too. My body sometimes just falls apart on me. I believe that my mother suffered from Fibromyalgia but was never diagnosed. She was in pain every day of her life....every single day. I feel like that person I'm describing is me. I did not take her pain seriously because it just seemed to me that if she would just get up and get her own sandwich maybe she would feel better. I had so much resentment because the dreaded phrase "while you're up, will you do..........". It got to the point where I would rather sit and hold out going to the bathroom, hoping one of my sisters would get up first. I don't know which is worse? Now that I'm the grandma, it scares me that I'm not going to be able to truly enjoy my grandchildren as much as I should. I want to be there for everything. But, I also want my bed more often than not. I have chronic pain and it is very stressful. I want to be active, yet when I am, I pay for it in pain.
Everyone looks back on the things of the past with a biased viewpoint. We can't help it. We don't see all sides of any given event. Only what WE experience or see. But what we experience or see is sometimes not the truth. There are just times when I need to come clean and let you know that I too struggle with trying to do what's right. Sometimes knowing what's right isn't always as clear as it should be. Sometimes being honest gets you kicked in the teeth (so to speak). There's a lot of people out there who have so much need that in order to survive they feel they have to humble themselves or act in ways they would not otherwise not do. Being poor sometimes makes a person do things they wouldn't otherwise do. So, just do the best you can and when you remember, talk to your mom if she's still there for you. Your father too, nobody should be left behind. Most of all, try to remember the Lord, even if you don't have a need. They say everytime you point a finger at someone, there are 4 more pointing back at yourself. Well 3, the thumb is not always in that direction. Until next time, take care of each other and don't forget yourself.......and be honest, even if it hurts.
Love, Patty
You know I've been talking about trust, nurturing and expectations and to be honest with you. I know nothing about any of those things. Except for my own experiences. I HAD to look them up in the dictionary because I realized I didn't know what I was even talking about. I've been finding out that I am not always honest with you the reader. Not purposefully, but definitely by avoidance of how things really are.
I can tell you with all honesty that I sometimes go weeks without opening my Bible, sometimes I even forget to pray. But I usually remember when I want something or have a need. This happens a lot to me as a parent. I find that it's difficult to get my kids together for even a weekly dinner because they just don't need me like I need them. I'm so thankful for the time that they DO give me. It means a lot.
I find out in 2 more days what my next grandchild will be. I'm very excited about this but to be perfectly honest. I'm nervous too. My body sometimes just falls apart on me. I believe that my mother suffered from Fibromyalgia but was never diagnosed. She was in pain every day of her life....every single day. I feel like that person I'm describing is me. I did not take her pain seriously because it just seemed to me that if she would just get up and get her own sandwich maybe she would feel better. I had so much resentment because the dreaded phrase "while you're up, will you do..........". It got to the point where I would rather sit and hold out going to the bathroom, hoping one of my sisters would get up first. I don't know which is worse? Now that I'm the grandma, it scares me that I'm not going to be able to truly enjoy my grandchildren as much as I should. I want to be there for everything. But, I also want my bed more often than not. I have chronic pain and it is very stressful. I want to be active, yet when I am, I pay for it in pain.
Everyone looks back on the things of the past with a biased viewpoint. We can't help it. We don't see all sides of any given event. Only what WE experience or see. But what we experience or see is sometimes not the truth. There are just times when I need to come clean and let you know that I too struggle with trying to do what's right. Sometimes knowing what's right isn't always as clear as it should be. Sometimes being honest gets you kicked in the teeth (so to speak). There's a lot of people out there who have so much need that in order to survive they feel they have to humble themselves or act in ways they would not otherwise not do. Being poor sometimes makes a person do things they wouldn't otherwise do. So, just do the best you can and when you remember, talk to your mom if she's still there for you. Your father too, nobody should be left behind. Most of all, try to remember the Lord, even if you don't have a need. They say everytime you point a finger at someone, there are 4 more pointing back at yourself. Well 3, the thumb is not always in that direction. Until next time, take care of each other and don't forget yourself.......and be honest, even if it hurts.
Love, Patty
Monday, April 28, 2014
Integrity and other myths
Good Morning Everyone,
I will get back to the trust issues another time. Today I want to talk about integrity. Looking up Integrity in the dictionary states that integrity is adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
The first problem I see is the word "moral". Everybody in this country knows that "morality" is NOT discussed in proper circles because we don't want to offend anyone. Since when has being moral a bad thing?????? The second problem I see is the word "honesty". While most profess to be honest, I would say that 90% of us lie. Therefore integrity in our character is pretty much out the window.
This is all I really wanted to touch on. I don't care about the integrity of a ship or a building, well I do, but not in this context. I want to discuss character. Or the lack thereof.
Have you, like me, found it's easier to believe the bad in people than it is to believe the good? Someone may say they found out that a particular person has been caught stealing money from their place of employment and I have found most would reply with, "doesn't surprise me at all" or "nothing surprises me anymore". When was the last time you heard someone say they heard that a particular person donates a percentage of their time to tutoring others to help read, or donates money to a good cause, or helps out the needy by giving up one night a week of eating out for dinner? I can guarantee it was something you saw on tv about a politician or some well known person trying to convince the world that their contribution makes up for the choices they made in their business dealings.....like I don't know, using slave labor in some poor country instead of using adult workers at a fair wage to help fill the stomachs of their children.
I know I probably have run on sentences and my grammar is all screwed up but somethings you just can't help but express. I don't even know what set me off this morning but it was probably something on the news or Yahoo. It really doesn't matter. I just wish that people would stop and consider how their actions might affect another individual. Just even if they take pause only half the time. The amazing difference we would see in our world. If our yes remained yes and our no remained no. As a parent, I can tell you I made many mistakes in that department. I wish I knew then what I know now.
My request today is to just stop for a minute before you make a decision and ask yourself if your decision will have a negative impact on someone. If your answer is yes, I pray you would reconsider. Integrity is not something you're born with. It's a choice you make everyday, whether to give up your seat on the train for an older person, or someone handicapped. It's the smile in your voice when you help people at the grocery store. It's taking the time to help at all. It's saying no to an "innocent" flirting with someone because it's rude to your spouse. It's treating others the way we ourselves would want to be treated. I read that somewhere, perhaps you can tell me where I read it so I would know where to go for help next time. :-)
Please take care of one another and don't forget to care for yourself. Have integrity in your daily dealings and don't forget to have a moral character. Love, Patty
I will get back to the trust issues another time. Today I want to talk about integrity. Looking up Integrity in the dictionary states that integrity is adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
The first problem I see is the word "moral". Everybody in this country knows that "morality" is NOT discussed in proper circles because we don't want to offend anyone. Since when has being moral a bad thing?????? The second problem I see is the word "honesty". While most profess to be honest, I would say that 90% of us lie. Therefore integrity in our character is pretty much out the window.
This is all I really wanted to touch on. I don't care about the integrity of a ship or a building, well I do, but not in this context. I want to discuss character. Or the lack thereof.
Have you, like me, found it's easier to believe the bad in people than it is to believe the good? Someone may say they found out that a particular person has been caught stealing money from their place of employment and I have found most would reply with, "doesn't surprise me at all" or "nothing surprises me anymore". When was the last time you heard someone say they heard that a particular person donates a percentage of their time to tutoring others to help read, or donates money to a good cause, or helps out the needy by giving up one night a week of eating out for dinner? I can guarantee it was something you saw on tv about a politician or some well known person trying to convince the world that their contribution makes up for the choices they made in their business dealings.....like I don't know, using slave labor in some poor country instead of using adult workers at a fair wage to help fill the stomachs of their children.
I know I probably have run on sentences and my grammar is all screwed up but somethings you just can't help but express. I don't even know what set me off this morning but it was probably something on the news or Yahoo. It really doesn't matter. I just wish that people would stop and consider how their actions might affect another individual. Just even if they take pause only half the time. The amazing difference we would see in our world. If our yes remained yes and our no remained no. As a parent, I can tell you I made many mistakes in that department. I wish I knew then what I know now.
My request today is to just stop for a minute before you make a decision and ask yourself if your decision will have a negative impact on someone. If your answer is yes, I pray you would reconsider. Integrity is not something you're born with. It's a choice you make everyday, whether to give up your seat on the train for an older person, or someone handicapped. It's the smile in your voice when you help people at the grocery store. It's taking the time to help at all. It's saying no to an "innocent" flirting with someone because it's rude to your spouse. It's treating others the way we ourselves would want to be treated. I read that somewhere, perhaps you can tell me where I read it so I would know where to go for help next time. :-)
Please take care of one another and don't forget to care for yourself. Have integrity in your daily dealings and don't forget to have a moral character. Love, Patty
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Trust part IV, Nurturing and Expectations - The good stuff
Good morning everyone,
At least what's left of the morning. It's thundering here and my body thinks it belongs in bed. I have a lot to say today and I'm actually not sure where my ramblings will take me. I think I tend to write better when I speak from experience instead of what I think to be right. So, here goes.
I'm probably the last person in the world that should talk about trust. Mainly because the only one I truly trust is The Lord Jesus. It's impossible to not trust Him when I look back at all He brought me through. You the reader wouldn't believe some of the things that have happened to my family. Because this is my blog and not theirs, I can't really tell you of all the things I've been saved from. Times I should have died, numerous really. I can only share my experiences, not the ones that effected me from other family members. Let's just say there has been tremendous loss and those aren't my tales to tell.
Relationships have been the most difficult for me to trust in. My relationships with my significant others have probably taught me more than any other human relationship. I believe I've told you in previous blogs about how my sisters and I were brought up to believe that happiness could be found in the arms of a man. So, I spent a great deal of my life pursuing that end. My first husband didn't pan out for reasons I'd rather not bring up again. My second husband was too in love with himself to ever love another. He actually came right out and admitted he never loved me. He married me because he needed someone with a car, license and low self-esteem so he could manipulate me. He was very successful in his endeavor. But, for only 3 years. I was so happy to have him out of my life. He did a lot of damage to my psyche. I went from that marriage straight into the fire so to speak. My last relationship lasted 2 years. It was a very damaging relationship full of violence, cheating, lying, drug use (him, not me this time). That relationship changed who I am. I haven't been in a relationship since that time.
I lost my trust, had received no nurturing and my expectations of what a good relationship should be went out the door. Since that time, (roughly 7-8 years ago) I have spent a lot of time alone, literally. I pretty much walked away from my friends, my job, financial obligations and just stayed to myself, in my room. I learned so much during that time. I've developed a love of The Lord, His Word and can now appreciate time alone. Which I never thought I'd be able to do. I know who I am. I could remain a single woman for the rest of my life here on earth because I've learned to enjoy my own company. I also can finally say, I could be with another person and have it be healthy. I've really been afraid of rejection and being taken advantage of. I now know that is not possible any more. I have given my life to The Lord. He chooses what is best for me. He is someone I trust. He nurtures me through His Word and The Holy Spirit, which ministers to me daily. I have an expectation of Joy, Peace and all the other fruits we're promised. I put my life in His hands and I trust Him to lead me in whatever is healthy for me spiritually. When your spirit is aligned with what is right, the rest naturally follows.
I can't wait to see what He has in store for me. Eventually I'll share some more of my experiences but today I needed to share with you how far I've been brought. How much I've been taught. How much I still have to give. When your cup runs over, there's plenty yet to give. My cup always flows, as long as I allow it. Yours can too. Until next time, be good to each other. You don't know what the next person is experiencing. So love each other and don't neglect time alone. It's important! Love, Patty
At least what's left of the morning. It's thundering here and my body thinks it belongs in bed. I have a lot to say today and I'm actually not sure where my ramblings will take me. I think I tend to write better when I speak from experience instead of what I think to be right. So, here goes.
I'm probably the last person in the world that should talk about trust. Mainly because the only one I truly trust is The Lord Jesus. It's impossible to not trust Him when I look back at all He brought me through. You the reader wouldn't believe some of the things that have happened to my family. Because this is my blog and not theirs, I can't really tell you of all the things I've been saved from. Times I should have died, numerous really. I can only share my experiences, not the ones that effected me from other family members. Let's just say there has been tremendous loss and those aren't my tales to tell.
