Hello Everyone,
Well this is my 100th post on this blog. I've enjoyed the opportunity to express myself even if there aren't many of you out there reading this. It's therapeutic for me regardless. I would, however like to share some positive things that are going on in my life. I've spent quite a bit of time sharing my frustrations and depression episodes and things similar, in hopes that my words would encourage someone dealing with the same type of feelings I have. It helps to know you're not alone when experiencing depression. That someone out there understands and that it's okay and even healthy to talk about it. I think it's important to be genuine. I'm not always happy, but I'm not always sad and depressed either. I think it's time for some of the good.
As many of you know, I recently moved into a main level apt with only one bedroom. This has been the most positive thing I've done for myself in a long time. I have to give a shout out to my sister who lives here in town close by. She's got some of the strangest ideas when it comes to decorating that just seem to work. I mean who would think to use an old fashioned blinged out dress as wall decoration? She does and it works! She has me rethinking some of my standards and shaking things up a bit. Now, I don't have a dress hanging on my wall but I do have a scarf that's outlining some pictures that looks fabulous. I think my fish likes it too. I have another sister who's about 20 miles away and her and her husband just bought a house and now she gets to start over on her decorating. Changing just a few things in a room can alter it in a way that what once was "a little much" to "warm and inviting", she gets to start from scratch. It's exciting. When I walk through my apt door, I automatically feel good to be HOME. There's just something about the smaller more compact apt that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Today as I sat here at home with my blinds open watching the snow fall for the first time this season, I was overcome by how many blessings I've received this year. Some of them weren't even asked for. I'm humbled when I realize how much of the negative I have focused on. It's genuine alright, but it shouldn't be. I am the only one who can make that decision. The decision to be content with what I've been given. My prayer for all of you and myself is that we will all become active participants in learning to be content and at peace wherever our station in life may be.
Tonight I leave you with an appropriate verse in Hebrews 13: 5b ".....being content with what you have, for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you."" Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.......Love, Patty
This blog will be about daily life and some things I've learned along the way. I hope it interests you, entertains you or otherwise, helps you keep perspective!
Friday, November 20, 2015
Thursday, October 29, 2015
I AM CHOSEN!!
Hello Everyone,
It's hard to believe that we're nearing the end of October of 2015. Truth be told, I never expected to live this long. I treated myself badly for years. For those of you younger than I....take note. You will pay later for what you put your body through now. Some people just have good genes I guess. I must not be one of them. But, that doesn't have to define who we are today. I know I say that sort of thing a lot these days but it's true. I look back on my younger years and see the choices I made and the stupid things I believed and how I allowed others to treat me. I wish I could talk to her....my younger self. Let her know how many regrets she would have later. Tell her to think more and act less. Be silent, listen, be still.
I feel that way about my family and loved ones too. I see things in my children that I wish I could just download my experiences into their data banks and have them learn by osmosis. We are a lot like computers it's true, but not enough and that is a very good thing. What we failed to know then is what made us who we are now. That my dear is not a mistake. We can't pick and choose our mistakes from the past and most of us wouldn't anyway. We know that if only one of those things didn't occur, it would change everything....everything that we are now. I have to believe that all that I am is for a reason. There is something special about me. There is something in me worth dying for. I am a precious daughter of the Almighty God. I am chosen and elected and adopted as one of HIS. I would be a better use to Him if I remember who I am and where I'm going and what is truly important in this life of ours. A little reminder of this is found in I Thess. 1:4-5a "knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you; for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and with the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; "
I wish for you all to be blessed and until we meet again remember to Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, with love, Patty
It's hard to believe that we're nearing the end of October of 2015. Truth be told, I never expected to live this long. I treated myself badly for years. For those of you younger than I....take note. You will pay later for what you put your body through now. Some people just have good genes I guess. I must not be one of them. But, that doesn't have to define who we are today. I know I say that sort of thing a lot these days but it's true. I look back on my younger years and see the choices I made and the stupid things I believed and how I allowed others to treat me. I wish I could talk to her....my younger self. Let her know how many regrets she would have later. Tell her to think more and act less. Be silent, listen, be still.
I feel that way about my family and loved ones too. I see things in my children that I wish I could just download my experiences into their data banks and have them learn by osmosis. We are a lot like computers it's true, but not enough and that is a very good thing. What we failed to know then is what made us who we are now. That my dear is not a mistake. We can't pick and choose our mistakes from the past and most of us wouldn't anyway. We know that if only one of those things didn't occur, it would change everything....everything that we are now. I have to believe that all that I am is for a reason. There is something special about me. There is something in me worth dying for. I am a precious daughter of the Almighty God. I am chosen and elected and adopted as one of HIS. I would be a better use to Him if I remember who I am and where I'm going and what is truly important in this life of ours. A little reminder of this is found in I Thess. 1:4-5a "knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you; for our gospel did not come to you in word only, but also in power and with the Holy Spirit and with full conviction; "
I wish for you all to be blessed and until we meet again remember to Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, with love, Patty
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Blah, blah, blah and other interesting topics
Hello Everyone,
I really am trying to be more regular at this but, it's hard. It's hard to know what's appropriate and helpful or what's going to bring others down or cause sorrow. There's been a lot of reminders lately of those people whom I've loved and lost. Family members who have passed on that I miss so entirely. I am frustrated with my lack of life or rather the lack of participation in life. Having chronic illnesses that are not going to get better takes a part in that as well.
Have you had times where you want to get together with family or friends and you don't because you don't want to bring them down? I get tired of hearing myself complain. Others ask how I'm doing and I don't have a positive thing to say unless I'm not honest. What's the point, right? So, I stay home, get bored, talk to my fish, read books, watch the daily paper pile up without being read. I watch hour after hour of Netflix, but even that gets old......trust me.
I really need some ideas for some hobbies. I don't want to sew or crochet or knit....I've already been through the cross-stitch phase. I read, but that's not enough. I sometimes think I'll buy a guitar and learn how to play or buy a drawing pad and see where my thoughts take me in that format. Send me your ideas please.
On a positive note, one of my grandsons spent the night with me last night. We had a great time. It's amazing just watching his vocabulary develop along with his understanding of different things. Truly amazing. The two of us giggled while playing all morning. Don't get me wrong, it is exhausting and I do pay for it physically but it's worth it.
Also, can a fish like an African Cichlid get sick due to boredom or loneliness? If so, what can I do? This particular fish is too aggressive with other fish and has to be separated, but truthfully, she stalks me. She watches every move I make and it makes me feel terrible.
Anyway, I miss hearing from those I care about, but even if you don't know me feel free to drop a comment. I'm still trying out here to find my way. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty
I really am trying to be more regular at this but, it's hard. It's hard to know what's appropriate and helpful or what's going to bring others down or cause sorrow. There's been a lot of reminders lately of those people whom I've loved and lost. Family members who have passed on that I miss so entirely. I am frustrated with my lack of life or rather the lack of participation in life. Having chronic illnesses that are not going to get better takes a part in that as well.
Have you had times where you want to get together with family or friends and you don't because you don't want to bring them down? I get tired of hearing myself complain. Others ask how I'm doing and I don't have a positive thing to say unless I'm not honest. What's the point, right? So, I stay home, get bored, talk to my fish, read books, watch the daily paper pile up without being read. I watch hour after hour of Netflix, but even that gets old......trust me.
I really need some ideas for some hobbies. I don't want to sew or crochet or knit....I've already been through the cross-stitch phase. I read, but that's not enough. I sometimes think I'll buy a guitar and learn how to play or buy a drawing pad and see where my thoughts take me in that format. Send me your ideas please.
