Solitude sucks!

Hello Everyone,

Recently I had a big change in my life. A change I thought that would be sort of welcoming. I've been telling myself for the last 7 or 8 years that I've come to enjoy my own company. I seek out my alone time. I got to say, what a crock I've been feeding myself.

My daughter and her husband and my granddaughter moved out of state this past weekend. I can count on my two hands how many days I've spent without seeing my little Emma. It's not like I won't miss my daughter or her husband, because I will. But, my time with Emma was very precious to me. It's only been one full day and it already sucks. I see myself in this apt and wonder if this is all there is left? Have I really become comfortable being alone?

I can tell you that I will be spending a lot more time with my grandsons, Pax and Dean. They're here in my community now and that makes me very thankful. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for them being local.
The thing is, I have built this wall that makes me invincible to the arrows of life. I can't be hurt too bad because I've cut out almost everyone in my life. I have a sister that's local and another that's 25 miles away. But, without a car, travel of any sort is difficult. There are no taxi's in this little community. I haven't been "Patty in Omaha" for over 2 years now. I also have family in other states that I miss daily but I've learned to live without them being a part of my daily life. You adjust, you have to, no choice. This isn't how I pictured my life at 51 years old. If the truth be told, I never thought I'd live to be this age. I didn't treat myself very well on my way here.

I have these things I want to do. Things I'd like to try, like knitting, or painting. Who knows, maybe I'd be good at it. My mother was. I need to find something to fill up my life. Not just Netflix and books. I may be disabled but that shouldn't mean I'm unable. And I shouldn't forget my first love, The Lord. Unfortunately, I talk a good talk, but forget to walk the good walk. Thankfully, He doesn't hold a grudge. That's really all I have to say for now. Love the people in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.....Love, Patty

We are spiritual beings

Hello Everyone,

I've had a lot on my mind recently. I've been going through all of the necessary tests that one takes when they reach that golden age of 50. So far, things are going well with only one more test to endure. Hurrah for my side. Sometimes the most difficult tests we go through have nothing to do with medicine or school.

Learning to live outside of your emotions is one of the most difficult challenges we face as individuals. It's hard to separate how we feel from who we really are. We think because something upsets us that we are entitled to that feeling of being upset. I beg to disagree. We are spiritual beings I believe. As spiritual beings it's important to remember that this life is but a brief space in time when compared to eternity. When we die, as we all do, we change into who we were meant to be. We were created in the image of God. We are not governed by time or emotion or our circumstances. Love should be our greatest endeavor, our most fervent passion, the thing we strive for the most. I'm not talking about passionate love that one feels physically for another person. I'm talking about the kind of love that sheds light so bright that the darkness cannot even comprehend it.

I'm not going to say this is something I'm working diligently on. But, I should be. This is more than perspective, it's a reality that most of us haven't even comprehended let alone put into practice. The idea that I don't have to live in any typical emotion is still very foreign to me. But I really want to learn how to transcend these moments and live as I was meant to, as a spiritual being.

I believe that there are pieces that can be taken from different "schools of thought" from around the world of beliefs that can help us to realize this major truth. I believe that meditation would be very helpful in my search to love. I believe that most "religions" have a little bit of truth in them. Little nuggets of wisdom that we close ourselves off to out of fear.

I'm talking about love that doesn't require forgiveness because we've never counted it against us in the first place. Am I making any sense? Perfect love......it's worth looking into don't you think?

Typically I would end my rantings with one of my favorite verses from the Bible but tonight I have my mind working overtime and I need to shut it off and get some rest. So until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty