Time? Who has time?

Good Morning Everyone,

Another day is upon me and once again I have much to say. :-) Today I have my grandson Pax coming. Once again my joy will be full. My arms, legs, body in general will be taxed, but my joy will be full. It makes me wish I was able to bond with my other 3 grandchildren like I've been able to bond with Pax and Emma. I hope they know that even though we're miles apart, I DO love them. We've never really been able to spend much time together. I digress, please forgive me. However, it does apply here. I'm talking about time. The time spent to develop a relationship is imperative in order for there to even be a relationship. Other than family. I have family I've never met. I can honestly tell you that through social media I've been able to get to know some of them a little....not near enough to suit me but, that's obviously not able to happen right now.

What about waiting? Time spent waiting for something we NEED to happen. I have been at the mercy of family this entire year. I've been told by my attorney that before the year is over, I will have my disability through Social Security. In the meantime, I'm still at the mercy of my loved ones. It's like being a child again without being able to play. Once again, a child with a grown up mind. During this "time" I've learned a lot about humility, forgiveness, picking my battles, dependence, patience, the difference between wants and needs, trust issues, you name it and I've battled with it this year.

It will come as no surprise when I say, I'm desperately looking forward to being able to care for my own monetary needs. Not having to depend on someone to get me to the store will be a huge blessing as well. You can safely assume, I'm anxious for this to be over. I have learned a great deal through this. I can't say that I'd do it the same if I had it to do over but, it has been very enlightening. One of the biggest lessons has been to depend more on my heavenly Father, actually my only father. He does provide for my needs. It's scary but, it has increased my faith in Him. Unfortunately, I'm also scared to spend too much time with Him. I'm afraid He'll tell me to "wait on His timing for my benefits to come through, He has more to teach me through this time". As if by avoiding the conversation, I don't have to know the reality that He is in control. I'm still fearful. Sometimes I think He thinks I can handle a gripload of troubling times, because there have been so many. How strong do I have to be? Or, how weak do I have to be? When will this be completed? I guess only He knows the timing for the best outcome.

Today I leave you with one of those verses that's more of a discouragement to me sometimes, but truth is truth and in Acts 1:7 "He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or epochs which the Father has fixed by His own authority;"" in verse 8 He goes on to tell of the power that will be made available with the coming of the Holy Spirit, but I think that verse 7 is true for most everything. Only He knows what is in store for any of us. I'm thankful He's on my side. Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True. Love, Patty

Where is your treasure??

Good afternoon all,

I don't know if I've ever shared that I'm a collector of sorts. I love old beautiful vases and pitchers and crystal and etc. Every year my sister and I attend the annual rummage sale that benefits the hospital in the small town outside of Omaha that I currently live in. On the last day, Sunday, they have a bag sale and anything that can fit in the bag goes. The bags this year were the same old 13 gallon kitchen garbage kind and cost $4.00 each or three of them for $10.00. We spent $20.00 and had 6 bags to fill. Two of these bags were mine to fill. My favorite section is always the "Notions". I got some very old and beautiful pieces and was very lucky to grab these finds. I also grabbed other things as well, like curtains, rugs, books, some tupperware and the like. The problem then becomes.........where in the world am I going to display my new treasures?

Those of you who have read any of my previous posts knows that I have a grandson that is almost 1 y/o. He is a complete delight and is very active when he is at my apt. It's funny because most of those beautiful pieces I love so much end up being put away so they don't get broke. My grandson has an eye for the same things I like and loves to get his little hands on them. He's also realized that grandma moves pretty quick if you try to grab some of these things as well as the leaves on my plants. So, being as necessity is the mother of most inventions, I've learned some rather unorthodox ways to keep them safe. So far, they are effective but he learns faster than I can create.

My point is not just useless banter. All of these "pretty things" are pleasing to the eye and can change a room from just a room into a place that is warm and inviting. The items a person chooses to display in their home says something about what type of person they are. A lot can be learned about a person by looking at the items they find comforting.

I guess it's no surprise then that right now my grandson is napping and my living room is scattered with his favorite toys, DVD's and basically anything else that he enjoys playing with. For some reason, these items are comforting. When he leaves this evening I'll pick up his toys and put things where they should be, but in the meantime.........this is comforting. I'd rather have toys all over my floor and a happy and playful grandchild then a clean and orderly house any day of the week, twice on Sundays.  :-)

Today, I'd like to leave you with one of my favorite verses of the Bible in the book of Matthew 6:21, "for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I do love my pretty things, but I'd rather have them in a closet than to have to spend my time with him keeping him away from things. I want to enjoy my time and play peek-a-boo and ball and dance with him. The memories are worth far more than any purchase regardless of cost. Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True.........Patty

Family

Hello, long time no hear, I know,

I've been a bit selfish with my time. I have 2 new grandbabies and one more coming in May. I feel so entirely blessed right now. But, unfortunately........I seem unable to appreciate the small things in life that DO bring me joy. This has been my year of learning humility, trust, appreciation for family and all that comes with that word. The amazing birth of my newest grandchild, is a girl brought to me by my daughter. Three generations just being together. It's brought out this love that has truly astounded me.

Then, in a short conversation, I am cut down. So many times I find myself looking back and realizing what an unhappy upbringing I had and how deeply I want more for my kids and my grandchildren. Some really awful things have happened over the years. While I try to be appreciative, pain seems to be hard-wired into my body and my life. 

I'm still waiting to be approved for Social Security Disability. In the meantime, I have my sister who has so graciously provided for my needs. She will be paid back monetarily, but I'll never be able to pay her back for not even blinking an eye when it came to helping me. I love you Michelle.....I love all of my sisters.. Melody I don't know where I would be without your funny personality and your ability to always make me laugh when we're together.....driving down main street with your Darth Vader mask on, yelling at people on the sidewalk "I am your father".......singing Bruce "The Boss" Springsteen in front of goodwill. We've had some great times. Valerie, my mother in so many ways. You're still the one I go to when I need good advice and perspective. You all have truly made your mark.....minus the baby of the family, our sister Melinda. Too much loss, way too much loss.

I guess I'm having a bittersweet day. I'm reminded of pain, both physical and mental pain. I'm reminded of how beautiful life is, my children, my grand-children have provided me with the joy I so desperately need. And they give it without even trying. I'm writing this and as the words are seen on the screen I am slowly gaining what I truly needed today. Perspective.......the ability to accept what you can't change, change what you can and the wisdom to know the difference. I know that's a poem or prayer of sorts that is said at 12 step meetings around the globe but to me, that prayer at least the beginning of it is the definition of perspective. 

Today I leave you with one of my favorite verses taken from John 16:1 words written in red "These things I have spoken to you, that you may be kept from stumbling." Until next time, Be Wise, Be Kind, Be True, Patty