On a positive note, one of my grandsons spent the night with me last night. We had a great time. It's amazing just watching his vocabulary develop along with his understanding of different things. Truly amazing. The two of us giggled while playing all morning. Don't get me wrong, it is exhausting and I do pay for it physically but it's worth it.
Also, can a fish like an African Cichlid get sick due to boredom or loneliness? If so, what can I do? This particular fish is too aggressive with other fish and has to be separated, but truthfully, she stalks me. She watches every move I make and it makes me feel terrible.
Anyway, I miss hearing from those I care about, but even if you don't know me feel free to drop a comment. I'm still trying out here to find my way. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Solitude sucks!
Hello Everyone,
Recently I had a big change in my life. A change I thought that would be sort of welcoming. I've been telling myself for the last 7 or 8 years that I've come to enjoy my own company. I seek out my alone time. I got to say, what a crock I've been feeding myself.
My daughter and her husband and my granddaughter moved out of state this past weekend. I can count on my two hands how many days I've spent without seeing my little Emma. It's not like I won't miss my daughter or her husband, because I will. But, my time with Emma was very precious to me. It's only been one full day and it already sucks. I see myself in this apt and wonder if this is all there is left? Have I really become comfortable being alone?
I can tell you that I will be spending a lot more time with my grandsons, Pax and Dean. They're here in my community now and that makes me very thankful. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for them being local.
The thing is, I have built this wall that makes me invincible to the arrows of life. I can't be hurt too bad because I've cut out almost everyone in my life. I have a sister that's local and another that's 25 miles away. But, without a car, travel of any sort is difficult. There are no taxi's in this little community. I haven't been "Patty in Omaha" for over 2 years now. I also have family in other states that I miss daily but I've learned to live without them being a part of my daily life. You adjust, you have to, no choice. This isn't how I pictured my life at 51 years old. If the truth be told, I never thought I'd live to be this age. I didn't treat myself very well on my way here.
I have these things I want to do. Things I'd like to try, like knitting, or painting. Who knows, maybe I'd be good at it. My mother was. I need to find something to fill up my life. Not just Netflix and books. I may be disabled but that shouldn't mean I'm unable. And I shouldn't forget my first love, The Lord. Unfortunately, I talk a good talk, but forget to walk the good walk. Thankfully, He doesn't hold a grudge. That's really all I have to say for now. Love the people in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.....Love, Patty
Recently I had a big change in my life. A change I thought that would be sort of welcoming. I've been telling myself for the last 7 or 8 years that I've come to enjoy my own company. I seek out my alone time. I got to say, what a crock I've been feeding myself.
My daughter and her husband and my granddaughter moved out of state this past weekend. I can count on my two hands how many days I've spent without seeing my little Emma. It's not like I won't miss my daughter or her husband, because I will. But, my time with Emma was very precious to me. It's only been one full day and it already sucks. I see myself in this apt and wonder if this is all there is left? Have I really become comfortable being alone?
I can tell you that I will be spending a lot more time with my grandsons, Pax and Dean. They're here in my community now and that makes me very thankful. I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for them being local.
The thing is, I have built this wall that makes me invincible to the arrows of life. I can't be hurt too bad because I've cut out almost everyone in my life. I have a sister that's local and another that's 25 miles away. But, without a car, travel of any sort is difficult. There are no taxi's in this little community. I haven't been "Patty in Omaha" for over 2 years now. I also have family in other states that I miss daily but I've learned to live without them being a part of my daily life. You adjust, you have to, no choice. This isn't how I pictured my life at 51 years old. If the truth be told, I never thought I'd live to be this age. I didn't treat myself very well on my way here.
I have these things I want to do. Things I'd like to try, like knitting, or painting. Who knows, maybe I'd be good at it. My mother was. I need to find something to fill up my life. Not just Netflix and books. I may be disabled but that shouldn't mean I'm unable. And I shouldn't forget my first love, The Lord. Unfortunately, I talk a good talk, but forget to walk the good walk. Thankfully, He doesn't hold a grudge. That's really all I have to say for now. Love the people in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you. Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.....Love, Patty
Thursday, September 3, 2015
We are spiritual beings
Hello Everyone,
I've had a lot on my mind recently. I've been going through all of the necessary tests that one takes when they reach that golden age of 50. So far, things are going well with only one more test to endure. Hurrah for my side. Sometimes the most difficult tests we go through have nothing to do with medicine or school.
Learning to live outside of your emotions is one of the most difficult challenges we face as individuals. It's hard to separate how we feel from who we really are. We think because something upsets us that we are entitled to that feeling of being upset. I beg to disagree. We are spiritual beings I believe. As spiritual beings it's important to remember that this life is but a brief space in time when compared to eternity. When we die, as we all do, we change into who we were meant to be. We were created in the image of God. We are not governed by time or emotion or our circumstances. Love should be our greatest endeavor, our most fervent passion, the thing we strive for the most. I'm not talking about passionate love that one feels physically for another person. I'm talking about the kind of love that sheds light so bright that the darkness cannot even comprehend it.
I'm not going to say this is something I'm working diligently on. But, I should be. This is more than perspective, it's a reality that most of us haven't even comprehended let alone put into practice. The idea that I don't have to live in any typical emotion is still very foreign to me. But I really want to learn how to transcend these moments and live as I was meant to, as a spiritual being.
I believe that there are pieces that can be taken from different "schools of thought" from around the world of beliefs that can help us to realize this major truth. I believe that meditation would be very helpful in my search to love. I believe that most "religions" have a little bit of truth in them. Little nuggets of wisdom that we close ourselves off to out of fear.
I'm talking about love that doesn't require forgiveness because we've never counted it against us in the first place. Am I making any sense? Perfect love......it's worth looking into don't you think?
Typically I would end my rantings with one of my favorite verses from the Bible but tonight I have my mind working overtime and I need to shut it off and get some rest. So until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty
I've had a lot on my mind recently. I've been going through all of the necessary tests that one takes when they reach that golden age of 50. So far, things are going well with only one more test to endure. Hurrah for my side. Sometimes the most difficult tests we go through have nothing to do with medicine or school.
Learning to live outside of your emotions is one of the most difficult challenges we face as individuals. It's hard to separate how we feel from who we really are. We think because something upsets us that we are entitled to that feeling of being upset. I beg to disagree. We are spiritual beings I believe. As spiritual beings it's important to remember that this life is but a brief space in time when compared to eternity. When we die, as we all do, we change into who we were meant to be. We were created in the image of God. We are not governed by time or emotion or our circumstances. Love should be our greatest endeavor, our most fervent passion, the thing we strive for the most. I'm not talking about passionate love that one feels physically for another person. I'm talking about the kind of love that sheds light so bright that the darkness cannot even comprehend it.
I'm not going to say this is something I'm working diligently on. But, I should be. This is more than perspective, it's a reality that most of us haven't even comprehended let alone put into practice. The idea that I don't have to live in any typical emotion is still very foreign to me. But I really want to learn how to transcend these moments and live as I was meant to, as a spiritual being.
I believe that there are pieces that can be taken from different "schools of thought" from around the world of beliefs that can help us to realize this major truth. I believe that meditation would be very helpful in my search to love. I believe that most "religions" have a little bit of truth in them. Little nuggets of wisdom that we close ourselves off to out of fear.
I'm talking about love that doesn't require forgiveness because we've never counted it against us in the first place. Am I making any sense? Perfect love......it's worth looking into don't you think?
Typically I would end my rantings with one of my favorite verses from the Bible but tonight I have my mind working overtime and I need to shut it off and get some rest. So until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty
Friday, August 21, 2015
Confessions of a serial isolationist
Hello Everyone,
It's been awhile but I'm here now. I'm thankful for the few of you who still have an interest in my ramblings. I'm not sure what all I've shared regarding recent goings on so here's an update. I did finally get my disability and now have all my medical taken care of. I'm able to live alone and be self sufficient. Self sufficient in all ways except transportation. And since I'm outside of Omaha now, there isn't a transportation system to get me to local appointments. Thankfully I'm able to get a ride for most errands. I also now have 3 local grandchildren who are also a great source of joy for me.