Relationships have been the most difficult for me to trust in. My relationships with my significant others have probably taught me more than any other human relationship. I believe I've told you in previous blogs about how my sisters and I were brought up to believe that happiness could be found in the arms of a man. So, I spent a great deal of my life pursuing that end. My first husband didn't pan out for reasons I'd rather not bring up again. My second husband was too in love with himself to ever love another. He actually came right out and admitted he never loved me. He married me because he needed someone with a car, license and low self-esteem so he could manipulate me. He was very successful in his endeavor. But, for only 3 years. I was so happy to have him out of my life. He did a lot of damage to my psyche. I went from that marriage straight into the fire so to speak. My last relationship lasted 2 years. It was a very damaging relationship full of violence, cheating, lying, drug use (him, not me this time). That relationship changed who I am. I haven't been in a relationship since that time.
I lost my trust, had received no nurturing and my expectations of what a good relationship should be went out the door. Since that time, (roughly 7-8 years ago) I have spent a lot of time alone, literally. I pretty much walked away from my friends, my job, financial obligations and just stayed to myself, in my room. I learned so much during that time. I've developed a love of The Lord, His Word and can now appreciate time alone. Which I never thought I'd be able to do. I know who I am. I could remain a single woman for the rest of my life here on earth because I've learned to enjoy my own company. I also can finally say, I could be with another person and have it be healthy. I've really been afraid of rejection and being taken advantage of. I now know that is not possible any more. I have given my life to The Lord. He chooses what is best for me. He is someone I trust. He nurtures me through His Word and The Holy Spirit, which ministers to me daily. I have an expectation of Joy, Peace and all the other fruits we're promised. I put my life in His hands and I trust Him to lead me in whatever is healthy for me spiritually. When your spirit is aligned with what is right, the rest naturally follows.
I can't wait to see what He has in store for me. Eventually I'll share some more of my experiences but today I needed to share with you how far I've been brought. How much I've been taught. How much I still have to give. When your cup runs over, there's plenty yet to give. My cup always flows, as long as I allow it. Yours can too. Until next time, be good to each other. You don't know what the next person is experiencing. So love each other and don't neglect time alone. It's important! Love, Patty
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Trust part III and Expectations
Good morning everyone,
Yesterday I talked about trust and nurturing. Today, I'd like to continue on this line of thinking and add another little word in there. Expectations.......just one word with multitudes of issues attached to it. We automatically have expectations. A lot of them are justified. I know that I have an expectation that the sun will rise each morning in the east.....and my expectation was met.
There is a difference between trust and expectations. Let's look at the similarities. I can use trust in the same sentence I used previously about the sun rising. I have trust that the sun will rise each morning in the east. It's always been that way so it's kind of easy to trust that. It's also a reasonable expectation.
Sometimes we develop expectations of those people we trust. That's where things tend to go wrong. Let's say you trust that your child will tell you the truth when asked if he made his bed. After all, it's easy to check. Therefore, when your child tells you yes, he made his bed, you have an expectation of seeing his bed all made up. Sounds reasonable, right?
What about those times when trust and expectations cross paths instead of being aligned? What if we trust something and we don't have our expectations met? I believe this happens a lot in the work place. A work boss trusts that you will do your job to the best of your ability. The job expectations are explained to you and you sign a paper that says you can meet those expectations. It's kind of like a job description. When we don't meet that expectation, the work boss is disappointed and we may find ourselves out of a job.
I believe that trust and expectations mostly become a problem in relationships. As women, I think we believe that our spouses automatically should know and understand our needs and when they don't, we are upset because our expectation of our mate was not met. We may trust them, but we have set up an expectation that is not reasonable for that mate to meet. Men are kind of the same way. A lot of men think that if something is wrong, the spouse will tell them so they can fix it. When we (as women) become frustrated by their lack of automatically knowing what our need is, then the men become frustrated that we are making a big deal out of something they didn't even know was happening. All of this can be summed up into three little words.......lack of communication. Women don't like to tell men their problems because the men want to fix them. The woman wants to analyze them.
There is so much more to trust and expectations that I more than likely will spend some more time as I've barely scratched the surface. Until next time, take care of each other and be good to yourself. Read God's Word and things will improve, I promise. Love, Patty
Yesterday I talked about trust and nurturing. Today, I'd like to continue on this line of thinking and add another little word in there. Expectations.......just one word with multitudes of issues attached to it. We automatically have expectations. A lot of them are justified. I know that I have an expectation that the sun will rise each morning in the east.....and my expectation was met.
There is a difference between trust and expectations. Let's look at the similarities. I can use trust in the same sentence I used previously about the sun rising. I have trust that the sun will rise each morning in the east. It's always been that way so it's kind of easy to trust that. It's also a reasonable expectation.
Sometimes we develop expectations of those people we trust. That's where things tend to go wrong. Let's say you trust that your child will tell you the truth when asked if he made his bed. After all, it's easy to check. Therefore, when your child tells you yes, he made his bed, you have an expectation of seeing his bed all made up. Sounds reasonable, right?
What about those times when trust and expectations cross paths instead of being aligned? What if we trust something and we don't have our expectations met? I believe this happens a lot in the work place. A work boss trusts that you will do your job to the best of your ability. The job expectations are explained to you and you sign a paper that says you can meet those expectations. It's kind of like a job description. When we don't meet that expectation, the work boss is disappointed and we may find ourselves out of a job.
I believe that trust and expectations mostly become a problem in relationships. As women, I think we believe that our spouses automatically should know and understand our needs and when they don't, we are upset because our expectation of our mate was not met. We may trust them, but we have set up an expectation that is not reasonable for that mate to meet. Men are kind of the same way. A lot of men think that if something is wrong, the spouse will tell them so they can fix it. When we (as women) become frustrated by their lack of automatically knowing what our need is, then the men become frustrated that we are making a big deal out of something they didn't even know was happening. All of this can be summed up into three little words.......lack of communication. Women don't like to tell men their problems because the men want to fix them. The woman wants to analyze them.
There is so much more to trust and expectations that I more than likely will spend some more time as I've barely scratched the surface. Until next time, take care of each other and be good to yourself. Read God's Word and things will improve, I promise. Love, Patty
Friday, April 25, 2014
Trust, part II
Good morning world,
After rereading my post yesterday, I realize that this whole trust issue is going to be definitely more than one day. There are so many aspects to this whole trust thing. One of the ways that we develop trust is by experiencing a need that we are unable to fulfill ourselves. Also, trust and nurture from a child's point of view go hand in hand but when we grow we realize they are separate needs. Without nurturing, trust does not naturally develop. I should have brought all this up yesterday, but I didn't think of it then. Nurturing should come to us as a direct result of birth. After all, two people made love and each of us are the result of that love. I looked up Trust and Nurture in the dictionary and at the end of this blog you'll find their definitions.
I believe it can safely be said that trust is the result of nurturing. This does not only apply to children. If you want to look at it another way, remember that all of us either ARE someone's child or we ARE the children of God. He loves us more than any parent is capable of.
Every person requires nurturing. I believe we also are required to nurture others. The Good Book says we are to "love one another as He has loved us". paraphrased from John 13:34. If you are a parent, nurturing should come automatically. Obviously, that doesn't always happen or there would be no such thing as child abuse. But, an otherwise emotionally healthy individual would automatically love and nurture their child which would automatically build trust. I do NOT believe the need to be nurtured ends at childhood.
Each of us hungers for that special bond with another individual. I believe that the Lord is supposed to fill that spot. But we also need love from people with skin on. If someone were to ask just about any divorced person why the divorce occurred, somewhere in that answer you'll find that they drifted apart, which led to........whatever the main catalyst was. If we nurtured relationships like we nurture our children or grandchildren the divorce numbers would drastically drop. We take each other for granted. Without nurturing, the relationship dies.....like a plant dies without water and other nutrients.
My goal today and hopefully everyday is to love and nurture those that I love. I also believe that by loving and nurturing my loved ones, trust will become stronger and easier to rely on. This should occur both for the giver of nurturing and the receiver of nurturing. Until next time, please don't take your loved ones for granted. None of us are promised tomorrow. So today is a gift. Nurture that gift and your trust will increase. Remember, what you feed is what will be stronger. If you're feeding negativity or anger or mistrust, then naturally those are what you will feel the most. But if you feed positive thoughts and love and nurturing and trust, those things will increase. Be a good steward of the gift of today. That's why it's called the present. My love to you all, Patty
After rereading my post yesterday, I realize that this whole trust issue is going to be definitely more than one day. There are so many aspects to this whole trust thing. One of the ways that we develop trust is by experiencing a need that we are unable to fulfill ourselves. Also, trust and nurture from a child's point of view go hand in hand but when we grow we realize they are separate needs. Without nurturing, trust does not naturally develop. I should have brought all this up yesterday, but I didn't think of it then. Nurturing should come to us as a direct result of birth. After all, two people made love and each of us are the result of that love. I looked up Trust and Nurture in the dictionary and at the end of this blog you'll find their definitions.
I believe it can safely be said that trust is the result of nurturing. This does not only apply to children. If you want to look at it another way, remember that all of us either ARE someone's child or we ARE the children of God. He loves us more than any parent is capable of.
Every person requires nurturing. I believe we also are required to nurture others. The Good Book says we are to "love one another as He has loved us". paraphrased from John 13:34. If you are a parent, nurturing should come automatically. Obviously, that doesn't always happen or there would be no such thing as child abuse. But, an otherwise emotionally healthy individual would automatically love and nurture their child which would automatically build trust. I do NOT believe the need to be nurtured ends at childhood.
Each of us hungers for that special bond with another individual. I believe that the Lord is supposed to fill that spot. But we also need love from people with skin on. If someone were to ask just about any divorced person why the divorce occurred, somewhere in that answer you'll find that they drifted apart, which led to........whatever the main catalyst was. If we nurtured relationships like we nurture our children or grandchildren the divorce numbers would drastically drop. We take each other for granted. Without nurturing, the relationship dies.....like a plant dies without water and other nutrients.
My goal today and hopefully everyday is to love and nurture those that I love. I also believe that by loving and nurturing my loved ones, trust will become stronger and easier to rely on. This should occur both for the giver of nurturing and the receiver of nurturing. Until next time, please don't take your loved ones for granted. None of us are promised tomorrow. So today is a gift. Nurture that gift and your trust will increase. Remember, what you feed is what will be stronger. If you're feeding negativity or anger or mistrust, then naturally those are what you will feel the most. But if you feed positive thoughts and love and nurturing and trust, those things will increase. Be a good steward of the gift of today. That's why it's called the present. My love to you all, Patty
trust
[truhst] Show IPA
noun
1.
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.
confident expectation of something; hope.
3.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sellmerchandise on trust.
5.
the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
noun
1.
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2.
confident expectation of something; hope.
3.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; credit: to sellmerchandise on trust.
5.
the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
nur·ture
[nur-cher] Show IPA
verb (used with object), nur·tured, nur·tur·ing.
1.
to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.
2.
to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurturepromising musicians.
3.
to bring up; train; educate.
noun
4.
rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.
5.
development: the nurture of young artists.
6.
something that nourishes; nourishment; food.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Trust
Good Morning everyone,
My awake hours are slowly trying to turn me into a night owl again. I have to really make an effort to keep that from happening. I enjoy being a day walker. :-)
Let's talk about trust today. Trust is something that we are born with. As infants, we automatically trust because we have no other choice. We count on our new family to care for our every need. They carry us where we need to go. They feed us when we need food. They take care of our most intimate needs like cleaning our rear-ends. If our mothers don't care for us, we die. It is trust to the Nth degree.
Somewhere between birth and the rest of life, we lose that ability to just believe our needs will be met. People let us down. It's not something someone deliberately chooses. We don't wake up one day and say to ourselves. I'm not going to trust anyone anymore. For some, it happens slowly. We have a need that isn't met. For example, when I was little we moved to Omaha without my dad. None of us ever saw him again as he died not long after that. My mother raised us 5 girls by herself. It was difficult for her and many of our NEEDS went unmet. She didn't set out to deprive us. She was just incapable of seeing clearly past her own needs. Many times we as children were hungry and without the daily necessities of life like toothpaste or shampoo. It began a cycle of distrust. Trust is still something I struggle with on a daily basis.
I believe that The Lord loves me as His child. For whatever reason it was allowed that we as a family should suffer. I will probably never understand His reasoning or why all those things were allowed to occur. As a result, I struggle sometimes on a minute by minute basis, to trust my innermost needs will be met.
My needs have changed drastically as I've aged. Things that I thought were NEEDED are not actually necessary for survival. I don't require the same things I required when I was say, in my 20's or 30's. But, the basic needs are the same for everyone. I still need food, toothpaste and shampoo. Even though I have no income right now, I'm finding my needs one by one are being fulfilled and as a result I'm relearning how to trust again. People let us down. It's human nature. We struggle, we fail and we ultimately all end up on our knees. Maybe that's where we should begin our days rather than waiting til there are no options left.
The Lord keeps His promises. I trust that to be true. While I might struggle to trust He will meet my needs, He patiently waits for me to get my grip on what is true and right and honest. The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. Ps 138:8.
Until next time, take care of each other and trust that your needs will be met. Start each day on your knees and it just might make you stand a little taller. Love, Patty
My awake hours are slowly trying to turn me into a night owl again. I have to really make an effort to keep that from happening. I enjoy being a day walker. :-)
Let's talk about trust today. Trust is something that we are born with. As infants, we automatically trust because we have no other choice. We count on our new family to care for our every need. They carry us where we need to go. They feed us when we need food. They take care of our most intimate needs like cleaning our rear-ends. If our mothers don't care for us, we die. It is trust to the Nth degree.
Somewhere between birth and the rest of life, we lose that ability to just believe our needs will be met. People let us down. It's not something someone deliberately chooses. We don't wake up one day and say to ourselves. I'm not going to trust anyone anymore. For some, it happens slowly. We have a need that isn't met. For example, when I was little we moved to Omaha without my dad. None of us ever saw him again as he died not long after that. My mother raised us 5 girls by herself. It was difficult for her and many of our NEEDS went unmet. She didn't set out to deprive us. She was just incapable of seeing clearly past her own needs. Many times we as children were hungry and without the daily necessities of life like toothpaste or shampoo. It began a cycle of distrust. Trust is still something I struggle with on a daily basis.
I believe that The Lord loves me as His child. For whatever reason it was allowed that we as a family should suffer. I will probably never understand His reasoning or why all those things were allowed to occur. As a result, I struggle sometimes on a minute by minute basis, to trust my innermost needs will be met.
My needs have changed drastically as I've aged. Things that I thought were NEEDED are not actually necessary for survival. I don't require the same things I required when I was say, in my 20's or 30's. But, the basic needs are the same for everyone. I still need food, toothpaste and shampoo. Even though I have no income right now, I'm finding my needs one by one are being fulfilled and as a result I'm relearning how to trust again. People let us down. It's human nature. We struggle, we fail and we ultimately all end up on our knees. Maybe that's where we should begin our days rather than waiting til there are no options left.
The Lord keeps His promises. I trust that to be true. While I might struggle to trust He will meet my needs, He patiently waits for me to get my grip on what is true and right and honest. The Lord will accomplish what concerns me. Ps 138:8.
Until next time, take care of each other and trust that your needs will be met. Start each day on your knees and it just might make you stand a little taller. Love, Patty
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
The GOOD people can sometimes be the bullies
Hello Everyone,
I'm running a little later than normal today. I have my grandson coming soon, so I won't bore you with any details today.
I want to talk about how we hurt one another in the name of righteousness. Years ago, I was an upstanding member in my community which happened to be a church. That was my community. I really didn't socialize outside of my church members. My husband (at the time) and I went to Bible studies and I was the church secretary for a couple of years. I sang solos a lot on Sunday mornings. I taught Sunday School, helped out in the nursery......are you getting the picture?.....the works. Church was my life. If I am to be honest, most of that was due to the fact that I was a hungry new believer. Hungry for the meat of the matter. I was not happy in my marriage and I was doing everything I could to keep it together. Including bullying my husband to follow the same path.
Somewhere around the 8th & 9th year of our marriage, it started to fall apart. The church people I knew well, held me accountable for the end of my marriage. To be clear, I had expressed to my best friend at the time (a wife of an elder at the church) that I was struggling with some feelings for the guy I worked for. Next thing I knew I was being told I HAD to quit my job and the pastor was literally screaming at me over the phone about how I was destroying two marriages by helping this other man keep his restaurant open. Their family's only livelihood. After being screamed at, I told that Pastor I would never come back to that church again.
I eventually had a two week fling with a guy I met while out dancing one night. I felt a lot of guilt and told my husband what I'd done. He forgave me because he too had cheated.....quite a few times. But because he continued to go to that church, that entire congregation stood behind him. I was ignored when I saw people I went to church and bible studies with. In fact, in this little community, I see them often and only some will actually acknowledge they know me, even to this day. I have not felt comfortable in a church since that time. I was accused of busting up a marriage because I helped my boss provide for his family.
There is so much more to this story. I wish I could give you the details but I just don't have the time or the strength in me to revisit that too much. The good news is that it doesn't matter to Jesus. I am the church or rather a member of it. Each believer is the church. The church is not a building where we go to worship. Our bodies are His temple and we can worship where we stand.
I'm not saying that going to church is unhealthy or even bad for you. But if you've experienced unfair judgment from the "church", you're not alone. I've found a group of people who feel the same way I do and they help people like me who have been traumatized by people who spoke in the name of love to accuse me. If any of you have an interest in knowing about this. You can send me a message or comment and I'll provide you with some information. You're not the only one who has been unjustly cast out so to speak. There's a whole family waiting to help.
Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. Worship where you stand and enjoy the fruits of the Spirit. Spread love and The Good News. Love, Patty
I'm running a little later than normal today. I have my grandson coming soon, so I won't bore you with any details today.
I want to talk about how we hurt one another in the name of righteousness. Years ago, I was an upstanding member in my community which happened to be a church. That was my community. I really didn't socialize outside of my church members. My husband (at the time) and I went to Bible studies and I was the church secretary for a couple of years. I sang solos a lot on Sunday mornings. I taught Sunday School, helped out in the nursery......are you getting the picture?.....the works. Church was my life. If I am to be honest, most of that was due to the fact that I was a hungry new believer. Hungry for the meat of the matter. I was not happy in my marriage and I was doing everything I could to keep it together. Including bullying my husband to follow the same path.
Somewhere around the 8th & 9th year of our marriage, it started to fall apart. The church people I knew well, held me accountable for the end of my marriage. To be clear, I had expressed to my best friend at the time (a wife of an elder at the church) that I was struggling with some feelings for the guy I worked for. Next thing I knew I was being told I HAD to quit my job and the pastor was literally screaming at me over the phone about how I was destroying two marriages by helping this other man keep his restaurant open. Their family's only livelihood. After being screamed at, I told that Pastor I would never come back to that church again.
I eventually had a two week fling with a guy I met while out dancing one night. I felt a lot of guilt and told my husband what I'd done. He forgave me because he too had cheated.....quite a few times. But because he continued to go to that church, that entire congregation stood behind him. I was ignored when I saw people I went to church and bible studies with. In fact, in this little community, I see them often and only some will actually acknowledge they know me, even to this day. I have not felt comfortable in a church since that time. I was accused of busting up a marriage because I helped my boss provide for his family.
There is so much more to this story. I wish I could give you the details but I just don't have the time or the strength in me to revisit that too much. The good news is that it doesn't matter to Jesus. I am the church or rather a member of it. Each believer is the church. The church is not a building where we go to worship. Our bodies are His temple and we can worship where we stand.
I'm not saying that going to church is unhealthy or even bad for you. But if you've experienced unfair judgment from the "church", you're not alone. I've found a group of people who feel the same way I do and they help people like me who have been traumatized by people who spoke in the name of love to accuse me. If any of you have an interest in knowing about this. You can send me a message or comment and I'll provide you with some information. You're not the only one who has been unjustly cast out so to speak. There's a whole family waiting to help.
Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. Worship where you stand and enjoy the fruits of the Spirit. Spread love and The Good News. Love, Patty
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Pain, Secrets and Disclosure.....Oh My
Hello Everyone,
It's been decided that I'm a nester. I enjoy setting up house. My bedroom was recently moved to a larger room in the apartment and it was necessary for me to get my walls taken care of and all my pretty things displayed as soon as possible. Otherwise, it's just a room, not a place of rest and comfort. There's a difference. Especially to people like me, who have chronic pain. I don't know if I've let you all know my diagnosis' so if I have, please bear with me a moment while I complain.......sorry.
I have fibromyalgia, which is wide spread pain and fatigue along with about 98 other symptoms which can strike at any given moment. I also have degenerative disc disease which means that my back is basically falling apart at the spine. And, not to be forgotten, I also have Osteoarthritis and Depression. Believe me, you'd be depressed too is you dealt with pain so often. Today, is not a good day. It sucks to wake up in so much pain. Keeping perspective is not an easy thing to do when every nerve I have is firing off pain signals. My body craves sleep that I just woke up from. I've had my coffee, and my medications but it's like my body has shut off those receptors. It just doesn't listen to me or the things I do to take care of myself.
Personal situations also leave their mark on my physical body. Last night, my daughter and her fiancee' stopped over along with my son Isaac that I never get to see. It's ridiculous.....we live in the same small town and only a mile apart and I hardly ever get to see him. It should bring me peace knowing he can live without me but it doesn't. I realize I've done my job. I've raised a man and a good one at that. It's not like I had a rule book or instructions or even any prior knowledge of men being raised. I had no father, he died when I was very young, and I had no brothers. Any boyfriends or husbands I had weren't a whole lot of help when it comes to being normal. Sorry guys, nothing personal, but if you were with me, you probably weren't "whole" yourselves. My reasoning for bringing my son into this conversation is that I miss him. I miss him so much that when I get the opportunity to see him, I'm so exhausted from worrying that I'm literally sleepy. I NEED to see my children.
For the record, because I require honesty of others, I believe disclosure is needed here. When I was younger I had a son. I was 17 and had no idea what I was getting into. I did not have a firm foundation or a significant other to assist me. My family was not very understanding or helpful with my lack of parenting skills and as a result, he was adopted by a family member. That person, whom I love dearly, raised him with full knowledge of who I was in his life. In retrospect, I regret making that an issue. I should have left it alone for his sake, but I didn't and now I have biological grandchildren that live in another state that I have difficulty bonding with. I love them dearly, but I have had to close off that part of my heart because the alternative is too much to bear. I ALSO helped raise my first husband's son. I loved that little boy so much. He is so much like my own children. When his father and I divorced, I didn't expect to be able to have him in my life so I didn't provide a place for him to sleep. I will never forget the time he asked me where his bed was in my new apartment. I'll never forget the time my own son asked me if I was ready to be his mom yet. My relationship with my stepson was never the same. He has forgiven me but his children I've not met other than pictures and I regret not knowing the man he's become. For those of you who have suffered due to my decisions, I am so very very sorry.
Regrets, I've got a few. If that disclosure tells you any thing, it should tell you that I hold the 3 children I have very close to my heart. Having one son that lives 20 miles away is okay because I see him twice a week. My daughter lives very close and I'm so thankful for her presence in my daily life. My other son though, it's like he's never really required anyone. He's a quiet and extremely intelligent son who is making his way in the world and even though I don't get to see him very often I miss him like the desert misses water.
I apologize for the "too much information" or the TMI I've provided. I don't have a lot of secrets but if I can by disclosing my history with you, encourage one person then it's worth it. Hang in there, I would say. One of the things they teach you in counseling is to just "do the next right thing". This is what I'm attempting to do with my life. That statement gives me perspective. The past isn't mine to relive and the future is not something I can know so instead I will look at today as my present. Mainly because it's the truth.
Take care of yourself and PLEASE remember that the choices you make today can have long arms that extend a lot further then you anticipated. Mine certainly have. Until next time, I'm back in bed for the day. Love, Patty
It's been decided that I'm a nester. I enjoy setting up house. My bedroom was recently moved to a larger room in the apartment and it was necessary for me to get my walls taken care of and all my pretty things displayed as soon as possible. Otherwise, it's just a room, not a place of rest and comfort. There's a difference. Especially to people like me, who have chronic pain. I don't know if I've let you all know my diagnosis' so if I have, please bear with me a moment while I complain.......sorry.
I have fibromyalgia, which is wide spread pain and fatigue along with about 98 other symptoms which can strike at any given moment. I also have degenerative disc disease which means that my back is basically falling apart at the spine. And, not to be forgotten, I also have Osteoarthritis and Depression. Believe me, you'd be depressed too is you dealt with pain so often. Today, is not a good day. It sucks to wake up in so much pain. Keeping perspective is not an easy thing to do when every nerve I have is firing off pain signals. My body craves sleep that I just woke up from. I've had my coffee, and my medications but it's like my body has shut off those receptors. It just doesn't listen to me or the things I do to take care of myself.
Personal situations also leave their mark on my physical body. Last night, my daughter and her fiancee' stopped over along with my son Isaac that I never get to see. It's ridiculous.....we live in the same small town and only a mile apart and I hardly ever get to see him. It should bring me peace knowing he can live without me but it doesn't. I realize I've done my job. I've raised a man and a good one at that. It's not like I had a rule book or instructions or even any prior knowledge of men being raised. I had no father, he died when I was very young, and I had no brothers. Any boyfriends or husbands I had weren't a whole lot of help when it comes to being normal. Sorry guys, nothing personal, but if you were with me, you probably weren't "whole" yourselves. My reasoning for bringing my son into this conversation is that I miss him. I miss him so much that when I get the opportunity to see him, I'm so exhausted from worrying that I'm literally sleepy. I NEED to see my children.
For the record, because I require honesty of others, I believe disclosure is needed here. When I was younger I had a son. I was 17 and had no idea what I was getting into. I did not have a firm foundation or a significant other to assist me. My family was not very understanding or helpful with my lack of parenting skills and as a result, he was adopted by a family member. That person, whom I love dearly, raised him with full knowledge of who I was in his life. In retrospect, I regret making that an issue. I should have left it alone for his sake, but I didn't and now I have biological grandchildren that live in another state that I have difficulty bonding with. I love them dearly, but I have had to close off that part of my heart because the alternative is too much to bear. I ALSO helped raise my first husband's son. I loved that little boy so much. He is so much like my own children. When his father and I divorced, I didn't expect to be able to have him in my life so I didn't provide a place for him to sleep. I will never forget the time he asked me where his bed was in my new apartment. I'll never forget the time my own son asked me if I was ready to be his mom yet. My relationship with my stepson was never the same. He has forgiven me but his children I've not met other than pictures and I regret not knowing the man he's become. For those of you who have suffered due to my decisions, I am so very very sorry.
Regrets, I've got a few. If that disclosure tells you any thing, it should tell you that I hold the 3 children I have very close to my heart. Having one son that lives 20 miles away is okay because I see him twice a week. My daughter lives very close and I'm so thankful for her presence in my daily life. My other son though, it's like he's never really required anyone. He's a quiet and extremely intelligent son who is making his way in the world and even though I don't get to see him very often I miss him like the desert misses water.
I apologize for the "too much information" or the TMI I've provided. I don't have a lot of secrets but if I can by disclosing my history with you, encourage one person then it's worth it. Hang in there, I would say. One of the things they teach you in counseling is to just "do the next right thing". This is what I'm attempting to do with my life. That statement gives me perspective. The past isn't mine to relive and the future is not something I can know so instead I will look at today as my present. Mainly because it's the truth.
Take care of yourself and PLEASE remember that the choices you make today can have long arms that extend a lot further then you anticipated. Mine certainly have. Until next time, I'm back in bed for the day. Love, Patty
Monday, April 21, 2014
Choices and other excuses
Hello Everyone,
I sit here at this computer day after day and sometimes I get a little lost of what is worth sharing with you. I admit sometimes I have to dig a little deeper in order to have anything of value. Sometimes I fail, miserably. Today feels like it's going to be one of those days.
I was reading The Word this morning and I've been in the Book of John recently and today I read chapters 9 and 10. All through these two chapters He's telling the jewish leaders who He is. They don't put their pride aside long enough to believe that He just might be exactly what He claims to be.....The Son of God. He states "before Abraham was, I Am". If that's not blatantly saying He is the son of God and God himself I don't know how else that could be taken. Do you? All I really want to say about that is that either Jesus was exactly who He claimed to be or He was a liar, not a good teacher. There really isn't a middle ground there. A person can't just overlook those words "before Abraham was, I Am". That makes Him God. Not just a good teacher.
I don't know why I felt the need to say that this morning. Probably because I just read about it. My intended topic was about choices. Choices we make on a daily basis, usually without even thinking. We probably by rote make our coffee in our preferred way without even stopping to think about it. We just go about our day doing whatever comes next. It's not a bad thing. It is peculiar though. In a way, we've become short sighted. We miss the big picture. I don't know what your big picture is. Maybe these things never cross your mind.
I say short sighted because we don't come close to achieving what may have been what we were designed to do. Maybe, I was meant to be a Teacher of some sort. Perhaps, a singer or a Pastor or maybe something really cool like a rocket scientist. Although I'd have to admit that science never really turned my head. I believe that our science is a small blip in the grand scheme of things. There are just certain things we're not meant to understand yet.
So, back to my topic, which is choices. I believe the choices we make are important ones. We choose to start our day negatively or positively or perhaps even stoic. I believe that we make most of our decisions based on our feelings rather than what we know to be correct. I could sit here and tell you that I make correct choices most of the time. I rarely dip into my emotional storage to make a decision but actually, I just made myself LOL....literally laugh out loud. We have to remember that our feelings aren't accurate. Our feelings lie to us. We may feel ugly but in reality we are made in a wonderful and miraculous way. We are created in His image, therefore how can we be ugly. Our choices on the other hand can make us ugly. We may feel depressed, but once again, that's a choice, not a truth. BIG DIFFERENCE!! Are you getting me yet?
Today I choose to make a difference somehow. I don't know what that difference is going to be, I'm still drinking coffee. Technically, my eyes aren't even open yet. But I have faith that today will be good. The sun may not shine, but I will. I choose to be sunny and warm with a chance of short sightedness. Haha. I am a human being, not perfect. I am choosing to be happy but my choices may not reflect that decision. So pray for me. Lord knows I could use the help. Until next time, love each other and see yourself clearly. Love, Patty
I sit here at this computer day after day and sometimes I get a little lost of what is worth sharing with you. I admit sometimes I have to dig a little deeper in order to have anything of value. Sometimes I fail, miserably. Today feels like it's going to be one of those days.
I was reading The Word this morning and I've been in the Book of John recently and today I read chapters 9 and 10. All through these two chapters He's telling the jewish leaders who He is. They don't put their pride aside long enough to believe that He just might be exactly what He claims to be.....The Son of God. He states "before Abraham was, I Am". If that's not blatantly saying He is the son of God and God himself I don't know how else that could be taken. Do you? All I really want to say about that is that either Jesus was exactly who He claimed to be or He was a liar, not a good teacher. There really isn't a middle ground there. A person can't just overlook those words "before Abraham was, I Am". That makes Him God. Not just a good teacher.
I don't know why I felt the need to say that this morning. Probably because I just read about it. My intended topic was about choices. Choices we make on a daily basis, usually without even thinking. We probably by rote make our coffee in our preferred way without even stopping to think about it. We just go about our day doing whatever comes next. It's not a bad thing. It is peculiar though. In a way, we've become short sighted. We miss the big picture. I don't know what your big picture is. Maybe these things never cross your mind.
I say short sighted because we don't come close to achieving what may have been what we were designed to do. Maybe, I was meant to be a Teacher of some sort. Perhaps, a singer or a Pastor or maybe something really cool like a rocket scientist. Although I'd have to admit that science never really turned my head. I believe that our science is a small blip in the grand scheme of things. There are just certain things we're not meant to understand yet.
So, back to my topic, which is choices. I believe the choices we make are important ones. We choose to start our day negatively or positively or perhaps even stoic. I believe that we make most of our decisions based on our feelings rather than what we know to be correct. I could sit here and tell you that I make correct choices most of the time. I rarely dip into my emotional storage to make a decision but actually, I just made myself LOL....literally laugh out loud. We have to remember that our feelings aren't accurate. Our feelings lie to us. We may feel ugly but in reality we are made in a wonderful and miraculous way. We are created in His image, therefore how can we be ugly. Our choices on the other hand can make us ugly. We may feel depressed, but once again, that's a choice, not a truth. BIG DIFFERENCE!! Are you getting me yet?
Today I choose to make a difference somehow. I don't know what that difference is going to be, I'm still drinking coffee. Technically, my eyes aren't even open yet. But I have faith that today will be good. The sun may not shine, but I will. I choose to be sunny and warm with a chance of short sightedness. Haha. I am a human being, not perfect. I am choosing to be happy but my choices may not reflect that decision. So pray for me. Lord knows I could use the help. Until next time, love each other and see yourself clearly. Love, Patty
Sunday, April 20, 2014
Good News, Better News and other ramblings.
Hello Everyone,
It's Easter morning and He is Risen. This isn't a surprise to me but it's definitely worth celebrating. My idea of celebrating these days is relaxing and maybe make a meal. Not anything big, but delicious. I believe my kids all have plans elsewhere but my sister and I are together and we might have one or more of the kids drop over, with grandchildren in tow. Which to me, is worth celebrating as well.
I know that after yesterday, most of you are expecting my spiritual side to come out. I don't feel very spiritual today as of yet. Maybe after I get into His Word, that will change.....it usually does.
Today's blog is going to be short. Mainly because I am expecting today to be better than the past few. I really believe that we decide how we choose to spend our day. I don't always practice what I preach, but I sure wish I did. It's so easy to tell you, the reader how to make your day better and yet I still get stuck sometimes. I think I am human. Actually that was rhetorical. I don't need someone thinking I'm an alien species or something. I am a good old-fashioned blue blooded American. Which if I'm going to be honest, isn't exactly something to brag about. Sorry, but I think this country is headed to hell in a hand basket. But, I read the Book and thankfully, the good guys win. But I don't think America will be as it always has been. No politics today. Maybe tomorrow I'll give my thoughts on that.
You are all invited to enjoy your day. Be kind to one another and treat your neighbor as you would treat your best friend. I say best friend because most of us don't treat ourselves very nicely. But most of us will do a lot for a friend. A true friend.
Be Blessed and don't forget HE IS RISEN and that my dear ones is the GOOD NEWS everyone speaks of.
Love, Patty
It's Easter morning and He is Risen. This isn't a surprise to me but it's definitely worth celebrating. My idea of celebrating these days is relaxing and maybe make a meal. Not anything big, but delicious. I believe my kids all have plans elsewhere but my sister and I are together and we might have one or more of the kids drop over, with grandchildren in tow. Which to me, is worth celebrating as well.
I know that after yesterday, most of you are expecting my spiritual side to come out. I don't feel very spiritual today as of yet. Maybe after I get into His Word, that will change.....it usually does.
Today's blog is going to be short. Mainly because I am expecting today to be better than the past few. I really believe that we decide how we choose to spend our day. I don't always practice what I preach, but I sure wish I did. It's so easy to tell you, the reader how to make your day better and yet I still get stuck sometimes. I think I am human. Actually that was rhetorical. I don't need someone thinking I'm an alien species or something. I am a good old-fashioned blue blooded American. Which if I'm going to be honest, isn't exactly something to brag about. Sorry, but I think this country is headed to hell in a hand basket. But, I read the Book and thankfully, the good guys win. But I don't think America will be as it always has been. No politics today. Maybe tomorrow I'll give my thoughts on that.
