I'm not who I think I am

Hello Everyone,

I know I missed Easter with you, so Happy Easter. I'm early for April Fools so I guess this is no joke. I want to be true to you. True about who I am. You know I had a cousin die last week. A cousin who has done nothing but bring joy to all he met. He played his guitar and sang and his daughters still called him Daddy. I never met him, except through Facebook. After I became disabled and I spent that year without any income. I had to turn my car back over to the bank. So, not only do I not have a car but they are trying to get 6,000. from me. Yeah, sorry, not gonna happen. I turned that car over the moment I knew I wasn't going to be able to pay for it. Well that's another story and I don't want to get in to that right now. Anyway, my point is that he wasn't that far away, but I couldn't get there to meet him and now he's gone.

Make sure you let your loved ones know that they have touched you, that they meant something, that you miss them and love them. They won't be there forever. They never are. Tomorrow is not promised. And though I try not to preach on this blog, I still have to say, don't let death be your final destination. Make sure you know where you're going. I truly believe that death just kills our body, but our soul lives on and that can be either in heaven or hell.....your choice. Sorry, again, not sorry, this is what I believe.

I might also say regarding the Depression that I'm not being medicated properly. So many issues have been brought to the surface recently. Though they are issues from the past and as adults we are to put those childish issues in the past and live as an adult. It doesn't mean that things that happened in the past should have ever happened to a child. Therefore, they are not childish issues. They're adult issues that a child was forced to endure. And they occurred at a time when your little brains are forming their personalities. Who we will be for the rest of our lives. How we will think. Now I know that I have the Spirit of God that dwells inside me. He speaks to me on a daily basis trying to tell me the truth of who I am. Unfortunately, that's not the only voice speaking to me. (speaking is such a relative term), I hope you know what I mean. It's not a spoken voice, it's more like a thought that makes its presence known. Those thoughts don't always have a good thing to say about me. Sometimes, those thoughts are really, really tough on me. It's difficult to know that your past isn't just who you are, it's only a part of who you are. Don't forget that. We can also add into that mix, who we will be. And that's an important part. I have to say these things because I need to remember them. I need to hear this so if it doesn't apply to you, just go on to the next blog and accept my forgiveness. Not all of us are as screwed up as I am.

Until we meet again, remember Be Kind, Be Wise, Be True, love, Patty

I can see clearly now the veil is gone

Hello Everyone,

It's nice to be back here. Not that I went anywhere. I'm just happy to have something to share. I'm really not certain what I want to say or how to say it. So, you're getting completely off the cuff. I'm sorry if it's kind of "out there" for many of you.

Most of you who read this know that I struggle with pain and depression and that I'm disabled now. Recently, my depression medication had to be changed. That requires a process of slowly coming off a medication you're used to and then beginning a new medication to a body that is down, depression wise. That process for me was very difficult and it's been more than a month and I'm just now starting to feel human again. That is probably why I've been unable to write anything.....trust me, I had nothing positive to share.

I have been trying to read at least a chapter of scripture each morning before I read the paper or watch The Today show. You know, just trying to start my days thoughts on the right foot, so to speak. I haven't done it everyday. I've missed some and that's okay. Yesterday however, I was reading in James and Isaiah and I had this spiritual nudge to call an old Pastor of mine. Someone I had a falling out with 20 years ago. I won't go into specifics but this was something I NEVER thought I would ever do. I have forgiven myself for my part and the Pastor and the church. When negative feelings would overcome me over the years, I forgive again. I guess I just never felt it necessary to revisit this part of my past. I believe I was mistaken.

I called the church and acquired the email address of the pastor involved. I just sent a short message, reminding who I am and letting them know of my need to revisit the past for the sake of peace within me.
I did get a very positive response and was asked to be patient in completely responding to my inquiry. Now I sit and I wait patiently. Making that first step though, has provided me with a sense of rightness. I know I am doing what The Lord wanted me to do. That phone call and resulting email was 20 years in the making. I have had it clear in my mind how I was "wronged" and even where I was wrong. But, until I made that phone call, I had not fully looked at the facts and my part in that falling out. I thought I had, really I did. But, we sometimes put blinders on when the truth is too difficult to look at directly. When I made that phone call, the blinders I didn't know were there, came off. I am now more aware of my actions and how they contributed at the time.

I look forward to the healing I will experience as I dig a little deeper into this. I'm thankful The Lord brought this to my mind and wouldn't allow me to let it go this time. I am blessed. I plan to share more of this (my spiritual growth) as it occurs and hopefully it will encourage someone else to take off the veil and look clearly into whatever you've had difficulty seeing. In the meantime, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Love, Patty