You would think I would be more appreciative. Instead I find myself struggling daily, sometimes all day with depression, helplessness and without any lasting joy. I find myself not wanting to get outside at all even when I do have a ride. I feel lost and honestly, very lonely. For the past 8 years I've learned to isolate quite effectively and that's not a good thing for me. I've managed to pull away from loved ones and friends to the point where I really don't hear from anyone anymore. Sometimes that bothers me, but mostly it bothers me that I've become comfortable with it.....usually.
I'm sharing this with you for several reasons. First of all, I need prayer. Prayer to have the desire and strength to get out of my little shell and the transportation to make it possible. Secondly, by sharing with you my struggles, maybe it will help someone else to reach out and ask for help. Lastly, I like to be honest about myself. I struggle with keeping myself upright sometimes. I have days where I don't hardly leave my room. Medically, my doctors are trying to get me the help my body needs but my emotional and spiritual health is sadly in need of radical help.
So there it is. This is me asking for help. I need prayer warriors. I started reading in Phillipians today. The verse that stuck out the most was 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." All hope is not lost....I really do know this, but sometimes the road is really long. Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.......Love, Patty
It's been awhile but I'm here now. I'm thankful for the few of you who still have an interest in my ramblings. I'm not sure what all I've shared regarding recent goings on so here's an update. I did finally get my disability and now have all my medical taken care of. I'm able to live alone and be self sufficient. Self sufficient in all ways except transportation. And since I'm outside of Omaha now, there isn't a transportation system to get me to local appointments. Thankfully I'm able to get a ride for most errands. I also now have 3 local grandchildren who are also a great source of joy for me.
You would think I would be more appreciative. Instead I find myself struggling daily, sometimes all day with depression, helplessness and without any lasting joy. I find myself not wanting to get outside at all even when I do have a ride. I feel lost and honestly, very lonely. For the past 8 years I've learned to isolate quite effectively and that's not a good thing for me. I've managed to pull away from loved ones and friends to the point where I really don't hear from anyone anymore. Sometimes that bothers me, but mostly it bothers me that I've become comfortable with it.....usually.
I'm sharing this with you for several reasons. First of all, I need prayer. Prayer to have the desire and strength to get out of my little shell and the transportation to make it possible. Secondly, by sharing with you my struggles, maybe it will help someone else to reach out and ask for help. Lastly, I like to be honest about myself. I struggle with keeping myself upright sometimes. I have days where I don't hardly leave my room. Medically, my doctors are trying to get me the help my body needs but my emotional and spiritual health is sadly in need of radical help.
So there it is. This is me asking for help. I need prayer warriors. I started reading in Phillipians today. The verse that stuck out the most was 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." All hope is not lost....I really do know this, but sometimes the road is really long. Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.......Love, Patty
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Happy Easter!
Good Afternoon All,
I just wanted to take a moment and wish all of you who read this a Happy Easter. The greatest miracle of all time was when He rose from the grave and took away the power of death. And in doing so provided us who believe, a home, forever with Him. There is no death for those who believe. Even if our bodies die, behold, we live. He is Risen! Rejoice and be glad.
I pray you are all with your families and just enjoying the pleasure of your loved ones. I am just writing these few words as my granddaughter awaits me. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty
I just wanted to take a moment and wish all of you who read this a Happy Easter. The greatest miracle of all time was when He rose from the grave and took away the power of death. And in doing so provided us who believe, a home, forever with Him. There is no death for those who believe. Even if our bodies die, behold, we live. He is Risen! Rejoice and be glad.