You are all invited to enjoy your day. Be kind to one another and treat your neighbor as you would treat your best friend. I say best friend because most of us don't treat ourselves very nicely. But most of us will do a lot for a friend. A true friend.
Be Blessed and don't forget HE IS RISEN and that my dear ones is the GOOD NEWS everyone speaks of.
Love, Patty
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Good Friday??? Happy Saturday!!
Hello Everyone,
'
First, I'd like to thank all of you who take the time out of your day to read this. According to my numbers, it's not very many of you but you ARE SO appreciated. I sincerely hope something I type helps you in some small way.
Yesterday was Good Friday and I didn't post anything about that. Honestly, I had other things on my mind and believe me.....that was rude. The Lord should always be first and foremost on my mind. Certainly not on things in the past. For that I ask you to forgive me.....please.
My youngest son, who is 20 was given the day off at his job for Good Friday. He asked me, "why is it called Good Friday when that's the day that Jesus died? Shouldn't it be like Bad Friday" or Dead Friday or something along those lines. I told him no, they call it Good Friday because it was His act of willingly dying for us that allows us access to the Father, and that allows the comforter to come and abide in us (Holy Spirit) and mainly it was His death that allows us to enter into fellowship with God eternally. The veil of separation has been torn open and we ARE together each and every day if we want it.....did you get that last part.....IF WE WANT IT.
For a lot of people, me included, we tend to forget about God when things are going well. When we need Him is when we really make an effort to bridge that gap. Do you really think that's a coincidence? I truly believe that like any parent, He wants the best for us, but He misses us. I'm not saying that He wants bad things to happen but, I truly believe He uses the bad things that happen to us to further His purposes in our lives. And if in the process we remember that He can help us and will pray, then all the more use it can be. For US. We were created for a purpose. I don't think that can truly be understood until we're standing in front of Him. Wow, what a moment that will be. I think about that from time to time, how will I respond, will I fall to my knees, will I hug Him, will I cry, will I sing, I think I will do all of those things and probably in that order. At least I KNOW with everything inside of me that He died for ME and everyone else. This is good even though we think death is a bad thing, I don't really think it is. For those of us in Christ, death is the ultimate VACA.....streets of gold??? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. :-)
Until next time, I hope you take a moment and think about the sacrifice that He made in order for us to have eternal life with Him. Thank you Jesus for this merciful gift. Take care of each other and don't forget to love you too. That's important if it's done properly. Love Patty
'
First, I'd like to thank all of you who take the time out of your day to read this. According to my numbers, it's not very many of you but you ARE SO appreciated. I sincerely hope something I type helps you in some small way.
Yesterday was Good Friday and I didn't post anything about that. Honestly, I had other things on my mind and believe me.....that was rude. The Lord should always be first and foremost on my mind. Certainly not on things in the past. For that I ask you to forgive me.....please.
My youngest son, who is 20 was given the day off at his job for Good Friday. He asked me, "why is it called Good Friday when that's the day that Jesus died? Shouldn't it be like Bad Friday" or Dead Friday or something along those lines. I told him no, they call it Good Friday because it was His act of willingly dying for us that allows us access to the Father, and that allows the comforter to come and abide in us (Holy Spirit) and mainly it was His death that allows us to enter into fellowship with God eternally. The veil of separation has been torn open and we ARE together each and every day if we want it.....did you get that last part.....IF WE WANT IT.
For a lot of people, me included, we tend to forget about God when things are going well. When we need Him is when we really make an effort to bridge that gap. Do you really think that's a coincidence? I truly believe that like any parent, He wants the best for us, but He misses us. I'm not saying that He wants bad things to happen but, I truly believe He uses the bad things that happen to us to further His purposes in our lives. And if in the process we remember that He can help us and will pray, then all the more use it can be. For US. We were created for a purpose. I don't think that can truly be understood until we're standing in front of Him. Wow, what a moment that will be. I think about that from time to time, how will I respond, will I fall to my knees, will I hug Him, will I cry, will I sing, I think I will do all of those things and probably in that order. At least I KNOW with everything inside of me that He died for ME and everyone else. This is good even though we think death is a bad thing, I don't really think it is. For those of us in Christ, death is the ultimate VACA.....streets of gold??? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. :-)
Until next time, I hope you take a moment and think about the sacrifice that He made in order for us to have eternal life with Him. Thank you Jesus for this merciful gift. Take care of each other and don't forget to love you too. That's important if it's done properly. Love Patty
Friday, April 18, 2014
The past pokes its head, what's a girl to do?
Hello Everyone,
Did you know that it's difficult to put a child to sleep while typing? It is, just saying. That has absolutely nothing to do with my topic today, but it was "in the moment" so I thought I'd share. Now I can use capital letters and everything. Woohoo!! YAY me!!
Okay, so through this blog, I had a blast from the past return to my life. I have to admit it has me a little nervous, out of my comfort zone, intrigued all at once. As many of you already know I've been single for quite a while and I have no plans to change that at this time. But friendship, who knows, it would be nice to have a companion and someone to share daily thoughts and events with. The unfortunate part is that I'm not interested in going backwards. But, in all honesty, that's not what this is. The past is over and forgotten, but perhaps renewing a friendship would be a healing thing.
I've been kind of flighty lately, which typically, you the reader wouldn't know about. I'm fairly good at hiding my faults, at least on paper.....so to speak. However, with me needing to talk to someone more regularly, you get to see, or rather read, the part of me that still struggles with things that should have been dealt with years ago. I guess it's true, there are times, when I think as an adolescent. That's not a bad thing if it keeps you young. But what if it holds you back? Most people my age still think of themselves as they were in their younger years and like me, they look in the mirror and wonder who this old person is looking back at them. I don't want to lead you to believe I'd like to go back to those times......NO WAY!!! I've earned every stripe I have and going back I would probably do everything different and my children wouldn't be who they are and I wouldn't have the experiences I have that have made me a better person. It may not always sound true, but I am content with what I have right now, this very moment. I've been blessed with sisters that love me and encourage me and financially take care of me.....for now. I have children that love me and show up at the most needful times. Yesterday was a particular bad day for me at a point in the morning. I was standing at the kitchen sink and I turn around and there's my son with my grandson for me to take for the day. It's like I was given a gift. I wrote in my blog that I needed someone to help, so I could feel better and He sent me my grandson. Is that a blessing or what?
I will try to keep you updated on this blast from the past. Right now it's an old friend that just may need a friend, just like me. I'm thankful for the few of you who take the time to read my ramblings and I pray that someone gets what they need from my little letters. But encouragement is always welcome. In the meantime, I'll continue to bore you with my mundane life and maybe, just maybe find some perspective myself. Love Patty
Did you know that it's difficult to put a child to sleep while typing? It is, just saying. That has absolutely nothing to do with my topic today, but it was "in the moment" so I thought I'd share. Now I can use capital letters and everything. Woohoo!! YAY me!!
Okay, so through this blog, I had a blast from the past return to my life. I have to admit it has me a little nervous, out of my comfort zone, intrigued all at once. As many of you already know I've been single for quite a while and I have no plans to change that at this time. But friendship, who knows, it would be nice to have a companion and someone to share daily thoughts and events with. The unfortunate part is that I'm not interested in going backwards. But, in all honesty, that's not what this is. The past is over and forgotten, but perhaps renewing a friendship would be a healing thing.
I've been kind of flighty lately, which typically, you the reader wouldn't know about. I'm fairly good at hiding my faults, at least on paper.....so to speak. However, with me needing to talk to someone more regularly, you get to see, or rather read, the part of me that still struggles with things that should have been dealt with years ago. I guess it's true, there are times, when I think as an adolescent. That's not a bad thing if it keeps you young. But what if it holds you back? Most people my age still think of themselves as they were in their younger years and like me, they look in the mirror and wonder who this old person is looking back at them. I don't want to lead you to believe I'd like to go back to those times......NO WAY!!! I've earned every stripe I have and going back I would probably do everything different and my children wouldn't be who they are and I wouldn't have the experiences I have that have made me a better person. It may not always sound true, but I am content with what I have right now, this very moment. I've been blessed with sisters that love me and encourage me and financially take care of me.....for now. I have children that love me and show up at the most needful times. Yesterday was a particular bad day for me at a point in the morning. I was standing at the kitchen sink and I turn around and there's my son with my grandson for me to take for the day. It's like I was given a gift. I wrote in my blog that I needed someone to help, so I could feel better and He sent me my grandson. Is that a blessing or what?
I will try to keep you updated on this blast from the past. Right now it's an old friend that just may need a friend, just like me. I'm thankful for the few of you who take the time to read my ramblings and I pray that someone gets what they need from my little letters. But encouragement is always welcome. In the meantime, I'll continue to bore you with my mundane life and maybe, just maybe find some perspective myself. Love Patty
Thursday, April 17, 2014
Memories are flighty things
Hello Everyone,
Memories are a peculiar thing. They say that accident victims can only remember just before impact. That it's just something that happens to protect ourselves from reliving traumatic memories. The point of impact is too much for the mind to handle. I can believe that. It kind of makes sense in some way. I on the other hand remember the only accident I was in. I was driving down Dodge St in the pouring rain and the brakes gave out. I didn't even think about trying the emergency brake but since all the lanes were full, I had no choice but to hit the truck in front of me who just happened to have brand new, still in the box furniture in it. That accident cost me 804.77. I will never forget that number. I didn't have insurance so it took me 3 years to pay for it but I did. That was 30 years ago. I have perfect clarity.
I remember most of the rotten things I did. My memories are different than say, someone who was there at the time. My sister remembers lots of rotten things I did to her, but I don't. Well I remember some of the things as kids but not everything. She does though. Maybe that's our inner defense. Maybe we aren't meant to remember everything. Maybe......
The thing is, it doesn't really matter. I've tried for years to remember some things that happened when I was young and it's amazing what I DO remember as opposed to what I don't. I just get flashes of people and rooms and things like that. No one else can complete those flashes of memories because the others that were present are either gone or no longer a part of my life or just don't remember things at all. It gives me comfort to know that everything that is hidden will be revealed. The Lord says that. It makes me feel better as there are lots of things I'd like to have explained. But, who knows maybe by the time I get to the other side, the things I wanted explanations for will no longer matter. Right now, I have a running list of questions I need answered. And it's difficult to have to wait.
What I do understand is that all of our experiences both good and bad make up who we are today and I'm happy to be where I am right now. I don't think I would hide any of the memories I DO have. I wish the memories I don't have would be brought back with a whole lot better quality. Sometimes NOT knowing is just as difficult as knowing the ugly truth. I don't have the luxury of being in control of all the events in my life and I understand no one else does either. Maybe, just maybe things are as they should be for a reason. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept that He knows what He's doing. I will continue to pray for my eyes to be opened to the past. I honestly don't understand why certain things are hidden from me. Until then, I will fight the good fight and see what comes as a result. Blessings to you all and happy memories.
Love, Patty
Memories are a peculiar thing. They say that accident victims can only remember just before impact. That it's just something that happens to protect ourselves from reliving traumatic memories. The point of impact is too much for the mind to handle. I can believe that. It kind of makes sense in some way. I on the other hand remember the only accident I was in. I was driving down Dodge St in the pouring rain and the brakes gave out. I didn't even think about trying the emergency brake but since all the lanes were full, I had no choice but to hit the truck in front of me who just happened to have brand new, still in the box furniture in it. That accident cost me 804.77. I will never forget that number. I didn't have insurance so it took me 3 years to pay for it but I did. That was 30 years ago. I have perfect clarity.
I remember most of the rotten things I did. My memories are different than say, someone who was there at the time. My sister remembers lots of rotten things I did to her, but I don't. Well I remember some of the things as kids but not everything. She does though. Maybe that's our inner defense. Maybe we aren't meant to remember everything. Maybe......
The thing is, it doesn't really matter. I've tried for years to remember some things that happened when I was young and it's amazing what I DO remember as opposed to what I don't. I just get flashes of people and rooms and things like that. No one else can complete those flashes of memories because the others that were present are either gone or no longer a part of my life or just don't remember things at all. It gives me comfort to know that everything that is hidden will be revealed. The Lord says that. It makes me feel better as there are lots of things I'd like to have explained. But, who knows maybe by the time I get to the other side, the things I wanted explanations for will no longer matter. Right now, I have a running list of questions I need answered. And it's difficult to have to wait.
What I do understand is that all of our experiences both good and bad make up who we are today and I'm happy to be where I am right now. I don't think I would hide any of the memories I DO have. I wish the memories I don't have would be brought back with a whole lot better quality. Sometimes NOT knowing is just as difficult as knowing the ugly truth. I don't have the luxury of being in control of all the events in my life and I understand no one else does either. Maybe, just maybe things are as they should be for a reason. I don't have to like it but I do have to accept that He knows what He's doing. I will continue to pray for my eyes to be opened to the past. I honestly don't understand why certain things are hidden from me. Until then, I will fight the good fight and see what comes as a result. Blessings to you all and happy memories.
Love, Patty
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Depression Sucks
Hello Everyone,
It's midweek and I'm going through my typical Wednesday blues. Most of my week is centered on how soon I get to see Paxton, my grandson. But sometimes that isn't enough. One of the things I have been diagnosed with for years is Depression. I've battled this thing for as long as I can remember. Most of the time I can keep perspective, but not always. What does the Bible say, "healer, heal thyself"? I don't know where it's at and I don't feel like looking for it. But it feels like I'm needing to spread some good cheer or something because I really NEED it today.
That's the thing I've learned, that in order to get peace and joy through the difficulties of life.....you have to give it away first. In fact, that seems like some sort of life lesson that I continually must learn. Typing it in a blog is one thing, but living in the truth is another. I know that you have to give away everything in order to have anything worth hanging onto. Do you know what I mean? Have you gone through similar journeys? Does any of this make sense? I'm asking because I get really frustrated sometimes. It seems every time I have a legitimate complaint about some thing or some one, I always end being the one who has to ask for forgiveness. I'm the one who has to change. This isn't a new thought. The Lord and I have been going round and round on this for years. He keeps telling me (in that still quiet voice) to not worry about what He is doing with such and such or another individual. He tells me I'm to keep my thoughts on Him. The human part of me fights this for usually the entire 15 rounds. I pout and complain to family and friends and then WHAM upside my head. And once again, it's something that I have to let go of, hand over to Him. That is when I find the peace that surpasses understanding. But wait, I always end of having to ask forgiveness for my stubbornness, my anger for not handling it the way I want it handled, my pouting, my unforgiveness of others. The Lord doesn't want me to worry about how He is dealing with another individual or situation. He wants my focus on Him. When I do that, focus on the Lord, I have that peace, and eventually the joy comes again.
But, today we aren't quite there yet. I only just woke up. I'm entitled to a little pouting before I finally have to give in. I'm not ready to be joyful. I want to be frustrated and pouty and hit my head against the proverbial wall. So today, I'm asking you, the reader to pray for my adolescent mind. I'm still depressed and frustrated and apparently unwilling to follow what God says I should do. So pray for me to find a way to help someone else so I can receive the joy He has for me. Until next time, try to be good to each other and yourself. Love, Patty
It's midweek and I'm going through my typical Wednesday blues. Most of my week is centered on how soon I get to see Paxton, my grandson. But sometimes that isn't enough. One of the things I have been diagnosed with for years is Depression. I've battled this thing for as long as I can remember. Most of the time I can keep perspective, but not always. What does the Bible say, "healer, heal thyself"? I don't know where it's at and I don't feel like looking for it. But it feels like I'm needing to spread some good cheer or something because I really NEED it today.
That's the thing I've learned, that in order to get peace and joy through the difficulties of life.....you have to give it away first. In fact, that seems like some sort of life lesson that I continually must learn. Typing it in a blog is one thing, but living in the truth is another. I know that you have to give away everything in order to have anything worth hanging onto. Do you know what I mean? Have you gone through similar journeys? Does any of this make sense? I'm asking because I get really frustrated sometimes. It seems every time I have a legitimate complaint about some thing or some one, I always end being the one who has to ask for forgiveness. I'm the one who has to change. This isn't a new thought. The Lord and I have been going round and round on this for years. He keeps telling me (in that still quiet voice) to not worry about what He is doing with such and such or another individual. He tells me I'm to keep my thoughts on Him. The human part of me fights this for usually the entire 15 rounds. I pout and complain to family and friends and then WHAM upside my head. And once again, it's something that I have to let go of, hand over to Him. That is when I find the peace that surpasses understanding. But wait, I always end of having to ask forgiveness for my stubbornness, my anger for not handling it the way I want it handled, my pouting, my unforgiveness of others. The Lord doesn't want me to worry about how He is dealing with another individual or situation. He wants my focus on Him. When I do that, focus on the Lord, I have that peace, and eventually the joy comes again.
But, today we aren't quite there yet. I only just woke up. I'm entitled to a little pouting before I finally have to give in. I'm not ready to be joyful. I want to be frustrated and pouty and hit my head against the proverbial wall. So today, I'm asking you, the reader to pray for my adolescent mind. I'm still depressed and frustrated and apparently unwilling to follow what God says I should do. So pray for me to find a way to help someone else so I can receive the joy He has for me. Until next time, try to be good to each other and yourself. Love, Patty
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Gaining CONTROL and other fanciful notions
Hello Everyone
I just had to share this picture of my grandson Paxton. Sunshine does actually come out of his arse, I've seen it. My topic today isn't actually about him but couldn't help myself this one time.
I had to put his picture up because starting out my day with his little face always makes me feel better and I'd rather feel better than complain about stuff I have no control over.
Ok, so as someone who has pretty much had to take care of herself most of her life, being out of "control" of financial decisions is just killing me. Not really, but I feel that way sometimes. Believe me when I say this year so far has been a real test of faith and losing control. I have to admit I have been a control freak most of my life. Just ask my ex-husband, my real ex-husband, not the one I was married to for 3 years. He doesn't count. I mean the father of my children. He was no saint believe me, but I was the most domineering, control freak, suspicious woman on the planet. Truly I was. It's no surprise he cheated because he certainly wasn't getting anything from me. But, on the other hand I do have an unusual amount of intuition that is at least 95% of the time correct. My last boyfriend will attest to the fact that I knew every time he was up to no good. Hence, why he is my ex-boyfriend. LOL. I laugh, but it's all so true and really pretty sad. It's difficult to be in a relationship that has no trust and the butterflies in your stomach are there because you sense wrongness in your life.
Waiting for the bomb to drop is no way to live. Actually if you look at the news at all, most of America is waiting for that to happen. The good news is that I read the book (Bible) and I know how it ends so the headlines don't scare me. I wouldn't trade that knowledge for all the money in the world.
Taking control of my life is such a fanciful notion that it's literally laughable. I am in no position to control anything. Even if it's handed to me. One of the things that's happened as a result of not having the reigns of control is that it terrifies me to take them back. If for some reason, I was to have to take charge of my life and all the decisions that are made I would probably experience panic attacks, at the very least. Every time I took control of my life, I screwed it up. But now, because I give up on control, I'm more at peace. I believe I said the other day that I could fall backwards and be caught. Or something along that line. I technically am not going to test that theory literally because if I was to just randomly fall backwards it would be kind of crazy. Don't you think so? Plus there's all this physical pain and such.....it's just not a good plan so I'll avoid that. ;-)
There is a silver lining in all this lacking of control. I don't have to worry about stuff. I don't have to do anything but pay taxes and eventually die. I don't have a problem with either of those things. Whatever happens between now and then is up to God. Every time in my life something awful occurred due to my mishandling of things, I see the redemption and why God allowed it to happen in the first place. I see His hand in all the good in my life. Every bump in the road He used to further my knowledge and understanding. He showed me His mark in my life at every bad choice I made. Isn't it easier to just let Him take the reigns? So today, I am choosing to lose control of my life. Instead I think I'll just ponder some of my blessings like the picture of the little guy I posted. To all of you out there who take the time to read my musings, consider letting go.....you'll be surprised where He'll take you. The journey will be justified in the end. Thank God! Be good to each other and yourself and don't forget, you're worth more than you imagine. Love, Patty
I just had to share this picture of my grandson Paxton. Sunshine does actually come out of his arse, I've seen it. My topic today isn't actually about him but couldn't help myself this one time.
I had to put his picture up because starting out my day with his little face always makes me feel better and I'd rather feel better than complain about stuff I have no control over.
Ok, so as someone who has pretty much had to take care of herself most of her life, being out of "control" of financial decisions is just killing me. Not really, but I feel that way sometimes. Believe me when I say this year so far has been a real test of faith and losing control. I have to admit I have been a control freak most of my life. Just ask my ex-husband, my real ex-husband, not the one I was married to for 3 years. He doesn't count. I mean the father of my children. He was no saint believe me, but I was the most domineering, control freak, suspicious woman on the planet. Truly I was. It's no surprise he cheated because he certainly wasn't getting anything from me. But, on the other hand I do have an unusual amount of intuition that is at least 95% of the time correct. My last boyfriend will attest to the fact that I knew every time he was up to no good. Hence, why he is my ex-boyfriend. LOL. I laugh, but it's all so true and really pretty sad. It's difficult to be in a relationship that has no trust and the butterflies in your stomach are there because you sense wrongness in your life.
Waiting for the bomb to drop is no way to live. Actually if you look at the news at all, most of America is waiting for that to happen. The good news is that I read the book (Bible) and I know how it ends so the headlines don't scare me. I wouldn't trade that knowledge for all the money in the world.
Taking control of my life is such a fanciful notion that it's literally laughable. I am in no position to control anything. Even if it's handed to me. One of the things that's happened as a result of not having the reigns of control is that it terrifies me to take them back. If for some reason, I was to have to take charge of my life and all the decisions that are made I would probably experience panic attacks, at the very least. Every time I took control of my life, I screwed it up. But now, because I give up on control, I'm more at peace. I believe I said the other day that I could fall backwards and be caught. Or something along that line. I technically am not going to test that theory literally because if I was to just randomly fall backwards it would be kind of crazy. Don't you think so? Plus there's all this physical pain and such.....it's just not a good plan so I'll avoid that. ;-)
There is a silver lining in all this lacking of control. I don't have to worry about stuff. I don't have to do anything but pay taxes and eventually die. I don't have a problem with either of those things. Whatever happens between now and then is up to God. Every time in my life something awful occurred due to my mishandling of things, I see the redemption and why God allowed it to happen in the first place. I see His hand in all the good in my life. Every bump in the road He used to further my knowledge and understanding. He showed me His mark in my life at every bad choice I made. Isn't it easier to just let Him take the reigns? So today, I am choosing to lose control of my life. Instead I think I'll just ponder some of my blessings like the picture of the little guy I posted. To all of you out there who take the time to read my musings, consider letting go.....you'll be surprised where He'll take you. The journey will be justified in the end. Thank God! Be good to each other and yourself and don't forget, you're worth more than you imagine. Love, Patty
Monday, April 14, 2014
I'm not worth it and other lies!
Hello Everyone,
I'd like to write about what everyone struggles with......themselves. The lies they've been told and believed. The way we belittle ourselves and think that's being humble. Have you found yourself saying to yourself, in your head......you idiot, why would you do that? Or perhaps, telling yourself, you can't do that because it's too hard or you're too fat or not smart enough or not good enough to be loved or not pretty enough or you deserve to be suffering? As someone who has thought all these thoughts and more, I'm here to tell you, it's lies, all lies.