I pray you are all with your families and just enjoying the pleasure of your loved ones. I am just writing these few words as my granddaughter awaits me. Until we meet again, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Patty
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Changes, Changes and Changes
Hello folks,
I don't even know how to begin this blog again. Or what I even want to say. I guess I could start off by letting those of you who have read my blog in the past know how things have changed. So many changes, okay, first of all. I am officially disabled and after 2 years finally have steady income each month. It's not much, but it's enough to take care of my needs. I am so thankful for all the support I received during my time of learning. I say it was my time of learning because you really learn what is truly important when you have NO income of any sort. The Lord does provide! I have experienced first hand His ability to care for me.
The second thing that has changed is that I now have 2 grandchildren. My Paxton is about 18 months old and my granddaughter Emma is just shy of 7 months. My third grand child is still in the womb. His name is Dean and we'll be meeting him in about a month. They are all beautiful and teaching me a whole new form of love I didn't know existed until they came along.
Let's see what else? I am now overjoyed (NOT) to find out I have Diabetes type 1.5 and that's about all I know about it other than it's known as LADA (latent autoimmune diabetes in adults). Oh, and it really sucks.
My youngest son is getting married this June and I'm looking forward to officially adding the mother of my grandsons to the family. I've considered her my daughter for sometime but it'll be nice to have it official.
So now, I'm trying to figure out a way to get my oldest sister home for the wedding along with her 3 grandchildren that she is adopting. We had airline tickets but the company we bought them from apparently had some issues with their vouchers and Southwest Airlines said, oh well, not our problem. So, now we're trying to raise funds for them to rent a car to drive down with unlimited mileage. Anyone know of any fabulous deals? She's in Washington state if that helps anyone.
So, life goes on. Nothing really changes except that everything changes. I still spend a lot of time in my room. I try to get out but that still remains a difficulty for me as now I get a little claustrophobic when I get anywhere with even a small crowd. I guess I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and well and living on planet earth. Until next time, I'd like to share one of my favorite verses in Phillipians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Be Kind. Be Wise. Be True.
Patty
I don't even know how to begin this blog again. Or what I even want to say. I guess I could start off by letting those of you who have read my blog in the past know how things have changed. So many changes, okay, first of all. I am officially disabled and after 2 years finally have steady income each month. It's not much, but it's enough to take care of my needs. I am so thankful for all the support I received during my time of learning. I say it was my time of learning because you really learn what is truly important when you have NO income of any sort. The Lord does provide! I have experienced first hand His ability to care for me.
The second thing that has changed is that I now have 2 grandchildren. My Paxton is about 18 months old and my granddaughter Emma is just shy of 7 months. My third grand child is still in the womb. His name is Dean and we'll be meeting him in about a month. They are all beautiful and teaching me a whole new form of love I didn't know existed until they came along.
Let's see what else? I am now overjoyed (NOT) to find out I have Diabetes type 1.5 and that's about all I know about it other than it's known as LADA (latent autoimmune diabetes in adults). Oh, and it really sucks.
My youngest son is getting married this June and I'm looking forward to officially adding the mother of my grandsons to the family. I've considered her my daughter for sometime but it'll be nice to have it official.
So now, I'm trying to figure out a way to get my oldest sister home for the wedding along with her 3 grandchildren that she is adopting. We had airline tickets but the company we bought them from apparently had some issues with their vouchers and Southwest Airlines said, oh well, not our problem. So, now we're trying to raise funds for them to rent a car to drive down with unlimited mileage. Anyone know of any fabulous deals? She's in Washington state if that helps anyone.
So, life goes on. Nothing really changes except that everything changes. I still spend a lot of time in my room. I try to get out but that still remains a difficulty for me as now I get a little claustrophobic when I get anywhere with even a small crowd. I guess I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still alive and well and living on planet earth. Until next time, I'd like to share one of my favorite verses in Phillipians 4:19 "And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus." Be Kind. Be Wise. Be True.
Patty
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