I spent the better part of 50 years believing I deserve to be treated badly. It doesn't matter why I felt that way. My story is no more difficult than your own. We spend most of our lives depriving ourselves of the most fundamental needs of any person with a soul. As a person with a soul, I require LOVE, forgiveness, the ability to forgive others, an accurate self knowledge, the ability to trust others and to be trusted myself. And all that just scratches the surface. What about proper nutrition, not feel good food or drugs or alcohol? I spent the better part of my 50 years trying to avoid my own company. I used whatever it took to avoid me. I KNEW I was NOT someone worth dying for. When I see others who feel that way, it enrages me due to the injustice of it all.
I was really drunk one night and was fighting with my boyfriend and I decided since he wouldn't leave my place, that I would call "The Open Door Mission" and become homeless so I could straighten out my head. As it turned out, their phones automatically rang into a place called "The Spring Center" when after their own business hours. Somehow, beyond all understanding I happened to reach the Director of this center. We talked on the phone that early morning for 2 1/2 hours. She offered me a job and I took it. Keep in mind I was drunk when I called her and was preparing to become homeless. The Spring Center is no longer open due to a lack of funding but while it was open, it changed my life. I found out that the best way to heal myself of all the lies that broke me down was to help others see the truth for themselves. It was my job to show them the truth. Not in a biblical way, after all, they were government funded. It was my job to show them ways to gain self esteem and to help them see they were worth taking care of. I watched homeless turn their lives around and become leaders in their communities. That job changed me. I learned I was intelligent and because I had experienced most of what brought people to the Center in the first place, it made me uniquely qualified to see the brokenness that was inside.
I continued in the same sort of field of work until about a year ago, when it became physically impossible for me to continue to work. Was all of that serendipity? Luck? Spiritual? Yes, it was all of that and more. That time in my life prepared me for this 7 years of my reawakening. I KNOW how to be alone and not be lonely. Do you? Can I help? Take care of each other and yourself. You never know what might be the catalyst that changes your life. Love, Patty
I'd like to write about what everyone struggles with......themselves. The lies they've been told and believed. The way we belittle ourselves and think that's being humble. Have you found yourself saying to yourself, in your head......you idiot, why would you do that? Or perhaps, telling yourself, you can't do that because it's too hard or you're too fat or not smart enough or not good enough to be loved or not pretty enough or you deserve to be suffering? As someone who has thought all these thoughts and more, I'm here to tell you, it's lies, all lies.
I spent the better part of 50 years believing I deserve to be treated badly. It doesn't matter why I felt that way. My story is no more difficult than your own. We spend most of our lives depriving ourselves of the most fundamental needs of any person with a soul. As a person with a soul, I require LOVE, forgiveness, the ability to forgive others, an accurate self knowledge, the ability to trust others and to be trusted myself. And all that just scratches the surface. What about proper nutrition, not feel good food or drugs or alcohol? I spent the better part of my 50 years trying to avoid my own company. I used whatever it took to avoid me. I KNEW I was NOT someone worth dying for. When I see others who feel that way, it enrages me due to the injustice of it all.
I was really drunk one night and was fighting with my boyfriend and I decided since he wouldn't leave my place, that I would call "The Open Door Mission" and become homeless so I could straighten out my head. As it turned out, their phones automatically rang into a place called "The Spring Center" when after their own business hours. Somehow, beyond all understanding I happened to reach the Director of this center. We talked on the phone that early morning for 2 1/2 hours. She offered me a job and I took it. Keep in mind I was drunk when I called her and was preparing to become homeless. The Spring Center is no longer open due to a lack of funding but while it was open, it changed my life. I found out that the best way to heal myself of all the lies that broke me down was to help others see the truth for themselves. It was my job to show them the truth. Not in a biblical way, after all, they were government funded. It was my job to show them ways to gain self esteem and to help them see they were worth taking care of. I watched homeless turn their lives around and become leaders in their communities. That job changed me. I learned I was intelligent and because I had experienced most of what brought people to the Center in the first place, it made me uniquely qualified to see the brokenness that was inside.
I continued in the same sort of field of work until about a year ago, when it became physically impossible for me to continue to work. Was all of that serendipity? Luck? Spiritual? Yes, it was all of that and more. That time in my life prepared me for this 7 years of my reawakening. I KNOW how to be alone and not be lonely. Do you? Can I help? Take care of each other and yourself. You never know what might be the catalyst that changes your life. Love, Patty
Sunday, April 13, 2014
I thought this weekend was Easter....what's a grandma to do?
Hello Everyone,
I know I'm getting a late start to things, but never let it be said that I wasn't able to find a little bit of something something to spread some good cheer.
We have developed a kind of schedule......my kids and I. My son comes over with my daughter on Monday nights and I try to find something to cook and they watch WWE (wrestling), for those of us who haven't a clue about this....lol. It gives me an opportunity to catch up on their lives. My son Isaac is especially difficult to tie down. For somebody who isn't involved with a girlfriend anymore, he sure does manage to stay busy. My Mary is pregnant and we will know the sex of her baby on her next Dr. visit. We are all VERY excited about this. My youngest son Ben and his fiancee' come over on Saturdays, leave my grandson Paxton with me and then come back on Sundays to pick him up.
Now, I get to have a moment of being a proud grandma. My grandson who is only 6 months old is already doing the army crawl. Let me tell you he is quick! :-) Plus, he sits up by himself.....he's going to be an athletic prodigy. Which honestly, wouldn't surprise me a bit because both his dad and mom were athletes in school. I am anxious to meet the newest one who is due on September 16th. There will be NO comparisons but something tells me they will be equally intelligent because I only made intelligent children. Hooray for my side, I'm a darn good kid.
There is another benefit to having young ones around also. It gives me an excellent excuse to watch cute Disney movies and other animated movies. The newest one being the movie Frozen. Believe it or not the voice of the sister Elsa is the same gal (Idina Menzel, I hope I spelled that right) who played Maureen in the first movie version of "Rent", which I absolutely adored. Her voice gives me goose bumps....no kidding.
The thing is, if I'm going to be honest and I tend to be honest as much as possible, I'd have to say that these kids make some of the most mundane things joyful again. I find myself singing a lot to Paxton, and he sleeps like a dream for me. His little head lays down on my shoulder and it's like magic. He is absolutely relaxed and I am too. I thought this weekend was Easter, and it's not. This explains why my son and daughter in law looked at me so oddly....lol. But it did remind me that a really good friend of mine is considered a completed Jew. She is 100% Jewish, yet she also believes that Jesus is the Messiah and she's getting ready for their Passover celebration. It stands to reason that this is something every believer should experience at least once in their lifetime. I however, have not and I'm wishing I could be there with her physically. I will be posting again before these take place, but just in case, Remember the passover and don't forget that Easter has nothing to do with bunnies. Love each other and don't fear, your redeemer draweth nigh. Love, Patty
I know I'm getting a late start to things, but never let it be said that I wasn't able to find a little bit of something something to spread some good cheer.
We have developed a kind of schedule......my kids and I. My son comes over with my daughter on Monday nights and I try to find something to cook and they watch WWE (wrestling), for those of us who haven't a clue about this....lol. It gives me an opportunity to catch up on their lives. My son Isaac is especially difficult to tie down. For somebody who isn't involved with a girlfriend anymore, he sure does manage to stay busy. My Mary is pregnant and we will know the sex of her baby on her next Dr. visit. We are all VERY excited about this. My youngest son Ben and his fiancee' come over on Saturdays, leave my grandson Paxton with me and then come back on Sundays to pick him up.
Now, I get to have a moment of being a proud grandma. My grandson who is only 6 months old is already doing the army crawl. Let me tell you he is quick! :-) Plus, he sits up by himself.....he's going to be an athletic prodigy. Which honestly, wouldn't surprise me a bit because both his dad and mom were athletes in school. I am anxious to meet the newest one who is due on September 16th. There will be NO comparisons but something tells me they will be equally intelligent because I only made intelligent children. Hooray for my side, I'm a darn good kid.
There is another benefit to having young ones around also. It gives me an excellent excuse to watch cute Disney movies and other animated movies. The newest one being the movie Frozen. Believe it or not the voice of the sister Elsa is the same gal (Idina Menzel, I hope I spelled that right) who played Maureen in the first movie version of "Rent", which I absolutely adored. Her voice gives me goose bumps....no kidding.
The thing is, if I'm going to be honest and I tend to be honest as much as possible, I'd have to say that these kids make some of the most mundane things joyful again. I find myself singing a lot to Paxton, and he sleeps like a dream for me. His little head lays down on my shoulder and it's like magic. He is absolutely relaxed and I am too. I thought this weekend was Easter, and it's not. This explains why my son and daughter in law looked at me so oddly....lol. But it did remind me that a really good friend of mine is considered a completed Jew. She is 100% Jewish, yet she also believes that Jesus is the Messiah and she's getting ready for their Passover celebration. It stands to reason that this is something every believer should experience at least once in their lifetime. I however, have not and I'm wishing I could be there with her physically. I will be posting again before these take place, but just in case, Remember the passover and don't forget that Easter has nothing to do with bunnies. Love each other and don't fear, your redeemer draweth nigh. Love, Patty
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Let's talk about relationships
Hello Everyone,
Before I get into my thoughts on relationships I first want to clear up something that I said in a previous post. For the record, I am NO longer a night owl. That's right, I've switched to the day side (not dark side). Believe me when I tell you I have no idea how this happened. I moved from Omaha back to Blair and I instantly became a day person. All I can say about that is that you're never too old to learn new tricks. LOL.
Ok, yeah, I have no idea where that came from either....let's call that a glitch in the matrix, or perhaps the force is strong with me, haha. Ok, let's talk relationships. I have been single for the past 7 years or so. Not even a date. This has been a conscious choice. Do you have any idea how much this scares me? I can say that I honestly don't feel like I have to have someone in my life romantically. However, the question is......wait for it....why not? I could say it's because my life is full with my kids and the grandkids, which is true. I could say that my relationship with the Lord fulfills me, which is true when I actually make the effort. I could say a lot of things but would any of those excuses be true? Are they excuses? I think they are excuses.
When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I'm just plain scared. My body's been battered both in my younger years and the most recent relationship I ran away from 7 years ago. I am able to hold my own on that now, pain be damned. I WILL fight back, as my most recent ex would tell you. I got scars but he was just plain shocked. I'll never forget the look on his face......lol. It's not amusing at all, but it is peculiar. But, that's not what I'm afraid of.
Have you ever gave to another human being all that you are?? Just trusted with the utmost trust? No, I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been able to do that. I have learned why this is true, but then, I turn 50 this next month. I'm certainly not stupid. I have a boatload of experience that goes with that 50 years. But here's the thing. I'm learning more about love through my relationship with my grandbaby then with any other human being I've encountered. He is teaching me to trust, to love with ALL of me. He's teaching me it's okay to be vunerable. I can fall backwards and know I'll be caught. I have family that love me completely. My children teach me about love on a daily basis. So what is my problem?? I don't know, maybe with enough teaching I'll be able to trust another person in my older years. But, my older years haven't come yet. LOL, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. In the meantime, take care of each other and yourself. Love Patty
Before I get into my thoughts on relationships I first want to clear up something that I said in a previous post. For the record, I am NO longer a night owl. That's right, I've switched to the day side (not dark side). Believe me when I tell you I have no idea how this happened. I moved from Omaha back to Blair and I instantly became a day person. All I can say about that is that you're never too old to learn new tricks. LOL.
Ok, yeah, I have no idea where that came from either....let's call that a glitch in the matrix, or perhaps the force is strong with me, haha. Ok, let's talk relationships. I have been single for the past 7 years or so. Not even a date. This has been a conscious choice. Do you have any idea how much this scares me? I can say that I honestly don't feel like I have to have someone in my life romantically. However, the question is......wait for it....why not? I could say it's because my life is full with my kids and the grandkids, which is true. I could say that my relationship with the Lord fulfills me, which is true when I actually make the effort. I could say a lot of things but would any of those excuses be true? Are they excuses? I think they are excuses.
When it comes to relationships with the opposite sex, I'm just plain scared. My body's been battered both in my younger years and the most recent relationship I ran away from 7 years ago. I am able to hold my own on that now, pain be damned. I WILL fight back, as my most recent ex would tell you. I got scars but he was just plain shocked. I'll never forget the look on his face......lol. It's not amusing at all, but it is peculiar. But, that's not what I'm afraid of.
Have you ever gave to another human being all that you are?? Just trusted with the utmost trust? No, I can honestly say I don't think I have ever been able to do that. I have learned why this is true, but then, I turn 50 this next month. I'm certainly not stupid. I have a boatload of experience that goes with that 50 years. But here's the thing. I'm learning more about love through my relationship with my grandbaby then with any other human being I've encountered. He is teaching me to trust, to love with ALL of me. He's teaching me it's okay to be vunerable. I can fall backwards and know I'll be caught. I have family that love me completely. My children teach me about love on a daily basis. So what is my problem?? I don't know, maybe with enough teaching I'll be able to trust another person in my older years. But, my older years haven't come yet. LOL, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. In the meantime, take care of each other and yourself. Love Patty
Friday, April 11, 2014
Great overall morning
Hello Everyone,
I'm trying to be more consistent with my blog posts. I'm pretty excited that I was able to get out for a bit this morning and check out some garage sales. I picked up a couple of really cute summer dresses for myself and a really nice stroller for my daughter's baby or just for Grandma's house. We will be filled with grandchildren tomorrow afternoon. Life is good, but really hard too. As much as I ADORE having my grandkids, it takes it's toll on my body. But, that's another blog......not today.
One of the things that occur as your children get to be adults is that they cease to need you as a parent. This truth has been especially difficult for me to accept. I never thought I would suffer from the dreaded "empty nest syndrome" but I certainly have suffered. Something that I try to tell myself is that no news is good news. Unfortunately, that doesn't always help. When I DO get to spend some time with them, I tend to get sleepy. I think this is due to the fact that my worry switch is turned off and my sleep is more restful. So I say....bring on the kids!!
I wonder if the Lord struggles with his children not keeping in touch with Him? I understand that He knows all. He knows our choices before we do. I realize that for myself, that no news is good news but it doesn't help too much because I still miss them. I wonder if the Lord misses me when I don't speak to Him for a day or more? I forget that even though my earthly parents have both passed on, I still have a parent, albeit a holy parent, but a parent nonetheless that patiently waits for me to open the lines of communication. This is welcome news but it doesn't always stay at the front of my brain. I, like most people I know let my worries of the day come take me away. This causes a LOT of discomfort both physically and mentally. I guess I should practice what I preach and "cast my anxieties upon Him, because He cares about me" I Peter 5:7. I guess I will relax, for this day has been very good to me and I don't want to blow it. ;-). Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. You're loved!! Patty
I'm trying to be more consistent with my blog posts. I'm pretty excited that I was able to get out for a bit this morning and check out some garage sales. I picked up a couple of really cute summer dresses for myself and a really nice stroller for my daughter's baby or just for Grandma's house. We will be filled with grandchildren tomorrow afternoon. Life is good, but really hard too. As much as I ADORE having my grandkids, it takes it's toll on my body. But, that's another blog......not today.
One of the things that occur as your children get to be adults is that they cease to need you as a parent. This truth has been especially difficult for me to accept. I never thought I would suffer from the dreaded "empty nest syndrome" but I certainly have suffered. Something that I try to tell myself is that no news is good news. Unfortunately, that doesn't always help. When I DO get to spend some time with them, I tend to get sleepy. I think this is due to the fact that my worry switch is turned off and my sleep is more restful. So I say....bring on the kids!!
I wonder if the Lord struggles with his children not keeping in touch with Him? I understand that He knows all. He knows our choices before we do. I realize that for myself, that no news is good news but it doesn't help too much because I still miss them. I wonder if the Lord misses me when I don't speak to Him for a day or more? I forget that even though my earthly parents have both passed on, I still have a parent, albeit a holy parent, but a parent nonetheless that patiently waits for me to open the lines of communication. This is welcome news but it doesn't always stay at the front of my brain. I, like most people I know let my worries of the day come take me away. This causes a LOT of discomfort both physically and mentally. I guess I should practice what I preach and "cast my anxieties upon Him, because He cares about me" I Peter 5:7. I guess I will relax, for this day has been very good to me and I don't want to blow it. ;-). Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. You're loved!! Patty
Thursday, April 10, 2014
A little bit of Spring Fever
Hello everyone,
Today is a beautiful spring day in the Omaha/Blair area. I just got back from my first garage sale of the season and I'm SO excited to have them back. You have no idea how much of my daily living items are bought at garage sales. Life is SO good. I'm really excited because tomorrow is my night with my grandson who just turned 6 months old. I just love that little guy so much. My daughter and I got to spend some time together outside of the apartment and just enjoyed each other's company. It's amazing how much different we are toward each other now that she is an adult, and a pregnant one at that. Today I got to see the crib that my sister bought for my daughter. It is so beautiful, thank you so much Michelle for looking out for my daughter. You are truly a gift from God.
I'm dealing with a little bit of spring fever today. I only wish my body was in sync with my mind. :-) This kind of weather always takes me back in time. When I was younger, I drove down these same streets hooking up with friends or a boyfriend and we would drive around and drink beer or get into some sort of trouble. I remember this guy I dated, I won't name him but he and another friend took me to this place over in Desoto Bend in Iowa called "Leech Lake". That name probably wasn't its official name, but I believed it was full of leeches anyway. We were in a canoe. That would be the first and last time I ever experienced a canoe. Of course, being guys, they had to rock the boat. I can remember being scared half to death that we would end up in the water. It looked like there were trees in the water, or bushes or something. It's a pleasant memory now, but at the time, yeah, not so much. I still see those guys every now and then. It's nice to have a piece of my youth in the faces of people in my community.
Unfortunately, my body doesn't like to allow me to do the things I used to do or even the things I need to do. I deal with physical pain on a daily basis as a lot of you know and am waiting for my hearing to have my disability approved. So, if you pray, please pray for a speedy hearing. It would be really nice to have the proper medications to improve my quality of life. That won't happen unless I have some sort of income or insurance or something, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know it's a beautiful day and I am sitting with the windows open and enjoying the breeze. I may not have much, but I have everything I need by the grace of God. Many blessings to you out there wherever you may be. Be good to each other and yourself. We are the light of the world, so SHINE. Patty
Today is a beautiful spring day in the Omaha/Blair area. I just got back from my first garage sale of the season and I'm SO excited to have them back. You have no idea how much of my daily living items are bought at garage sales. Life is SO good. I'm really excited because tomorrow is my night with my grandson who just turned 6 months old. I just love that little guy so much. My daughter and I got to spend some time together outside of the apartment and just enjoyed each other's company. It's amazing how much different we are toward each other now that she is an adult, and a pregnant one at that. Today I got to see the crib that my sister bought for my daughter. It is so beautiful, thank you so much Michelle for looking out for my daughter. You are truly a gift from God.
I'm dealing with a little bit of spring fever today. I only wish my body was in sync with my mind. :-) This kind of weather always takes me back in time. When I was younger, I drove down these same streets hooking up with friends or a boyfriend and we would drive around and drink beer or get into some sort of trouble. I remember this guy I dated, I won't name him but he and another friend took me to this place over in Desoto Bend in Iowa called "Leech Lake". That name probably wasn't its official name, but I believed it was full of leeches anyway. We were in a canoe. That would be the first and last time I ever experienced a canoe. Of course, being guys, they had to rock the boat. I can remember being scared half to death that we would end up in the water. It looked like there were trees in the water, or bushes or something. It's a pleasant memory now, but at the time, yeah, not so much. I still see those guys every now and then. It's nice to have a piece of my youth in the faces of people in my community.
Unfortunately, my body doesn't like to allow me to do the things I used to do or even the things I need to do. I deal with physical pain on a daily basis as a lot of you know and am waiting for my hearing to have my disability approved. So, if you pray, please pray for a speedy hearing. It would be really nice to have the proper medications to improve my quality of life. That won't happen unless I have some sort of income or insurance or something, you know? Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know it's a beautiful day and I am sitting with the windows open and enjoying the breeze. I may not have much, but I have everything I need by the grace of God. Many blessings to you out there wherever you may be. Be good to each other and yourself. We are the light of the world, so SHINE. Patty
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
My "Thankful Box"
Hello Everyone,
Today marks a new beginning for me. Today I have a fresh start so to speak. Things are changing in my living space and I'm really looking forward to the changes. There are so many things I'm thankful for today. In fact, I've started a thankful box. It's really just an old shoe box that I've covered with little sayings and pictures cut out of magazines. Every time something happens that makes me thankful, I write it on a piece of paper and fold it and place it in my thankful box. Every now and then, I have a bad day as most of us do. It's very healing for me to open up that box and read through some of the things that have blessed me so far this year. It truly helps when I'm down.
I've been surprised when rereading these little slips of paper by what I was thankful for in previous days. It becomes apparent to me that I don't always recognize when I SHOULD be thankful. I have been without income since the first of the year. I mean this literally. Yet, I can say with all seriousness that all my needs are met and even some of my wants. Is this incredible or what?? I've even been given things I didn't even know I needed before I actually came to realize it's significance.
I'm learning that it's the little things that are so important. My grandchildren, a smile, a gift given and a gift received. A goosebump moment when you KNOW you are being blessed with the presence of the Holy Spirit. A friend leaving a message of encouragement on facebook.....lol. It's amazing to me the people who are willing to pray when you ask for it. One of my most favorite verses out of the bible is in Psalms, chapter 138:8 when God states "He will accomplish what concerns me." That verse has sustained me in the best and worst of times. My prayer for you, the reader, is that you would believe that verse speaks to you as well.
My goal is to keep this blog going and I know it's lacking in so many ways. It's not colorful or full of great pictures or recipes but I hope it gives you perspective in the everyday. As always, I appreciate any comments or criticisms anyone may have. Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. Patty
Today marks a new beginning for me. Today I have a fresh start so to speak. Things are changing in my living space and I'm really looking forward to the changes. There are so many things I'm thankful for today. In fact, I've started a thankful box. It's really just an old shoe box that I've covered with little sayings and pictures cut out of magazines. Every time something happens that makes me thankful, I write it on a piece of paper and fold it and place it in my thankful box. Every now and then, I have a bad day as most of us do. It's very healing for me to open up that box and read through some of the things that have blessed me so far this year. It truly helps when I'm down.
I've been surprised when rereading these little slips of paper by what I was thankful for in previous days. It becomes apparent to me that I don't always recognize when I SHOULD be thankful. I have been without income since the first of the year. I mean this literally. Yet, I can say with all seriousness that all my needs are met and even some of my wants. Is this incredible or what?? I've even been given things I didn't even know I needed before I actually came to realize it's significance.
I'm learning that it's the little things that are so important. My grandchildren, a smile, a gift given and a gift received. A goosebump moment when you KNOW you are being blessed with the presence of the Holy Spirit. A friend leaving a message of encouragement on facebook.....lol. It's amazing to me the people who are willing to pray when you ask for it. One of my most favorite verses out of the bible is in Psalms, chapter 138:8 when God states "He will accomplish what concerns me." That verse has sustained me in the best and worst of times. My prayer for you, the reader, is that you would believe that verse speaks to you as well.
My goal is to keep this blog going and I know it's lacking in so many ways. It's not colorful or full of great pictures or recipes but I hope it gives you perspective in the everyday. As always, I appreciate any comments or criticisms anyone may have. Until next time, be good to each other and yourself. Patty
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
What I didn't do
Hello, I'm having one of those moments when you just need to express it somehow. It doesn't really matter to whom or if it's even read. But having it out here makes me feel a little better and somehow not so lonely. Once again, I've been schooled on my parenting practices, or lack thereof. Here is my big question. How do you go back and instill in your children confidence and practicality? How do you make your adult children understand that .....I did it all wrong. I'm sorry, please learn from my mistakes. I'm tired and needing to sleep but I will let you know if anything marvelous comes of this.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)